Epic real life quotes

[Cap. Fitzgerald]

Like the title says. Post the most epic/good quotes youve ever heard in real life.
Heres one from a substitute i had
"And guess what people? The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over again and trying to get a different result!"
And another from her.
"One time a student was sitting right here in front of me texting while I was talking. So i came over and said "Hey yall look at this guys texting his girlfriend!" So take the phone and type in "Sorry i need to break up with you because I need to pay more attention to Mrs. H" and then pressed send and gave it back to him."
BEST TEACHER EVER! 

[VEF214]

I unhooked the lock off the computer trolley somehow. I told a ginger I knew to sit in the desk near me where I was sitting. He did and I said this would look good on you. I then hooked the lock through one of his belt loops around one of the metal bars that makes up the chair.

He then said, "Wat."

I walked off.

[Cap. Fitzgerald]

Thats kinda cruel 
Still funny though.

[ShadowPred]

OMFG, I can't believe I didn't do this myself.

I myself was collecting "stupid quotes" from one of my teachers for like a year at best, not every day though. So I'll try and see if I can find them lying around or something.

[Cap. Fitzgerald]

Nice
I should edit the title....

[Private Hudson]

Kinda disturbing and I wish I wasn't there...But whatever...

It was last years ROTC Summer Camp and the last night (We were, naturally, bunked with low IQ rednecks) some f**ktards decided to beat off at lights out. Luckily I was bunked around my friends who have brains...Our unfortunate little Freshman friend was surrounded by the rednecks. Needless to say it gets quiet and all you hear is the Freshmans little voice crack from across the barracks:

"D-Dude you jizzed on my arm..."

Redneck:

"Shut the f**k up bitch!"

Yep...So that's all you hear in a dark barracks full of men. I think anyone other than the rednecks were mentally scared, esspecially the poor Freshman.

Not epic, but quite disturbing...

[ShadowPred]

That is amazing.

[Cap. Fitzgerald]

That is amazingly creey.

Fixd

[Private Hudson]

Indeed, twas very odd.

[TJ Doc]

I was walking up a tiny bunch of steps (like, three of them) once, and I tripped. But I decided to make the most of my stupidity, and let out an epic "NOOOOOOOO!!!" as I fell.

I then stood up and walked off feeling slightly embarrassed.

 

[jackalope]

well there was this one situation where my friend and her two other friends were talking about boobs
i was minding my own business until they kept at it and so i screamed "LOOKS LIKE WE'VE GOT OURSELVES A TITUATION."

the end.

/end fail

[chupacabras acheronsis]

"its okay man, we're your friends"

-"no! you dont understand! i dont have any friends! you can't exist!"

[ShadowPred]

well there was this one situation where my friend and her two other friends were talking about boobs
i was minding my own business until they kept at it and so i screamed "LOOKS LIKE WE'VE GOT OURSELVES A TITUATION."

the end.

/end fail

No f**king way, lmao!

[jackalope]

well there was this one situation where my friend and her two other friends were talking about boobs
i was minding my own business until they kept at it and so i screamed "LOOKS LIKE WE'VE GOT OURSELVES A TITUATION."

the end.

/end fail

No f**king way, lmao!

better believe it

[ShadowPred]

I do, too damn funny that it happened like that. I can just see their faces, just giving you a blank stare.