Friend-zoning.
Specifically, the utter proliferation of people
bitching about it over the last few years. Friends. People on Facebook. The Internet in general.
"Oh no! I'm this really nice guy who made
absolutely no advances. I'm shy and socially awkward but I praise this women to the heavens and bend over backwards for her, and she
won't even let me put my dick in her! It's not fair!"
Here is my open letter to all males, everywhere, everywhen, who ever complained about being friend-zoned.
Aherm.
Hello.
You are, all of you, without exception, douchebags.
Let's start with the obvious problem: If you're just being nice to someone for the express purpose of getting to sleep with them -- and, let's be honest, that's what it's about. Most of you in the "friend-zone" just want to get your dick wet. Relationships are entirely optional -- then you are not a "nice guy". You are not some caring romantic. You're a f**king
douchebag. You're getting put
exactly where you belong. The only thing anyone
ever has the right to expect from another human being for showing them kindness is to be treated with kindness in return, and if the girl is willing to put up with you and count you as a friend,
she's done that. If she knocks you back on your ass and treats you like shit when all you've tried to do is be nice,
then start complaining, not about not being able to start something, but about her being a bitch.
Secondly, the friend-zoned guy will then go on and on about the "arseholes" the girl then goes on to date. Here's a surprise; most of them aren't! You just don't like them because they're not
you. You find them cocky and arrogant because they have the self-confidence you so sorely, sorely lack. Some of them will be utter tools, yeah, but for the most part, your declaration that they're uniformly arseholes has more to do with the fact you don't like them, than any actual fair judgment of character. Which, again, makes you a douche. If you actually were as madly, deeply in love with this girl as your
pain at having been sidelined would suggest; if you were actually a nice guy, as you so love
insisting you are; you would appreciate that she's happy with another person and hope for the best. You'd give the guy a chance.
Sitting around complaining he's a tool because he's got the girl you want and the confidence to do it with? Douchebag.
Hoping the whole thing ends so you might have a shot later?
Douchebag.
It's at this point we question; did you ever actually make a move, or did you just hover around offering kindness and generosity and just
hoping she would notice and make the first move you are clearly too God-damn
spineless to make yourself. "But what if she said no? What if I got rejected? I can't do it!" Then stiff shit. Life involves taking risks. The worst she can say is no. Which is still better than the worst she can do when you say nothing, which is
rightly ignore you.
But now to the utmost biggest reason
you're the f**king arseholes here. Here's why you
deserve to never have a meaningful relationship, or even to get your dick wet with this girl.
The sort of person who would
complain about the possibility to being
friends with someone, who balks at what they consider a
consolation prize, who is
so offended by being considered a
friend, is the absolute lowest form of
dickhead I can possibly imagine.
Friend is not a dirty word. Friendship is not a
disease to be avoided. If you truly gave half the shit you purport to with saying how
nice you are and how much it
sucks that you're in the "Friend zone", then you would
rejoice in the possibility of striking up a lasting
friendship with this person.
Shit, friendships are
better than relationships in a lot of ways. They're more honest, more sincere, more open. They require less work, less physical, psychological, and emotional investment. They can be put on the backburner during stressful times, maintained with nothing more than a casual "How's it going?" every now and then. They're versatile and resilient. A deep friendship can amount to little more than the occasional message and making time once every couple of weeks to have a coffee, see a movie, have a meal, and yet still provide all the emotional and psychological benefits of a committed relationship.
I could fill the rest of this with Ralph Waldo Emerson quotes, but I think this one sums it up nicely:
Quote"The glory of friendship is not the outstretched hand, not the kindly smile, nor the joy of companionship; it is the spiritual inspiration that comes to one when you discover that someone else believes in you and is willing to trust you with a friendship."
Social isolation and loneliness are some of the most profoundly unpleasant and psychologically
destructive situations a person can ever find themselves in. It is a hell we inflict on people about a step down from
murdering them in our judicial systems. And there are people out there with such depression, such anxiety, that they have few or no friends at all. People who have been socially outcast since a young age, resigned to darkened rooms with little human contact. They endure this hell not as punishment for crime, but as victims of circumstance and or societal pressures. These people would all kill to have friends,
any friends, kill to have people to
talk to, who might call
them up if for no other reason than to say "Hi".
And you, the "nice guy", the guy
languishing in the "friend zone", are going to sit there and
bitch about what
hell it is for you to have to settle with being
friends?
You can, all of you, get f**ked.
