AvP Gaming Fiction (where you are the main character in a fight for survival)

Started by predxeno, Jun 11, 2010, 03:22:33 PM

Author
AvP Gaming Fiction (where you are the main character in a fight for survival) (Read 13,321 times)

CapLaPorte

Sure, thanks I really don't have much inspiration as I did (One sleep and most ideas are lost lol)

predxeno

Unfortunately, AvPGalaxy doesn't let me post my files on the forums anymore so I'll have to email them to you.  What's your email address?


predxeno

predxeno

#93
I know it's been awhile since my last post and I'm very sorry for that.  My computer got corrupted twice.  I lost all my files and the files I made after that to replace the files lost in the first corruption.  That along with school work has made thing go very slowly.  I am very sorry.  The reason I waited so long is because I want to tell the best story possible.  I've been looking at other fan fictions here and I figured; what the hell.  I want your opinion on my story so I know where to improve.  Instead of rereading the AVP EU material I have, I'll go straight to the source and ask the people I know who will read my stories.  Since it's been a long wait for you guys I've decided to give you one of my sidestories ahead of schedule.  There are no big spoilers, but this is a story I've been thinking of for a long time.  I'm still thinking about editing it so tell me if you think I can make any improvements.

PS: I've included some names that people have wanted me to add previously on this thread.

EDIT: A reminder to those that don't remember; sidestories don't let you choose your path in the story, they're a way for me to expand the story and all the side-plots.  Ordinarily, I don't think I can include all the side-plots efficiently in the human (you)-role of the story, but the side-stories let me tell the story from different perspectives that'll give you a better idea of what's going on and what's happened aboard the Fidanza.  There are Alien and Predator subplots that I've made for this story that I'll be using the side-stories to help me tell.

Sidestory 2

Aboard the Fidanza
Course: Heading to Planet RT-587
9:47 PM/RT-587 Local Time
Situation: Green


The alarm kept ringing.  Anthony Darrius ran down the long corridor of the Science Wing of the Fidanza.  His breathing came out all ragged and hoarse.  Behind him he could hear the screams of the Alien nightmares let loose along the ship.  Intermittently, he could also hear the screams of colleagues and other associates that lived aboard the Fidanza along its journey.

"Oh God, please don't let me die.  Please don't let me die," thought Darrius.

Doctor Anthony Darrius was the Chief Science Officer for the ship.  He had been studying the Xenomorph life-forms for his entire career.  They were beautiful, but nightmarish; something only further emphasized by all the destruction they were capable of.  He had witnessed their capabilities on test subjects that Weyland-Yutani had provided.  Now, it seemed that if he didn't hurry, he would soon join their fate.

The corridor just kept on extending forever.  Perhaps it was the adrenaline or the heightened sense of awareness caused by the fear of death that brought along this perception, but safety was nearby.  Up ahead at the end of the Science Wing, there was a bunker.  This was an emergency stronghold built in case something this catalysmic ever occurred.  It should withhold any outside intruder and protect those that were inside.  It could withstand rockets, and even a nuclear warhead.  It definitely should withstand the awesome strength that the Aliens possessed.  Their strength was, indeed, incredible.  Darrius had seen it used to tear down steel doors and other barriers that any other creature would be helpless to penetrate.  Also, the bunker had a network connection to the rest of the Fidanza.  He would be able to control a good portion of the ship from in there or at least see what's going on.

His pace quickened as he heard another scream down the hallway.  Human.  Followed shortly by what Darrius believed to be a triumphant cry of victory from one of the xenomorphs.  The scream was close by.  Darrius flinched.  Had he been running from any other animal, he would definitely have enough time to reach the bunker and hide in it.  But, the xenomorphs weren't any other animal.  They possessed a terrifying, almost unnatural speed that allowed them to quickly acquire their prey and kill them or worse.  The thought of having a tiny snake-like embryo implanted in his chest made Darrius's hair stand on end.

Darrius studied these creatures for years, now he was going to be killed by the very beings he had admired.  He heard a second xenomorph scream, closer this time.  Many people would have simply broken down and started sobbing, losing all hope at the prospect, but Darrius wasn't like the test subjects Weyland-Yutani had so generously donated for his research.  He wasn't going to break down now, instead he looked through his brain, scanning his memory for anything that could be useful.

Suddenly, he remembered something.

"Father," he barked.  The Fidanza's artificial intelligence system for the Science Wing was a separate AI from the "Mother" system that governed the rest of the cruise ship.  Father dealt only with the problem that occurred in the Science Wing and he would obey any command given by the Chief Science Officer, Doctor Anthony Darrius.

"Father, how far away would you estimate the xenomorph life-forms from my location?" Darrius gasped.

"The xenomorph life-forms are approximately 500 meters from your current location," replied Father.  "I'm sorry to say given the speed possessed by the xenomorph life-forms along with their unpredictability and capabilities to infiltrate-"

"That's enough, Father," Darrius hastily replied.  He didn't need to know the details of how epically screwed he was.  How had those damn things gotten out of their cages?  He was sure that the defenses shielding them from escaping were perfect.  He thought about asking Father that question, but decided against it, there would be a time for that later if he survived.  Now, he had bigger problems to worry about.  A scream from one of his colleagues echoed down the corridor as Darrius turned a corner; that was Mandella, a friend of his.  It didn't matter now; with the Aliens, his troubles were either over or just beginning.  Darrius fervently hoped it was the former.

He was halfway to the bunker, along the way he passed a map built into the wall of the corridor.  His eyes passed by one section of the ship; Hospital Wing.  Darrius suddenly recalled an incident; something that had occurred a long time ago.  He couldn't remember what it was specifically; he had always focused on his work and where that would take him in the future, he rarely ever thought about the past.  Though there was one incident, where was it; Acres Green, Gunnison?  Someplace there was an Alien outbreak.  The creatures had gathered at a hospital and had made it their nest.  Apparently, they liked the heat it generated and there were so many helpless patients there...so many potential hosts.

"Father," Darrius said.  "I want you to open all passageways leading to the Hospital Wing."

"Opening all passageways to the Hospital Wing will directly put the people secured there in imminent danger of the xenomorph life-forms," replied Father's emotionless voice.  "Are you sure you want to proceed?"

"Yes," Darrius yelled.  He had to get to the bunker.  He couldn't let those nightmare ants get to him.

"Opening passageways to the Hospital Wing now," Father replied.

Darrius had a sudden flash of the faces of the people holed up in the Hospital Wing.  The people there had no idea what the creatures were; only the people working in the Science Wing knew about them.  The xenmorphs would be able to sense the opening of the passageways to that location.  They'd also be able to sense how many people were there.  There was no way they could ever resist an opportunity like that to drastically expand their numbers.  Throwing that chance all away just for one Science Officer seemed laughably ridiculous.  The expressions on the faces of those people there momentarily flooded Darrius's mind with regret, then it was over.  He returned to the stone cold reality that was him nearing the bunker.  He no longer heard the screeches of the xenomorphs behind him.  Doubtlessly they were all headed right for the Hospital Wing to grab all the hosts.  It would be like an army of little children charging towards an open piƱata on the ground; a feeding frenzy of excited and ferocious beasts.

Darrius kept on running.  He passed several rooms and took different passageways as he neared his destination.  His heartrate was lowering as he started to feel giddy with the now very likely prospect of his escape from the creatures that were only a few minutes ago following him.  Ten minutes later, after almost getting lost in the labyrinth of the Fidanza and experiencing a few pangs of panic, Darrius finally arrived at the bunker.

He quickly typed in his security code and provided all the proper identification needed to access it.  He quickly went in and closed the door.  He started laughing with relief.  He had made it.  For a few precious moments, he had feared that he'd never be able to, but that was in the past.  He was alive...and that was all that was necessary.

Darrius quickly sat in the chair of the computer console that connected him to the rest of the ship's systems.  He quickly turned on the camera systems.  Many of the hallways were empty.  That wasn't surprising as all the passengers were asked to return to their dormitories where they presumably should be safe.  Presumably. 

Darrius moved on and he glanced one monitor show him a feed from the Hospital Wing; the xenomorphs were only just arriving.  He saw an elderly man lying on a bed be pulled by one of the creatures and dragged away.  The man had been suffering from aspthma and was in no condition to resist the nightmare that was taking him away.  He saw a nurse trying to fight back with a metal bar, trying to protect the old man.  He recognized her; that was the Head Administrator for the Infirmiary.  What was her daughter's name; Dorothy?  The xenomorph glanced at the woman and casually flicked its tail, knocking the woman to the ground.  The creature put its foot on top of her back and turned the nurse around to face it.  Its second mouth came out; rushing toward her face.  Darrius didn't bother to look any further, but he could hear the sickening crunch of crumbling bone and squish of muscle and tissue being torn.  He glanced at the other monitors; the rest of the feeds weren't any prettier. 

Darrius watched as a little girl screaming for her mommy was wrapped around a departing xenomorph's arm.  Her "mommy" had grabbed a scalpel from a nearby tray and had rushed the xenomorph carrying her daughter.  She stabbed the creature, the scalpel breaking on contact; not strong enough to penetrate the monster's exoskeleton.  Enraged, the xenomorph carrying the girl struck back with its tail, cleaving the mother in two; blood splashing on the little girl's face.  The mother's upper body seemed to slowly fall off her legs and to the ground.  The little girl had gone berserk then, having just seen her mother sliced in two by a monster that was now taking her away.  She screamed, tears falling off her face as she kicked and struggled; she might as well have been trying to chop down a tree with nothing more than a feather.  The xenomorph ignored the little girl's efforts and proceeded to return with its prize to the nest.

Darrius turned away from the feed and turned off all cameras looking at the Hospital Wing.  Those people didn't matter anymore.  They were just fodder used now by him to serve a much more important goal.

Quickly Darrius turned towards the feed of the cargo room deep in the Science Wing.  There were ten cylinders there; they lined the right-hand wall and were marked with bio-hazard signs along with a "Do Not Open" warning label on them.  None of them appeared to be damaged. 
Darrius sighed a breath of relief.  Thank God for that.  He had spent over three years making what was in those containers; they were priceless.  He checked the readouts and his heart skipped a beat.

DANGER!  CARGO PRESSURIZATION FAILING!

Darrius stared at the screen as if looking at it could make the problem disappear.  Darrius stared a moment longer, then snapped out of his daze.  He immediately set to work on the computer.
"No, no," he thought.  He couldn't let this happen.  What was in those cylinders were priceless, but they were also dangerous, he couldn't-

CARGO PRESSURIZATION FAILING!  3 MINUTES UNTIL SHUT DOWN!!!

No.

Darrius quickly scanned the computer diagnostics of the problem.  It appeared that as the Aliens were escaping, they had cut the lines that kept the cargo cylinders pressurized and frozen.  Now, what was inside the cylinders were waking up.

Darrius quickly sent commands towards the computer; trying to find a way to fix the problem.  Attempt after attempt failed.  There was nothing he could do.  The worst monsters ever to inhabit the universe were going to wake up and there was nothing he could do about-
Suddenly Darrius remembered something.  A safety protocol.  He quickly typed a new set of commands in.

WARNING: ARE YOU SURE YOU WANT TO TRANSFER ALL LIFE-SUPPORT SYSTEM POWER FROM EMERGENCY BUNKER TO CARGO HOLD CRYOCHAMBERS?  ACTION WILL RESULT IN NONLIVABLE CONDITIONS FOR THOSE RESIDING IN SCIENCE WING EMERGENCY BUNKER.

Darrius experienced another flash.  An image of that poor girl being taken by the monsters.  An old man being dragged away like a lump of meat.  A bifurcated mother lying on the ground, unable to protect her daughter from a fate worse than death.  A nurse lying on the floor, facing death's fangs.

Darrius didn't hesitate.

YES.

The emergency bunker went dark.  He could hear as all the power went from it towards the cryochambers down in the cargo hold.  He got up opened a bottle of champagne.  It was dated 1879.  An old, but rare bottle.  He drank from it.  He could almost hear the power draining out of the bunker towards the cryotubes below.  He had done the right thing.  He knew it.  All those lives he had given up.  All the people in the Hospital Wing.  They needed to be traded.  He simply couldn't afford the creatures in the cryotubes to get out.  He thought back to when he first heard that the xenomorphs got loose on the Fidanza.  His first thoughts weren't for his own survival; it was toward keeping the monsters inside the cryochambers asleep.  If they got out, the destructive potential of the xenomorphs already out there would be magnified beyond what was previously witnessed by humans.

Darrius returned to the chair in front of the computer console.  He felt cold.  The bottle was half empty.  He cast his thoughts towards the other survivors, if there were any up there.  His sacrifice would now increase their chances of escape.  Hopefully, they would never find out what was in those cryochambers.  Hopefully, they would never experience the horror of what were inside.  Weyland-Yutani would be able to board this ship and take his work; maybe perfect it, improve upon it.  The monsters inside wouldn't resist recapture; there would be no further loss of life.  Darrius gave a small smile as he recalled something, a memory brought to him at the edge of death; Dorea.  That was the Infirmary Head Administrator's daughter's name; Dorea.  Darrius closed his eyes.  He let the now empty champagne bottle drop to the floor and roll away.  His job was done.  His mission completed.  It was time to move on.

Spoiler
Yes, the hospital incident that Darrius refers to is the incident in AVPR.  I bet I'll hear a lot of complaints for that.
[close]

SpaceMarines

I liked this. Well-written. A few things, though.

Why is there a science-wing on the ship? It's a cruise ship, isn't it? Why would they be transporting something as important as whatever's in those cylinders on a civilian vessel? That doesn't really make sense.

You said 500 kilometers away. I assume that was a mistake, and you meant meters.

Quote from: predxeno on Nov 14, 2010, 10:41:47 PM
Spoiler
Yes, the hospital incident that Darrius refers to is the incident in AVPR.  I bet I'll hear a lot of complaints for that.
[close]

Since this is your own story, I'm fine with it. Personally, though, I wouldn't reference that excuse for a film. Hell, I'd probably go out of my way in saying that it never happened. :D

predxeno

predxeno

#95
I'm going to explain why there's a Science Wing, let me decide whether I should do it in the story or in the main campaign.  And you're right, I meant 500 meters.  Let me fix that.

SpaceMarines

Yeah. I was thinking "How f**king big is this ship?" :D

predxeno

Oh yeah, I forgot to say...

Spoiler
...yes.  The Aliens in the cryochambers are the new breed that I was talking about earlier.  I have the story so that your choices will decide what their involvement in the story will be; I just hope it all holds together.
[close]

predxeno

I've begun reworking on Chapter 3...again.  After having lost 2 copies of it to computer corruption.  I am happy to say that the story is a lot deeper than it was initially.  Unlike many of the other fan fics floating around this site.  This story was made with a novel format in mind, meaning it is long; one chapter consisting of over 10 or even 20 pages.  I've been hoping that AvPG would reinstate the method of attaching Microsoft Word documents, but that hasn't happened yet.  I'm going to drop Darkness another PM asking about it.  I'll get back to you as soon as I have more information.  Sorry about the delay everyone, but I hope to produce a very good story dripping in both plot and suspense, not just some action thriller like AVP and AVPR.  Don't forget to comment as much as possible.  I want to know what readers like about my stories and what they don't like so I can improve upon my writing to tell the best story possible.  If you need copies of Chapters 1 or 2, feel free to ask.  Chapter 1 may be missing a sentence or two, but it still has the general idea and gives an amazing introduction into the story; I got many positive review on it. :)  Comment on those 2 chapters and the sidestory I posted up earlier, fan reactions are what I write for as does every great author. ;)

predxeno

Chapter 3 is finally up.  That along with Chapters 1 and 2 in the first post.  I didn't include the side-story yet since that was supposed to be a sneak peek. ;)  Sorry for the long wait.  I've included the 3rd chapter here for those who are too lazy to go back to the first post. ;D  Comment and leave feedback.

Spoiler
I know many of you will be upset that both choices lead to the same ending and to tell you honestly, I reallly wanted to address that concern, but I felt that the story needed this.  I wanted you to really hate Wade and remember this; that scene where he's talking to the crew is going to be very important.  Though, if people are very upset by it, I guess I could re-edit the story to make it into 2 seperate arcs.
[close]

SpaceMarines

This was good. Few things, though.

1. The engine room being a bare room doesn't make much sense. It would probably be a very cramped, claustrophobic place, with lots of piping, motors, generators, and the like.

2. At one point you spell "Dorea" as "Doria." Simple mistake.

3. In the last bit, where it's following Jensen's group, you switch from past tense to present about halfway through. You should make it all one or the other.

Apart from that, though, this was good stuff. I'm fine with the different choices going to the same ending for the earlier bits, but later on there should be divergence in the story.

Because I got to pick the Captain's name, and named him after my teacher, I can't help but picture him doing all of these different things in the story. :D

predxeno

1. Good point.  I might change the name of the room, then.  It was inspired by the same room as the one the passengers of the Virginia were in in Aliens Cauldron.

2. I'll fix that.

3. I had done that deliberately to change the perspective of the story from yours to the groups on camera.  I did it deliberately to make the reader feel more into the perspective of the group than as you watching the group, but I guess that wasn't a good idea. :(

Don't worry, there will be divergence.

bov930527

I hope this project isnt dead, cause I just downloaded 1st chapter, read it up to page 11, then read the side story and so far its awesome. Some minor problems though, On page 11 Im been asked whether to allow Dan or not hack the mainframe of "Fidanza". It says that I should go back to page 10 if I approve of it and page 14 if I say no. I dont understand how its possible to go back in the story and as for page 14 it gets confusing cause a lot of stuff just happens out of nowhere.
Love your work and hope you`ll continue with this.

EDIT: If you cant attach files here, send all the chapters you have to my e-mail: LastSilkroad@hotmail.se

predxeno

predxeno

#103
The project isn't dead, I've just had lots of college work to do and I've been trying to fix certain segments of the story that seemed a bit unrealistic to me.  But, knowing that I have people out there wanting to read my work, I'll work extra hard for you guys. :)  Sorry for the long wait. :-[

EDIT: Could you describe in more detail the problems you are experiencing?  Sometimes my Microsoft Word does something with page breaks that throws off the numbering; is that the problem?  Or did I post wrong page numbers at the end of the sections?

bov930527

Well, when I get to page 11, it says that I should either choose to go to page 10 or 14. When I go to page 10 its the previous page, so I`ll just get back to the page 11 and start all over and thus this can continue for all eternity!  :o
When I get to page to page 14 its the continuation of the "allowing that guy to hack the mainframe"-universe, that starts at page 12. So the problem, I think, is that there is absence of "dont allow the guy to hack the mainframe"-path.

EDIT: grammar

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