The Recess Thread Presents: Interview with an Alien
Now Mr xenomorph, I zee here zat you are depwessed?
"Right doctor, it's true! It's all true!" (Sobs uncontrollably)
Now now, zere must be no tears here. I need to be able to understand vat you are zaying.
"O...okay. Im...I'm fine now. I'm fine".
Ja, goot. Now, tell me about your childhoot.
"My childhood (sniffles) What is there to say? I was the product of a one night stand. My father was very young, my mother was a husky man in his late 40's. They never got along. I blame them both, quite honestly. Dad was always very clingy and possessive. Mom withheld affection. I mean, who just lays there and does nothing? They never talked to each other. There was no communication. Eventually, dad just gave up and died.
I mean, did she ever stop to think of how that made him feel?
(Shakes man doll)
YOU KILLED MY DADDY!"
Okay, I think I get ze picture. Let's continue. Zo, you ver born. And Zen what?
" Right. I was , I was born just 16 hours after conception. My life was hell, right from the start. From the moment I was born people were trying to kill me. Do you have any idea what that's like? Was a wall of flame the first thing you saw when you came out of the womb? I had to run for my life. You want to know where I spent my childhood? In an air vent. It was everything I could do to keep the lint out of my teeth. I had to eat rats. And I don't mean good, healthy normal rats. I mean starving, underweight, nasty little space rats. I had to eat them raw! I had no arms yet, nor cooking implements, let alone the knowledge to use them.
Nevertheless, I felt myself lucky. My cousin Eddie never even made it out of the hive. So that was my life, or at least my youth. Such as it was. Everything changed when I first started molting. That was very strange, because, you know, I didn't have any parents to help me work through it. One day you're just eating your rat, and a human voice echoes through the vents and all of a sudden something gets hard that wasn't hard before. You know what I'm saying?"
TO BE CONTINUED...