Mr. Sin\\\'s religion/atheism page

[Mr. Sin]

We already have one in general discussion, but since I view theistic ideology in a humorous light, I invite one and all to discuss the demerits of religion and or the absurdity of atheism.

All points of view are welcome, but the moment you actually start getting serious about the issue you must go to the general discussion thread as this one is reserved for jokes, satire, and all things humorous about faith and lack of faith combined.

Who knows through laughter we may even find middle ground! I will make it known that I am an atheist, a proud one, and I verily understand that there will always be an equal but opposite version of each of us, that being said, you don't need to respect my atheism just as I don't need to give two shits about your theism, however I do wish to respect the person behind the crazy beliefs just as they should respect an atheist despite their hellhound sinning... It is possible folks.

Now then let the fun begin! Start making jokes! They may sting, they may not, just remember.... It's the internet.

I present STORY TIME WITH MR. SIN:

"THE DISCUSSION"

Theist: (／`o´)／ I believes in teh yawehs!

Atheist: (* Ŏ∀Ŏ) Silly person, y u do dat?

Theist: (／`o´)／ Bcuz teh biblezz sez... It say I gotta! U shut ur sinny azz up! Lerviticrus say...

Atheist:  (ლ╹◡╹)ლ   Ooh, u so bad! It coo. Imma reed histury books instead.

Theist: つД⊂   No! Byble only! Gawd is gud!

Atheist: Ծ_Ծ Good sir, every known religion can be traced back to early hominids in 220,000 BCE. Your religion is a derivative of countless ideas passed verbally for generations before being poorly scribed for even more generations. Your god was once a tree, then a rain cloud, then a cat, then a bagel, then Zeus, then Jehovah, then Joe Smith,  then L. Ron Hubbard. In other words, you worshipping anything is merely a reminder of primitive habits... Discussing their merits is illogical and futile.

Theist: ٩(͡๏̯͡๏)۶

Atheist: Ծ_Ծ  What say you, good sir?

.....

...........

.................

Theist:  ʅ（‾◡◝）ʃ  Magawd is guuuud!


THE END ....?

STORY TIME WITH MR. SIN:

"THE DEBATE"

Jerk 1:   (;¬_¬)   I'm rite, so go 2 hell n bite me! Not innat ordr!

Jerk 2:  ( ಠ ಠ )    U mega wrong, man. I'm gunna beat ur azz!

Jerk 1:   (/ﾟДﾟ)/   Ma pointzz is valed!! U has no gud poynts! I kill you!!

Jerk 2:  (‡▼益▼)   FAG!



Jerk 1:   ╥﹏╥   Know nEd to b rude.....

THE END

[SiL]

Religious people are stupid! They rely on
faith and hearsay instead of logic and science!
They're too content in their ignorance!


Yeah! Hey, that reminds me, I have a
question. Remember we were talking earlier?
There was something you said and I didn't
understand what you meant.


Well I can't make you understand it a
certain way. The whole thing was meant
as a joke.


I got that, but your message kind'a got
lost on me in one part and I was wondering
if you could explain. See --


God, I hate people who demand answers!


What? I'm just asking if you could --


Go away! I'm not talking to you! If there's
one thing I hate, it's people who ask me
to answer things.


But ... !

La la la can't hear you not talking to
you bye!

... dafuq.

LATER


So you're saying I'll get how many
virgins?


SEVENTY-TWO, SUBJECT TO AVAILABILITY.


Availability?


TRY TO GET IN BEFORE SPRING BREAK,
IS WHAT I'M SAYING.


Deal!

[ShadowPred]

This f**king rebirth.

[SiL]

An atheist, a Christian and a Jew walk into a
bar.


I hope it hurt!


DAW HO HO HO HO HO!

[Mr. Sin]

SIL, that was awesome. I apologize for snapping as I did. I truly do. It was the perfect storm. I spent three hours crafting that joke and was dead tired by the time you contacted me. I did not mean to take it out on you, I just didn't want to have to think anymore as the joke itself took so much work... Though I definitely think you and I will be at odds, I am fair and have unblocked you, even though I surmise you were more interested in getting under my skin than participating in my own thread.

Be that as it may, you achieved what nobody could which was to genuinely upset me, which I don't appreciate, however I can understand your point of view from your awesome post and again apologize. I hope I do not regret unblocking you. Perhaps a truce is in order.

And thank you, as your query allowed me to analyze the story and improve it, or at least do so from my perspective.



Disclaimer, my views speak for nobody else. This story contains actual historical timelines which help illustrate a point, that point being: religion is not sacred, divine, or to be considered anything above reproach. I understand many will disagree, and if that is you, go to Sabby's page as this is about fun. ( ˘ ³˘)❤

STORY TIME WITH MR. SIN:

"THE TALK"

Son: (´◉ ω ◉`)？dad, what's Young-Earth Christianity?

Dad: (´･_･`)  it's an offshoot of one of three abrahamic faiths, little billy.

Son: (；◔ิд◔ิ) what's a faith?

Dad: (´･_･`) that means religion. Something we don't practice.

Son: (；◔ิд◔ิ)  so what are we?

Dad: (´･_･`) what do you mean? We're people. (•ิ_•ิ)? What's with all the questions?

Son: (p〃д〃q)  my friend Cletus says I'm going to hell if I ain't chrischin, and the earth is just a few thousand years old...

Dad: (⊙_☉) oh, reaaalllly now...

Son: (；◔ิд◔ิ)  yeah... so what are we?

Dad: (◎_◎;)   We're atheists, billy.

Son: (；◔ิд◔ิ)  what's that? Is it like Christianity?

Dad: (◎-◎；)  in order to explain, we have to go back.... ლ(ಠ_ಠლ)  waaaay back....

220,000 - 100,000 BCE

(Dad: it all began here... With the beginning of ceremonial rites.)

Neanderthal: ಠ▃ಠ  grogg smell bad. Me think she dead...

Neanderthal 2: (ಠ益ಠ)  uh... We bury her? Maybe smell go away?

Neanderthal: ಠ▃ಠ  ya. If it work, we do it more, k?

Neanderthal 2: (ಠ益ಠ)  k

PRESENT

Son:  (；◔ิд◔ิ) so they were the first human ancestors to have funerals?

Dad: (´･_･`)  that's right, billy, but there's more...

8000 BCE

Neolithic man:   ಠ▃ಠ   We made the precursor to Stonehenge. Pretty groovy use of intellect. Imagine what well think up over the course of the next THOUSANDS of years... Stuff like books n shit...

PRESENT DAY:

Son: (；◔ิд◔ิ)  wow, sounds like humans have been pretty creative for a long time, huh?

Dad:  (⌒ー⌒) Creative AND primally stupid, billy. By today's standards at least.   (◎-◎；)   Come, let's look deeper....

3750 BCE

Proto-Semitic Man: ヽ(´▽｀)ノ I hear there's this bitchin place called the near east Arabian peninsula, we should go there, man!

Proto-Semitic Man 2:   (´∀`)  Ya, let's chill in Mesopotamia, Egypt, and Ethiopia n stuff!

Proto-Semitic Man:  ヽ(´▽｀)ノ    Hey on the way you can help me write a story...??

Proto-Semitic Man 2:  ◕‿◕ What story, brah?

Proto-Semitic Man:   ಠ▃ಠ  It's a badass saga that's gunna totally influence my great grandkids into writing about... Shit, I dunno... Abrahamic faith or some shit...

PRESENT

Son:  (；◔ิд◔ิ)  So those guys created the religion that would later become the germ of Christianity thereby sort of negating the whole divine inspiration schpeel?

Dad:   ◕‿◕   Yep, that's right billy.

Son:   (*′☉.̫☉)  Wowwww, we can trace the origin of religion way back in time! A time when the bible didn't exist because it wasn't written yet because it had to be influenced by these older texts?!?

Dad:  (¬‿¬)   That's right son! They're just really old stories not meant to be worshipped in this day and age! Incredible, ain't it?

Son:  ＼（＠￣∇￣＠）／  Tell me more!

Dad:  (∩▂∩)   You got it son!

3100 - 2900 BCE

Ancient Irishman: (。ヘ°) Newgrange is finished! What a relief!

Ancient Irishman 2:    (•ิ_•ิ)?Why'd we make this again?

Ancient Irishman:   (。ヘ°)  To celebrate the winter solstice, dumbass. We gotta do that every year now. Like a tradition... Forever.

(Son: we do that every year too! It's called Christmas! Neeto!)

(Dad: I think you'll find Christianity and many other religions stole traditions from across many different periods in time, Billy.)

3000 BCE

Sumarian man:  (ノ＞▽＜。)ノ  So I just invented cuneiform, yo, this shits the bomb!

Sumarian man 2:  （⌒▽⌒）  Sweet man, now we can start keeping track of all our primitive ideas and pass them on along with some fundamentally crucial ones that'll shape humanity!

Sumarian man:  (ノ＞▽＜。)ノ  I know right? I totally think my kids need to remember all the outdated crap my barely-literate ass thought up in a haze! Then they can pass it on and even expand it! I sure hope they build upon all our good ideas and not our batshit crazy ones!

(Son:  Wowsers, early man was kinda nuts.)

(Dad: They sure were billy. They suuuure were.)

2494 - 2345 BCE

Ancient Egyptian:  （ ´థ౪థ） Hah! I've done it! I've composed the oldest surviving religious texts in existence and nowhere in them is any bullshit about some bloke named Abraham! That won't exist for a loooooong time!

(Son:  But I thought Egypt was in the bible?)

(Dad: It is son, but the Mcdonalds down the street's been there since before you were born and you don't see me saying it didn't exist till you came around now do ya?)

(Son: well, I guess not.)

(Dad: that's how you know we're not creationists!)

2200 BCE

Cretian man: ( ఠൠఠ ) let's start up Minoan civilization and worship a ton of babe goddesses!

Cretian woman:  (☝΄◞ิ۝◟ิ‵)☝  It's about time you did! I bet that religion is here to stay! Sure bet it won't be a springboard for future religions before going extinct!


2150 - 2000 BCE

Sumarian man:  （ლ ^ิ౪^ิ)ლ  Sweet, I just wrote the epic of Gilgamesh! I'm the first dude to write a totally epic story, literally!

(Son: that was a very sophisticated story for the time, huh?)

(Dad: you bet, kiddo! It paved the way for all literature to come for ages including that silly ole Christianity which acts like it was the end all be all of everything.)

PRESENT

Son:  (；◔ิд◔ิ)  Jeepers dad, you'd think modern religion was the only think that ever existed the way Cletus talks.

Dad:  ◉︵◉  It's called ignorance son. Sometimes really smart people can believe this stuff too... That's when it's called indoctrination.

Son:  (；◔ิд◔ิ)  What's that?

Dad:  (╭☞•́⍛•̀)╭☞ It's when you brainwash someone during a moment of vulnerability whether it be crisis or just being young and stupid.

Son:   (╯⊙ ⊱ ⊙╰ )   Boy, that sure is sad.

Dad:  (￣‥￣) You don't know the half of it. Way back when, people didn't have these fancy-pants singular gods we have today either, they worshipped a ton of em!

Son:   (╯⊙ ⊱ ⊙╰ )   When did we only worship one?

Dad:（´◉◞౪◟◉)   Let's find out!

1367 BCE

Pharoe Akhenaten: ◣ 益◢ Enough of this multiple-gods shit! From now on, here in Egypt, we only worship one god! All hail Aten the sun disc!!

Egyptian surf: (ΘLΘ)   I dunno man, that don't seem like a safe bet...

Pharoe Akhenaten:  ◣ 益◢  Why don't you just shutdafaxup, you think this is bad?... Wait till you start hearing bout these f**ks makin up their own monotheistic bull-shitz centuries from now...some crap about a burning bush and talking snakes and shit..

(Son: So the Pharoe made the Christianity story possible?)

(Dad: unfortunately, yes, but you'd be hard pressed to find a Christian who knows that these days.)

(Son: so up next is the god of Abraham, right?)

(Dad: not even close, billy)

1200 - 600 BCE

Ancient Indian: ( ´థ,_‥థ｀)  Phew, the Upanishads were a mofo to write, but at least they'll pave the way for....

Ancient Indian 2: ( ･ิω･ิ)  Christ??

Ancient Indian: （ ´థ౪థ） what? No, foolio, Hinduism, Jainism, and Buddhism! What's christianity, f**ker?

Ancient Indian 2:   ( ･ิω･ิ)  If I had to guess, it's a story that borrows heavily from what you wrote right there, but with more blood and goat herding....

Ancient Indian:  ( ༎ຶŎ༎ຶ )  No shit?

PRESENT

Son:  (；◔ิд◔ิ)   Wow, it really seems like religion is a melting pot of literary evolution and not the inspired word of ANY god!

Dad: ʕʘ‿ʘʔ   now you're getting it, son! It's just old gibberish you can trace back to Neanderthals.

Son: (；◔ิд◔ิ)   So that's it, right? Next up is Christianity?

Dad:  (∩▂∩)  Hah, of course not, billy.

1200 BCE

Ancient Olmec Man:  〠_〠   Dude I just built the earliest temples and pyramids in central murika! That's legit as fuuuuuk.  I hope nobody in the future assumes I did this shit after, oh, I dunno... Christianity happens or some shit.... That would be lame sauce cuz I totally built this place of worship first man....

(Son: why does that matter?)

(Dad: because every bible thumping asshole-creationist thinks Christianity is all that ever existed and it's egocentric and wrong, billy.)

PRESENT

SON:  (；◔ิд◔ิ)  Not to be a dick, dad, but this religion stuff is real bullshit. When did Jesus come on the scene then?

Dad: (◎-◎；)   7 BCE....

Son:   (╯⊙ ⊱ ⊙╰ )   Dude.....

Dad:  (◎-◎；)  Ya.....

Son:  (╯⊙ ⊱ ⊙╰ )  Dooooood......

Dad:  (◎-◎；)    7.... f**king..... B...C....E....

Son: ☜-(ΘLΘ)-☞   And people think this shits for real....??  That's a f**king blip in history! Christianity is a newly grown boil on the ASS-OF-TIME!!!!

Dad:  ◉︵◉   I know, I don't get it either....   ☝ˆ~ˆ  Especially when you can look it up.... Or study it in school.

Son:  (/ﾟДﾟ)/   Religion is just dumb old shit we keep passing on just because! It's not even only the creationists that got it wrong! All these people debating this crap are still forgetting that it can all be traced backwards in history!!!

Dad:  (¬▂¬)   Yooohhhhp!

Son:   (/ﾟДﾟ)/   f**k this, I'm out!!!! Atheism all the way! Why argue over books you can literally prove are based on older shit, thereby NEGATING divinity?!?

Dad:   ƪ(•̃͡ε•̃͡)∫ʃ   Because religious people don't care about facts.... That's why they're religious.

THE END.... ?

[Vickers]

[KNIGHT]

I'm gone for like two days and suddenly Mr. Sin has a thread full or religions, jokes and emoticons.

What the hell did I miss.

[Mr. Sin]

I'm gone for like two days and suddenly Mr. Sin has a thread full or religions, jokes and emoticons.

What the hell did I miss.

I learn exponentially, especially with Vickers' assistance.
I have come to realize that I can channel humor through emoticons quite effectively.
I also observe others to appreciate their sentiments.

You think this is odd? I got into my first emotionally heated argument yesterday. It was discomforting.

[Crazy Rich]

Two Queens is back from the dead!

[SM]

If only.  Two Queens had actual humour.

[SiL]

SM has been utterly, utterly opposed to anything I've tried doing that might be construed as the least bit humorous lately. Verily, I must flagellate myself.

Pies Iesu domine
dona eis requiem
*thwack*

[AliceApocalypse]

SM has been utterly, utterly opposed to anything I've tried doing that might be construed as the least bit humorous lately. Verily, I must flagellate myself.

Pies Iesu domine
dona eis requiem
*thwack*

If memory serves correctly, didn't the last Two Queens involve SM?  Might be a good start for a dynamic duo comeback 

[Cvalda]

Son: (；◔ิд◔ิ)  what's that? Is it like Christianity?

Dad: (◎-◎；)  in order to explain, we have to go back.... ლ(ಠ_ಠლ)  waaaay back....

It was about right here I started to LMAO.

[Mr. Sin]

Son: (；◔ิд◔ิ)  what's that? Is it like Christianity?

Dad: (◎-◎；)  in order to explain, we have to go back.... ლ(ಠ_ಠლ)  waaaay back....

It was about right here I started to LMAO.

Then my task is done.

d(-_^)good!!

I'm particularly proud of this one, as I shared it with some religious family embers and they opted to cease communication rather than pursue rebuttal, which equates to mission accomplished.

(￣^￣)ゞ

This joke was crafted out of the need to voice my disdain for faith without stating the quite rudimentary arguments against religion, which, in my opinion that speaks for nobody, are almost always playing into the hands of theism. You'd be hard pressed, verily, to find me using god in a debate against a theist.... Which reminds me.. BRB...

STORY TIME WITH MR. SIN:

"THE DUO"

Atheist 1:   (¬_¬)  You ready for this, kid? There's no going back.

Atheist 2:  (☉౪ ⊙)   Peice of cake! This'll be easy peezy, lemon squeezy.

Atheist 1:    (¬▂¬)   You're in the big leagues now, you gotta stay on point. C'mon let's go.

(They walk up to a picketing theist at a funeral....)

Batshit-crazy theist: (ʘдʘ╬)   Magawd hayts fags! Magawd hayts fags!

(Atheist 1 nudges his younger associate. Time to get this party started... Atheist 2 marches up to theist...)

Atheist 2:    (；￣Д￣）  If god really hates fags, then why does he....

Atheist 1:  ＼(｀0´)／    Nope!

Atheist 2:   (╯⊙ ⊱ ⊙╰ )    What?!

Atheist 1:    ლಠ益ಠ)ლ   Your starting the argument with a premise that acknowledges a possibility of god....

Atheist 2:   (￣‥￣)   And? I'll look arrogant if I don't....

Atheist 1:   ( ><)   Were gunna look that way no matter what, so clean up your act!    ಠ▃ಠ  Look, I know we can't be 100% sure there ISN'T one, but kid, you don't see theists acknowledging there may NOT be one; know why??

Atheist 2:   ╲(｡◕‿◕｡)╱    Because they're indoctrinated idiots?

Atheist 1:   ヽ(ｏ`皿′ｏ)ﾉ   Because that's OUR job, numb nuts!  We don't think god exists, so why the f**k would we start an argument with "if god exists, how come....?"

(Uncomfortable silence)

Atheist 1:     (¬д¬。)   C'mon, try again.

(Theist's marching like a zealous prick)

Batshit-crazy Theist:   (╬〇д〇)凸    Wun hoo blasfemez da naym uv da LAWRD shell b putz 2 deth; da hole congrgashun shell stown da blasfemer. - lervitrcrus 24:16!

Atheist 2:  (；￣Д￣）   But doesn't the bible also say.....

Atheist 1: （;≧皿≦）   STOP! Stop right there!

Atheist 2:  ╭(๑¯д¯๑)╮  What now ?!?

Atheist 1:    ヽ(.◕ฺˇд ˇ◕ฺ;)ﾉ  Would you use a stick of butter to slice butter?   o(≧o≦)o  No, no because that makes no f**king sense. You'd only try something THAT stupid if you had absolutely nothing else...  щ(ﾟДﾟщ)    Kind of like trying to disprove THE BIBLE by using... THE BIBLE, but the thing is you have a shit-ton of stuff to use called history.

Atheist 2:  (∩︵∩)   But I don't know that much about history. Never studied.

Atheist 1:   ᕙ(⇀‸↼‶)ᕗ  Science then! You can cite reputable data!

Atheist 2:   ( _ _ ） I failed science too.

Atheist 1:  ヽ(●ﾟ´Д｀ﾟ●)ﾉﾟ  Gah! Then why do you argue with theists?? How'd you become an atheist?

Atheist 2: ┌┤´д`├┐  My friends convinced me that religious stupidity's gunna make our future generations dumbass lemmings.

Atheist 1:   ಠ_ಠ   .....

Atheist 2:（ _ _ ） ....,,,,,..

Atheist 1:   ಠ_ಠ   ....................

Atheist 2:  (︶︹︺)   .............,.,,,,,

Atheist 1:   ( ಠ ಠ )    Do you know what sardonic means, kid?

THE END...?

(Wondering what happened to the batshit-crazy theist? Well, they died in a fiery car crash on their way to picket a life-saving research facility.)

THE END.... END

[SM]

Is this one of those slow burn things when it take pages and page to get to a punchline?

SM has been utterly, utterly opposed to anything I've tried doing that might be construed as the least bit humorous lately. Verily, I must flagellate myself.

Pies Iesu domine
dona eis requiem
*thwack*

Not cracking a stiffy over an in-joke that went on way too long apparently = "utterly, utterly opposed"...