I ain't sure if this is the right place to post about this sort of stuff but what the heck
I have a real problem with masturbation. I've started back when I was 15 and have been doing it ever since regularly once a day on average. About a year ago (thanks to my newfound love for God) I've realised that this was wrong and had to stop. And man, oh man, let me tell ya, quitting is easier said than done. There were so many "last times" I've lost any count. It's an addiction, it truly is. Your own body is fighting against you, your brain gets very cunning in tricking you to do it, I've never taken drugs but based on what I've heard about them it sounds fairly similair minus the extreme withdrawals I guess. It feels like a fever, like a fire burning you from the inside, like the whole world is screaming at you "DO IT !", you can't concentrate on anything, you're just wasting precious time trying to stop yourself from searching for pornography.
And thinking back to the kind of stuff I was watching it's truly amazing how powerful this addiction is in silencing your consciousness. Porn is all about how women are just mindless objects whose whole existence is to give men sexual pleasure. It's all about getting the biggest shot of someone's dick going into someone's a-hole. It's so harmful to a young mind in its views of the opposite sex, it's terrifying. It may sound over the top but I believe that watching porn is equal to encouraging women being rapped on camera and I feel ashamed for participating in it.
Some porn is even weaponising the fact you know what you're doing is wrong against you. Like, some of it just straight-up tells you "keep indulging your porn addiction you miserable f**k, keep worshipping the porn goddesses, why go outside and interact with real people when you can stay home and jerk off for hours ? etc.". Truly disgusting.
Also a thing I've learned about masturbation recently - it is NEVER worth it. Seconds of pleasure turn into hours and days of depression and self-disgust and the hardest thing is to brush off and start from the ground zero. I can only pray to God for forgiveness and for him to give me strength and patience to keep resisting this addiction so hopefully one day I'll be able to look back and say "Yeah, that was a part of my past self"