Just finding myself going in circles over and over, pushing away any friends who have ever cared about me, with no chance to make things right. Eternally crippled by physical self loathing. Tonight I was standing on the chair with cable tied up to the ceiling. I don't know why I didn't do it at this point maybe I'm just an attention seeker, but one thing's for sure, every day I feel like this I get one step closer to kicking that chair out from under me.