Transformers: Revenge of the FallenHave you ever been kicked in the face? I haven't, but I'd imagine that the sensation of being kicked in the face is similar to watching a Michael Bay movie. Ever since his 1995 directorial debut,
Bad Boys, Bay has had one single objective: to make us succumb to his "Make everything in sight explode and reduce the story and character development to a minimum", style of filmmaking. Some people love him for this. Indeed, many of his films are extremely enjoyable, whether they feature the unlikely yet ingenious team-up of Sean Connery and Nicholas Cage (
The Rock), or rather scary looks at the future of cloning (
The Island). But each one, despite having a budget of gargantuan proportions, has been far from perfect, often dividing critics and fans over just how good they really are. This reached its zenith with the 2007 release of
Transformers, based on the ever-popular 80s toy line and cartoon series that lives fondly in many a person's memory. But the film was awful. It was Bay at his most self-indulgent, featuring two of the least interesting leading characters in recent history, a story that could have been written on the back of a stamp, an agonizing running time (143 minutes!), and last but not least, a camera that could not be kept still, rendering the (admittedly impressive) looking robots as nothing more than a series of colourful blurs. But now Bay is back; armed with a sequel that boasts an extra fifty million dollars and an even longer running time (150 minutes!!). The question, though, is whether or not he can improve on that travesty of an original.
In short, yes, he does. Truth be told, I actually enjoyed most of the first half of this film, regardless of how mind-numbing it all was. But I could not resist the potential Bayhem that was to be had, and willingly gave in to the pure awesomeness that was the opening battle in Shanghai, as the Autobots (assisted by a human team called NEST) hunt down a group of renegade Decepticons hiding there. And who can't resist the sight of Optimus Prime transforming out of his truck form and diving out of a helicopter before latching onto a
massive, spinning wheel based Decepticon (and all in super slow motion, I should add, so we really get to see the details)? From there we are given an ominous warning that The Fallen is coming, and the film gets underway proper. Naturally, we then meet our human stars, Sam Witwicky and Mikaela (played by the always underwhelming Shia LaBeouf and popular poster-girl Megan Fox respectively), as they prepare to become separated once Sam moves off to college. Of course, their relationship feels somewhat contrived, but all is forgiven once Sam's parents make their appearance, and they prove to be just as enjoyable a duo as they were in the first Transformers. Without giving away too much, it's not long before Sam realises that he is once again the target of the Decepticons, is pulled out of college and is thrust into the robot civil war. To top it all off, the evil Megatron is revived early on, stronger than ever before; and it shows during the tragic climax of a forest-set metal mash up.
By that stage, however, the film has just about reached its half-way point, and you'll be amazed at how fast the time has flown by. But now
Fallen violently judders to a halt, all its (and our) energy used up, and we begin to realise that there is still about an hour and a half left of this. It has yet to introduce a whole raft of new characters, and cover a huge amount of exposition. The term, 'bloated', is an understatement. Ironically, the titular Fallen (an ancient Prime) is virtually lost in all of this with a criminally short screen time. Sure, he gets to strut his stuff as he makes his presence felt, but the film wastes no time in making us traipse along behind Sam and Mikaela as they try to figure out just how they are going to save the world again. In many ways, this is where it all goes wrong for
Fallen, as the film instantly switches from entertaining summer blockbuster to a painful rape of our senses. Indeed, once the exposition is out of the way, it's back to the action as Bay unleashes the mother of all climactic battles set in a desert. But it just isn't much fun. It's too loud and there's too much going on. And all the while Bay is swinging the camera around as fast as he possibly can (I kid you not, if someone had been sitting in the front row there would have been projectile vomit). Plus it all goes on for what seems like an eternity, with no end to the constant explosions and speeding robots in sight.
On the note of robots, Bay felt the need to include many, many more in this film than in the first one. While in
Transformers there was a handful of Autobots and Decepticons that we got to know quite well by the time the credits rolled, here we are presented with literally dozens of Transformers, most of which vary vastly (ranging from nifty little motorbike ones to a grouchy cane-wielding giant). This is sure to make some fan boys go wild, but everything backfires when the film can't quite give them all the attention they deserve. The large majority of them get no lines of dialogue whatsoever, and yet many that do are only on screen for less than a minute in total across the entire film. I challenge anyone (with the exception of die-hard fans, of course) to recall any of the secondary robots' names once the film ends without looking them up on Wikipedia. But perhaps the biggest problem emerges in the case of The Twins, two seemingly inbred Autobots who act as a team and embody the most annoying of racial stereotypes (just imagine if there were
two Jar Jar Binks's in The Phantom Menace), and yet are lavished with untold amounts of attention. And as for The Fallen... well, what a letdown. Thankfully, though, some changes do go well. Megatron has much more screen time for this go around, and his abusive attitude towards whiny second in command Starscream is sure to please followers of the cartoon. Also, there are many more close-ups of the Transformers, revealing the masterfully detailed CGI creations that they really are.
To go back to my original question, I would say that watching
Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen feels like getting a roundhouse kick to the face from Jean-Claude Van Damme! Despite a promising start, Bay inevitably ends up repeatedly bashing us over the back of the head with his filmmaking stick as he falls back on tried and tested techniques that were never that popular to begin with. I have no doubt that there will be those who will love this, and I have no doubt that a third film is in the works at this very moment; and who knows, it could well be third time lucky, right? Regardless,
Fallen is a bad film. Yet one can take solace in the fact that it is still an improvement on its predecessor. But just a small one.
2/5
