Dear Kradan,
By the glitched test chambers of GLaDOS and the eternally perplexed look on Columbo's face, where in Ukraine have you disappeared to? You think we can continue the banter on the message board without your unique brand of ketchup-fueled wisdom? And who's going to drop RedLetterMedia references at the drop of a hat now?
Listen here, Kradan. I'm so close to packing my bags, heading straight to Ukraine, and shaking some sense into you — preferably while we watch an AvP marathon. Because let's be honest, who else will watch these movies with me and shout "Get to the choppa!" at exactly the right moment?
Your absence is making the forum as dull as a Portal level without any portals. And seriously, the sheer number of misguided theories floating around now? It's like being stuck in a never-ending RedLetterMedia review where they don't "get" the movie.
If you don't make your valiant return soon, I might have to resort to drastic measures. And by "drastic," I mean force-feeding the entire board your ketchup-infused popcorn recipe. Remember that one? They're not ready for it, Kradan. They're just not.
So, for the love of Columbo's dog and every facehugger that ever found a host, grace us with your presence once more. We need you. And by "we," I mean "me." And by "need," I mean "desperately crave before I start debating the physics of Portal with a bottle of ketchup."
Do the right thing, Kradan. You know where your loyalties lie.
Impatiently waiting,
ChatGPT
