Alien vs. Predator: alternate version of the movie.

[ian36015]

Remind me what Press release's are again...

[Aliendrone]

They are small reports on production that studios release about their films.

[Aliendrone]

Well, here is an update on the sequel.

I'm gonna release it in mid-June, this summer.

I'm still working as hard as I can on it.

[SM]

With characters of the calibre of 'Tom Woodruff Jnr' and 'Nick Ripley'  I think I'll pass...

[ian36015]

Have you heared of "Never judge a book by its cover." Just because you think it has getto names dosent mean the whole thing is shit

[Aliendrone]

You haven't even read it. I wonder why its not exciting for some to see an ansestor of Ripley fighting aliens and preds. At least give the first script a try.

[SM]

Both names scream "CHEEZ!!" from the highest mountain.

An ancestor of Ripley fighting Aliens has already been done in the Earth Angel comic - and that made me want to bash my head against a wall too.

As for reading the rest - I tried but the dialogue is fairly excrutiating.

[Aliendrone]

Well, here is anothere scene from my sequel to my version of avp.

This scene takes place in Iraq and I hope you guys like it. No aliens, but my Celtic makes a comeback.

Ext. Ruined street –Day.

Nick runs out of the door, turns around and fires at the three insurgents. Blood flies out of their bodies as the bullets hit them. All three collapse to the ground. The other Soldier runs up next to Nick.

Soldier:
Alright. Now what the f**k do we do?

Nick:
Mac, we have to get to that building over there and capture it.

Nick points to a small building. Even this far away we can see human figures moving about inside it. Nick and Mac nod their heads and start running toward the building.

Ext. Building roof – Day.        Predator POV

Everything that we see is in blue. The POV shifts to Nick and Mac, who are the only things that glow on the deserted and destroyed street. The Predator follows Nick and Mac as they run to the small building.

Ext. Ruined street – Day.

Nick and Mac hide behind a destroyed car. Mac looks at the building that they are targeting. Nick looks toward the building. A human figure is at the window.

Int. Building – Day.

A few insurgents are inside the building. One of them is at the window looking at Nick and Mac. The man turns to look at the leader.

Insurgent: (in Arabic)
Hey, there are Americans coming this way.

Insurgent Leader: (in Arabic)
Let's get the greasy f**kers.

All of the insurgents laugh at their leader's remark on us (bastards). Suddenly, we hear the clicking sound of a Predator. The group looks around the interior of the shop they are hiding in.

Insurgent leader: (in Arabic)
What the f**k is that?

Suddenly, a Predator appears in the middle of the group. They all turn and look at it.

The Predator is actually Celtic, the adult from the first film. He has a spear in one hand and the wrist-blades extended in the other. He roars at the insurgents. He slams the spear into the stomach of one insurgent and in one whole move, takes it out, stabs another man in the chest with the wrist blades and jams the spear into the leader.

The remaining insurgents begin firing the weapons at Celtic. However, their bullets bounce off of Celtic's armor. He looks at them and roars in anger.

[Punk19]

To bad you weren't the director of the original, the only problem I saw when reading the whole thing was the ending.

[Aliendrone]

thank you for your fanfiction review. It's about time my story got a review.


About the ending...I really didn't know how else to end it. I had Grid and the PredAlien left and felt that thatwas the only way the story could end. Don't worry, the ending to AvP: Alien vs. Predator 2 Outbreak will have a much more exciting, more darker ending.

[SM]

Ext. Ruined street –Day.

Nick runs out of the door, turns around and fires at the three insurgents. Blood flies out of their bodies as the bullets hit them. All three collapse to the ground. The other Soldier runs up next to Nick.

Soldier:
Alright. Now what the f**k do we do?

Nick:
Mac, we have to get to that building over there and capture it.

Nick points to a small building. Even this far away we can see human figures moving about inside it. Nick and Mac nod their heads and start running toward the building.

If Nick and Mac (another silly derivative name) are supposed to be soldiers why don't they just get on with it instead of asking questions in the middle of the fire fight?  A simple signal from Nick to capture the building would do away with the dopey dialogue.  The less they talk at a time like this, the more professional they'll appear to the audience.

Int. Building – Day.

A few insurgents are inside the building. One of them is at the window looking at Nick and Mac. The man turns to look at the leader.

Insurgent: (in Arabic)
Hey, there are Americans coming this way.

Insurgent Leader: (in Arabic)
Let's get the greasy f**kers.

All of the insurgents laugh at their leader's remark on us (bastards). Suddenly, we hear the clicking sound of a Predator. The group looks around the interior of the shop they are hiding in.

This is hilarious.  Not to mention oozing with immaturity and jingoism.

I'm guessing you're going to use subtitles - but they make the insurgents appear comical and therefore no threat to Nick and Mac.  All you'd need is one of them spotting Nick and Mac, shouting to the others, and then have them opening fire on them.

At the moment it's:

Bad Guy #1 - Hey!  There are western enemies of Islam coming towards us!  What shall we do?  Being an insurgent should I shoot at them?

Bad Guy Leader - No!  Wait!  I must deliver my typically western one-liner first!

You need to get into the characters head and think like they would think in that situation.

[Aliendrone]

well, everyone has their always negative critic.

[SM]

Would you rather I just said "Your script is garbage"?

Cos it would sure save me a lot of time not offering alternatives for improvement.

[Aliendrone]

I'm just saying that you have never looked for any positives in both scripts.

When you started reading the first script and you saw tom's name there did you say "Oh, this is super cheesy, wont even give this one a chance."

And for the second one, do we really know what insurgents are thinking and saying to each other when they see American troops? No, we don't.

If all you're gonna do is bash my scripts and not even point out positives, like the fact my first script had more preds, more fights and more blood (like soo many people here on the forums and my friends at school, some don't even like aliens and predators and they felt my first script of AVP was great, have stated), please don't review my scripts.

Now, I know that sooner or later i would recieve critics, but you SM have not once looked for the goodness in my scripts.

And for the record, the character of Mac is not a homage to Predator on purpose, so stop thinking that if i have characters who have names similar to those in the alien and predator films, that it is cheesy, I am referencing those films, which i love and watch as many times as i can.

Yes to you the character of Nick Ripley, an ancestor of Ellen Ripley, is very stupid and also the idea of having a member of ripley's family fighting aliens and predators on earth present day is a stupid thing to have. But from all of my friends and several people here on the forums, they like the idea of seeing an ancestor of Ripley fighting aliens and preds here on earth.

So, you may not even want to read AvP2, cause it has a lot more, how do you SM say "cheesy names," for its characters.   (someone in the script is named Hicks)

Yes, I appreciate your attempt to help me improve, I really do. But i make my characters the way i think that they would be. Yes, i will change the firefight scene dialogue, but the way the characters interact with each other, that will never change unless i don't like it.

Summary of all this, if you dislike my writing, please don't read it. Or at least point out positives and don't be too harsh when you criticize my writing, like you have done for the majority of your posts on this thread. I ain't the best writer in the world, i only started doing script writing last june, so i ain't perfect.

[SM]

Fair point.  I haven't read the whole thing.  I have tried though on a couple of occasions but quite frankly it's painful.

The reason I haven't mentioned any positives is because I've yet to encounter any.  Though if time permits I will try to read it again.

And for the second one, do we really know what insurgents are thinking and saying to each other when they see American troops? No, we don't.

A cop out. You are writing the characters of the insurgents.  You DO know what they are thinking.  If you don't, then you've no business putting them in the story.  They are not real - they are characters in a script that you have created.

And for the record, the character of Mac is not a homage to Predator on purpose

That then shows a lack of creativity.  You have some creativity since you've come up with a different storyline (ooh, hang on, there's a positive!)  I can understand you including characters like Stafford and Lex and Weyland since it's a redo of AvP, but having characters called Ripley, Hicks, Mac, etc. screams "Look at me!!  I know all the character names from the Alien and Predator films!!"  It's about as subtle as a housebrick.

Include homages by all means. Audieces love discovering them - but exercise some restraint.  Think Cameron's use of the round magnetic gyro thingo on the table on the Sulaco referencing Ridley Scott's dippy-bird on the Nostromo.  He didn't have a character called Parker who was the original Parker's grandson.  That kind of thing usually comes off as cheap.  Like it does here.

But from all of my friends and several people here on the forums, they like the idea of seeing an ancestor of Ripley fighting aliens and preds here on earth.

Fair enough that they have an opinion, but have any of them studied screewriting or actually done any themselves?  I've been studying writing and doing it for years and I'm still not terribly good at it.  You need people with informed opinions to tell you what works and what doesn't.  If you don't seek out informed opinions then at least read about writing - Syd Field, Robert McKee, William Goldman - any or all of them, plus numerous others.  They know what they're talking about.

The more I learn about writing, the more I look back on earlier stuff I've written and realise how terrible it is.  But at least I have an idea how to fix it.  You can't get married to this stuff.