Corrupt A Wish

[Vickers]

Granted and it's just as long and tedious as the films and eventually you become so bored you just wish you were back home doing something interesting.

I wish for unlimited wishes.

[Dovahkiin]

Granted, but you can only wish for more sequels to Jack and Jill.

I wish my family could have eternal life.

[BANE]

Granted, but they're stuck with eternal diarrhea.

I wish for all the power of God.

[Vickers]

Granted and we have no power at all since there is no god.

I wish I had someone to make me hot chocolate whenever I want some.

[Eva]

Granted and we have no power at all since there is no god.

I wish I had someone to make me hot chocolate whenever I want some.

Granted, but I would probably steal it for myself.

I wish I had Vickers here now, so I could pretend to make hot chocolate for him.

[BANE]

Granted, but he arrives covered in Praying Mantises under the command of a genocidal Tilda Swinton.

I wish I had a chance to meet Peter O'Toole.

[First Blood]

Granted but then he takes you in the back room and touches you.

I wish I wrote the next great American novel.

[BANE]

You do, but it's a children's novel and you constantly have to make public appearances dressed as an effeminate grasshopper who can't stop eating.

I wish I could fly like a bird.

[Randomizer]

 Granted but you're gonna attract kids who are going to shoot you with a slingshot .

I wish I could be invisible .

[Predator Queen]

Granted, but you will never be visible again. 

I want a irl transformer car buddy.

[Dovahkiin]

Granted, but he turns out to be a Decepticon and kills everyone you know and love.

I wish I had the raw charisma of Robert Downey Jr.

[Vickers]

Granted but then you find out his raw charisma is really just a drug-induced charisma and you spend half your time in a rehabilitation centre.

I wish Eva would stop stealing my hot chocolate.

[Ghostface]

Granted but now the chocolate has been replaced with something of similar colour and texture.

I wish I was a little bit taller

[Vickers]

Granted but the extra 6 inches of height gained means you have to lose your penis.

I wish I was wealthy enough to buy everything I desire.

[Randomizer]

 Granted but everyone is going to hate you .

I wish I had a Unicorn .