Film Reviews - AvPGalaxy's Own Critics!

[Hubbs]

Yellowbeard  (1983)


Pretty lame film with a sterling cast of legends most of which are sadly no longer with us, you could look at this as another 'Monty Python' type film along side others like 'Jabberwocky' and 'Time Bandits' but alas this film doesn't have much of the laughs and visual flair that those films do. The plot is your basic Treasure Island type thing but just totally crazy and loony hehe most of the jokes are prat falls and childish along with allot of sexual japes, again which are kinda dumb and childish.
Unfortunately this was the last proper film for 'Python' Graham Chapman and also the last film for British comedian Marty Feldman, its a shame that the film is known for those two sad reasons and not much else, only for total fans really as there isn't much to recommend in this silly film, even the stellar cast can't save it.




The Eagle

Well I'm loving all these historical films being made these days really interesting and gloriously epic and this film despite not being a huge Hollywood flick is really decent and worth the watch.
The plot revolving around the mystery of the Ninth Legion (Legio IX Hispana) has been passed around the history books for along time and no one really knows what happened to them but this film goes along with the safe bet that they were simply ambushed and beaten by local tribes (probably Picts) and all killed or executed.

Of course the film isn't totally accurate, the story that one Centurion (Aquila) goes behind enemy lines with a Briton slave to recapture the Eagle standard is pure fantasy, the way the film concludes is also pure fantasy and maybe should of ended in a more realistic fashion. Despite the obvious historical flaws, you can't blame the creators for alittle artistic license, this film is excellent fun and really well made from the costumes and tribal speech right to the fantastic location work.
The real Scottish Highlands and Glens are used for the backdrop in this film and boy does it work, some of the scenes look tremendous, really barren n bleak with rain n clouds aplenty, also the use of native tongue for all the tribal scenes really adds to the epic quality and realism although I'm unsure if they looked as they are portrayed, they do have a kind of Amazon rain forest type of look to them (think 'Apocalypto') or 'Last of the Mohican's' Huron look.
I'm also unsure if the local tongue used in the film is based on anything real, same with the 'Seal' tribe, never heard of them and its thought the Picts would of been the natives of the time.

Great fight sequences and a much more real feel to the film than the recent 'Centurion' which had a more blockbuster type urge to it. I'm unsure if anyone would really be that bothered about a flag standard that they would go through all that, not sure the Roman hierarchy would be bothered about it either as they would probably be more concerned about losing men and ground than the actual metal standard. Its all good and well acted from both the Roman front and Tribal front with Tatum and Bell looking quite similar to each other haha and the tribal warriors of Caledonia also playing their parts really well.

[Hubbs]

Rio


Beautiful looking film that's probably the best I've seen since 'Finding Nemo', the detail and colour on display is vibrant and in your face as you are whisked around Rio, Brazil in the company of many loud and brightly coloured birds.
The constant problem with this genre now is all the films are pretty much exactly the same, the plot here is something we've seen in virtually every kiddie based cgi film, the characters are all the same, the outcome is obviously the same, basically step by step its like all Disney films...very predictable and all from the same blueprint or factory conveyor belt, all the same.

Yes the kids will enjoy and yes it looks truly gorgeous but there simply isn't anything new here accept the fact that its all based around a different animal species, Hollywood seems determined to make a cgi film around all animal species on the planet, on one last note the musical score in this film is awful, some really god awful songs from various modern artists.

[Hubbs]

Scream 4


Wow I loved this film...no not really, If ever there was a complete waste of time, money and resources its this film. What on earth was the point in this I have no idea, its exactly the same as the previous three films with no imagination involved and absolutely nothing new. Its not scary, its not funny and its not clever, the fact the characters in the film talk about how lame these types of films are trying to somehow make it cult-like or ingenious is hilarious and merely highlights how poor this film really is.

What I still find amusing is how a guy in the stupidest mask ever is scary haha also how he doesn't trip over his own flowing black robe lol!! The whole thing is completely farcical, predictable and cliched to the max, without a whiff of hiding these facts either, but its still not clever in anyway, so if you wanna be zapped back to the 90's then feel free to watch. Personally the only thing I can think of when watching is everyone involved is clearly desperate for work haha

[Hubbs]

Gangs of New York (2002)


I saw this on cinematic release and didn't like it to be honest but since then I have read up on the history behind the film and was surprised to find out its actually very accurate. This got me interested again in the film so I decided to watch it again.

The first thing that hits you about this semi epic is the fact it looks amazingly realistic from the sets to the costumes in every scene and every aspect. All the characters look greasy, seedy and unwashed whilst carrying the perfect sense of 18century New York across to a tea with their remarkably good accents, this of course helps with a good choice of cast. Day-Lewis of course is the man in this film with his 'Dick Dastardly' whiplash moustache, gleaming glass eye, coarse voice and tall slim body all dressed in close fit waistcoat, top hat and full length coat is strangely 'Burton-esq' and intimidating. The constant use of his knifes and meat cleavers in the film is quite un-nerving I must admit hehe the scene on stage with Diaz and his knife throwing act is quite a tense moment that really shows his savage nature at humour. Day-Lewis maybe the best actor of our age for me and this performance really does show his dedicated nature to bringing out a character from simple walking motion to the quite eerie expressions of his face whilst trying to tame or perhaps contort his facial hair.
His impressive performance is also accompanied  by Gleeson, Neeson, Broadbent and surprisingly Diaz (for once) yet the inclusion of Scorsese favourite DiCaprio for me was a bad choice as despite being a quite decent actor now at the time of this film he simply wasn't good enough in my opinion and didn't look the part either, my opinion.

The plot is intriguing set against the 18century New York draft riots, mass immigration problems from the Irish mainly and the ongoing scuffles between many factions for the control of The Five Points area. As said the story is accurate with little use of artistic license which is highly notable and again surprising, many names of people and gangs are real as is the depiction of racism, murder of blacks during the riots and bloody warfare between the gangs, some of this on my first viewing I thought may have been fantasized.
The film isn't a true flowing epic though in all honesty, its very good and enjoyable but I think the look and feel of the film is the true winner here, you can almost smell the rot, damp and dank haha The plot does get rushed towards the end I feel and the finale isn't a good one, a slight anticlimax and one inaccurate aspect of the film, the ending of the film lets it down.

Memorable scene, Cutting explains to Happy Jack Mulraney how he wants the killer of a poor innocent little rabbit caught some of the best facial expressions I've seen since De Niro

[Hubbs]

Blood and Bone (2009)


Well I had no idea Michael Jai White was a martial artist or kickboxer, I last saw him in 'Undisputed 2' but before that I only really know him from 'Spawn', looking at his career he hasn't done that much to shout about really. Now all of a sudden I've seen him in two martial arts films and it looks like he's making another, I never got a whiff of his martial arts capabilities in 'Spawn' and he wasn't as big as he is now so some major work out has been going on hehe

As for this film its your typical JCVD vehicle really accept its for Jai White, the plot is your average new guy on the block who can kick the crap outta all comers and gets to be the big dog and take on the head big dog for lots of cash....guess who wins. Its nothing special and not too well acted either but lets face it you only watch films like this for the fighting (just like most JCVD films) and once again you get some top notch martial arts here boyyo.

Jai White is built like a tank right now and the only person to come close would be Scott Adkins in my opinion, this film has some very good yet short fights that show Jai White to be a Wesley Snipes ass kicker for sure haha very very impressive but maybe not quite as impressive as Adkins for gymnastic grace and skills but its darn close. One thing is for sure these guys would kill JCVD I reckon, their moves make Mr Van Damme look quite quaint and dated frankly, when JCVD attempted the 'Guile flashkick' in 'Street Fighter' it was a trick of the camera, Adkins and White seem to be able to actually do moves like that for real!!

Anywho....this film is your basic 'beat em up' with nothing new to offer but has excellent fight sequences and that's all you want really in a film like this, highly enjoyable if rather totally unoriginal

[Hubbs]

I am Number Four


Pretty undecided about this little sci-fi adventure as its very very silly and a complete mix of everything from the 'Star Trek-ish' universe looking main alien baddies ('Star Trek-ish' meaning they look crappy n tacky like much of the 'ST' universe), the 'X-Men' type super powers that the hero has, also abit 'Superman-ish' too in plot, the cheesy looking laser fire from the weapons (and the cheesy looking weapons) that could be from anything like 'Star Wars' to 'Flash Gordon' and then the 'Terminator' style plot with Tim Olyphant's character and Michael Biehn type acting in fact. Oh and then there's the terribly cliched tough female character (Number Six) who is basically rather terrible hehe. 
Apart from the dubious borrowing of other ideas its a reasonable little adventure that keeps you amused, its very 'safe' in the fact there's no swearing or harsh violence and can be watched by anyone but at the same time its also flawed in this way for adults mainly.

Problems are everywhere with the film to be honest as you never really find anything out, where the baddie alien race or the peaceful alien race 'Number Four' is from, why the baddie aliens are destroying planets, why all these alien races look like humans or do they look different and wear some kind of suit? what are those big monsters? the goodie alien races history and the 'Legends' etc...there's loads of stuff that's not explained even slightly and thus you are kinda wondering why.

Bottom line...its a fun film if you don't mind not really knowing anything about anything in the film lol!! the big bat-like monsters are pretty cool and look good, cgi is abundant and generally awful looking, the baddies look like something from across between 'Blade II' and 'Battlefield Earth' with the oddest looking alien outfits since 'Battlefield Earth' and the ending is set for more sequels in an obvious franchise wannabe.

[Hubbs]

13 Assassins  十三人の刺客


Think 'Seven Samurai' and you have this new modern film which not only equals that classic picture but in my mind it goes one step further and possibly betters it. Hard you may say, true, but this film captured me and didn't let go until the final Katana came slashing down.

Based on a supposed true incident set loosely around 1844 and a remake of the 1963 black n white film 'Jûsan-nin no shikaku', a senior government official hires twelve unemployed and poor Ronin to assassinate the Shogun's sadistic brother due to the fact he kills, rapes and maims innocent people at will. Not a terribly difficult plot to follow and none to original either, the source for many many film of this type and of course has its similarities to 'The Hidden Fortress' and 'Seven Samurai'.

The film is basically (for more than half of it) a dialog piece as Shinzaemon Shimada gets together his swordsman and plans his attack, we see how evil and careless Lord Naritsugu is as he 'plays' with peasants and we see the Samurai train for their assault. The film has subtitles for the Western audience and at first I admit I was becoming worried I may lose interest but unlike '7 Samurai' the dialog isn't too dull and the film doesn't crawl slowly, instead you have lively moments hinting at action to come. This of course is all seconded to the amazing scenery and costumes on display that truly bring 18Century Japan into your living room, the clothing worn by all looks drab and lifeless yet real, the sets are sparse and dark yet perfectly recreated (if you have been to Japan you will know) and the sparing on display is realistic and unlike your more common Hollywood fare. The film for allot of the time is a straight look at how Japanese people got along really, it shows life and hardship for most classes (Samurai were normally poor and homeless) and lets you in on the culture, if your not careful you could be fooled into thinking there will be no action hehe

As the film progresses all of the above I have mentioned simply gets better and more vivid as the Ronin make their way to the village they will turn into a blood bath, the film was shot in Northern Japan (Tsuruoka in the Yamagata Prefecture) and makes full use of the lush green countryside and woodlands, the village for the finale is slightly more your usual set affair which does lose some realistic momentum but never mind.
The final 40 min or so of the film is a relentless onslaught of flashing katana's and streams of blood as the Samurai take on Naritsugu's men with traps and skills that Sly Stallone and his 'Expendables' wished they had shown haha Yes the action is fast and hard to follow but most importantly it looks real, its muddy, messy and not pretty fancy moves...its Samurai warriors hacking their way through semi skilled soldiers all of whom both Samurai and soldier fight for honour.

As the heads roll and the Ronin run around I must say its hard to follow whats going as all the characters wear the same type of outfit in the same colours, as it would be, only certain members hair styles separate them. Alas with 13 men its hard to care for all and hard to make each member a valid part of the film, so when one dies you struggle to think who he was and thus you don't care so much, the only actor I recognise is Tsuyoshi Ihara and of course his character 'Hirayama' was the most fierce of the team so I followed him easily but other Ronin used different weapons so one or two were easily picked up on.

The best film of this genre I've seen ever I think...yes and that includes the more famous black n white films too. The last film I saw of the Samurai would have been 'The Last Samurai' with Cruise and Watanabe which was your typical Hollywood flashy view but a decent effort spoiled by the inclusion of a big ego like Cruise, '13 Samurai' is epic for its accuracy and look, there is nothing original here and at the same time nothing too over the top, accept afew scenes in the village at the end, in short its a damn fine film.

[Hubbs]

Sucker Punch


Well this is sure as hell pretty looking but not really much else on offer I'm afraid, still that was alittle expected from what I saw in the trailers.
This is pretty much everything you could ever want in a film, every genre and most popular films are ripped and borrowed from to create this outrageous world from 'The Matrix' to Lord of the Rings' to 'Dungeons 'n' Dragons' to 'Hellboy' to 'Sky Captain' to 'Mutant Chronicles' etc....

The whole film is virtually a cross between a music video and a computer game, more towards the latter of course, the plot is boring and uninteresting to be frank and you find yourself yearning for the action set pieces where 'Baby' starts to dream. Those action sequences although very borrowed from other films are extremely cool looking and very exciting but again not as good as I thought, the cgi ranges from looking spectacular to down right dreadful with obvious green screen work and some horrible cgi actresses being flung all over the shop. Still the imagination on show is very very good with beautiful detail and lovely backdrops, the Japanese Samurai demons, medieval/dragon battle and the WWII sequence were excellent fun, shame about the rest of the film and the fact all the main girl characters were basically invincible. Overall it was like a big advert or trailer for the latest games console at the E3 Expo.

[Hubbs]

Deep Rising


Excellent monster mash and over the top riot of sea faring proportions which borrows from afew films but keep its tongue firmly in its cheek as a no bars hold B-movie.

The way the plot unravels is much like 'Aliens' with a mish mash crew of cut throat mercs and civilians being surprised and taken down one by one by an unexplained sea beastie, the casting is unique and perfect for the posse of renegades who each have their own quirks and style which, again, does remind you of the classic marines from 'Aliens'.

Its a very silly and obvious layout but Sommers doesn't try to hide this fact and goes all out with nice scares and some nasty gut churning makeup and cgi for the victims. The cgi does now look pretty dated and there is some really nasty blue screen effects but at the time this felt so good and really impressed, I saw the film on release at the cinema back in 1998 and I enjoyed then as I do now.

Your typical popcorn flick with nothing to worry about in terms of depth, probably one of the best ensemble casts for awhile in a B-movie and a really terrific creature all add to a fun time. The text at the start gets you thinking about the deep for real and the ending is great stuff haha why no sequel??

[SpaceMarines]

Ghost in the Shell 10/10

This was an amazing film. This movie was every bit as detailed and immersive as Blade Runner. It felt as though those two films could coexist within the same continuity. The visual style was very reminiscent of that film, but it was still it's own. I absolutely loved it. This was simply a beautiful movie to watch; everything from the massive and expansive skylines, to the crowded and claustrophobic city streets, to the futuristic yet still believable interiors, were superbly realized on the screen. One of the finest animated films I have ever seen in that regard. The design aesthetic in the vehicles and firearms was great as well, at once being familiar in function and a throwback to previous cyberpunk films, yet still remaining stylistically unique. The soundtrack was also great. Kenji Kawai's haunting melodies really added a lot to this movie, causing it to come alive as much as the stunning animation and interesting characters. Much like Vangelis and Blade Runner, or John Williams and Star Wars, this film would simply not have been the same without this moody, and beautiful, score.

The story was also incredibly interesting. Set in the early 21st century (where cyber-terrorism is a very serious threat, and cybernetic enhancements are common among government agents), it follows Motoko Kusanagi, a cyborg counter-terrorist operative. Her agency, Section 9, is attempting to track down a prolific hacker known only as the Puppet Master. As she closes in on him, she discovers that he is more like her than she could have known, and is far different from anything anybody expected. There are many recurrent themes throughout the narrative; mirror images and copies; what does it mean to be alive; the blurring of lines between man and machine; the reality of consciousness. All of them are incredibly provoking, and each of them is masterfully touched upon in the film.

The characters are also all great; from the artificial and strangely beautiful femme-fatale Motoko; to the enhanced and gruff, yet still caring, Batou; to the almost-completely natural Togusa; and many others, they all bring their own feel to the screen, making the film come alive, and making me care about what was going on.

Overall, one of the best animated films I've ever seen, and a movie that I cannot recommend highly enough. Especially if you love sci-fi.

[Hubbs]

The Last of the Mohican's


So the question is which film is better? 'Mohican's' or 'Dances with Wolves'? hmm tricky but for realism its probably 'Wolves'.

A lavish romantic epic I think fits this historical offering, sweeping and glorious in both location, costume and score, this film is a Mann production of perfection. A true swashbuckler based on the 17century novel which was known to be pretty mixed and inaccurate yet a real fantasy which would not look out of place with Errol Flynn in the starring role.

The most impressive thing about this film is clearly the cinematography and the musical score, the vast landscapes are breathtaking and capture the period to a tea whilst the score is strong and emotional with some beautiful tribal/native pieces that play without any need for dialog atall! the final chase sequence is a prime example to this as the action developes accompanied by a heart pounding score with no need for any dialog or explanation.
Certainly a change in pace for Mann as he's kinda known for crime thrillers or modern day films but you wouldn't think it from seeing this film as the battles sequences are some of the best I've seen in a film with brutal hacking and slashing and plenty of blood. All the cast are major players in the industry and add to the epic quality of the film, Day-Lewis being one of the best actors of this age for sure and Studi being the most realistic looking native Indian to hit the screens hehe

Women love this film for the romance and the dashing Day-Lewis, personally I enjoy the score and I admit the love story is enticing but its the score that gives this film its life. A living romance novel and a gripping period action film that is brilliantly realistic and much better than the original novel...which is unique in itself.

[TJ Doc]

Ghost in the Shell 10/10

[...]

And once again, I hear great things about that. Guess I'll have to give it a look one of these days.

[SpaceMarines]

Yes. Yes, you will.

Don't make me come for you, TJ. Not after all we've been through.

[Hubbs]

Source Code

*Spoiler Warning*


Now this is heavy, real heavy, I'm still trying to figure out the physics involved in this haha maybe I'm just dumb I don't know but this really got me thinking as it neared the conclusion with the actual conclusion itself quite a mind bender.

Now when I say mind bender I'm not sure wether the director intended that or its just badly made with many questions left unanswered. I can't really go into much in this review as it will give away too much, I'm afraid this film is very difficult to talk about without spoilers. Basically its a good film and it will really keep you glued to the screen all the way to the credits, the acting isn't exactly top notch and there isn't really any hot action but there is allot of thought on alternate dimensions or universes and what you think is or can be real

Its not a mixed up story, the plot unfolds quite easily and you know whats happening in general, its reasonably idiot proof for most of the film, but as the plot thickens and the finale comes things become odd and leave many questions about Gyllenhaal's character, how he manages to 'carry on' after the conclusion, is he in an alternate dimension? he is dead? how did he save the train when its not real but merely a program or simulation? has time been altered in reality at the end of the film or just been changed?...as Gyllenhaal is still alive in the programme, why did his call to Goodwin reach her in reality when previous attempts he tried to reach people in reality didn't work?how come Gyllenhaal's character doesn't die when he's switched off? and so forth...

Its a very cool film which gets the brain working but its not perfect, I'm quite sure in most cases where Stevens has eight mins to do his mission more than eight mins actually passes haha also its quite annoying how he keeps saying over and over he wants to save the girl never understanding that's its all just a computer simulation, just wanna slap him hehe

Very clever and alittle reminiscent of 'Minority Report' in a certain aspect, worth the watch.

[Hubbs]

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 1


So am I the only person who thinks the Potter machine has kinda run out of steam somewhat? I mean come on...its been seven films now! (that is 'Police Academy' territory)  yes they have all been very good and I am impressed by the continual level of quality for each film, obvious love has been given, but the last two have (for me) been alittle dull and are getting ever more confusing.

The problem is there are seven films and unless you know the stories well or have seen the previous six films recently its very hard to remember whats going on, the amount of characters and backstory, although impressive no doubt, is also cumbersome and heavy going on non-Potter know it alls. The fact there is still yet another film to go is somewhat of drag frankly, its obvious what will happen without reading the book, I just think that the franchise has slowly dried up and lost its sparkle which isn't surprising after seven films.

As for this new sequel its very well made as are all the films, the effects on display are really nice and look good even though there is allot of cgi. The continuity is spot on with everyone mucking in after all this time which is an impressive feat alone and most importantly the imagination and Potter universe is still vivid and glorious and probably the best fantasy based world there is now, up there with 'LOTR' and 'Star Wars' for sure.

The problem with the film is it seems alittle pointless and abit of a money maker in the sense that not too much amazing happens and it all feels like drab filler for the much highly anticipated final installment. The characters jump around the place so much that I lost track of what was going on, that and the huge character roster as well, it felt very choppy and just one average set piece after another with no real purpose other than to make more money by making two films. I know getting every detail from the original book in the film is commendable, kudos!, but I just got thinking that maybe allot of this detail wasn't really needed as this film really really draaaags and then ends on a rather uninspired conclusion.

Personally I still prefer the first three films when the kids were young and the magic seemed more fun and 'Disney-like', as they have grown older and the films have become darker I think the light hearted magical sense has gone and left a more depressing boring teen affair which harks more towards franchises like 'Twilight'...kinda. Impressive as the franchise is I have just lost interest in it along with the young actors as I have read in the past, not hard to realise why though.

Best sequence in the film is easily the small animated scene where Hermione explains what the Deathly Hallows are, lovely little sequence that reminded me of something from a Tim Burton film.