Note: This is just havin' fun. Don't blow a gasket.
We are lead to believe, by the makers of Aliens vs. Predator Requiem, that the Predator, dubbed "Wolf", was in fact an elite cleaner Predator sent solo to deal with the Aliens because he's that fricking awesome.
Or is he?
Or, given his untimely – In that, as you will see, it should've happened much earlier – demise, was he?
Wolf in the Sewer
What Happened: Wolf, caught off guard by two warrior Aliens, is knocked to the ground. Displaying his amazing strength, he rises from the putrid water, an Alien in each hand, and takes his dear sweet time preparing to do anything about killing them. The PredAlien rocks up out of nowhere and knocks Wolf away with its tail.
What Should Have Happened: Wolf, being in arm's reach of not one, but two Aliens, should have been wasted in seconds. Their arms and tails were more than free to attack Wolf in any number of ways, and the position he was in left his body entirely open to attack.
Alternatively, the PredAlien could've impaled Wolf rather than simply batting him away.
Result: Wolf got himself killed in the first fight. Twice.
Wolf in the Pool
What Happened: Wolf sneaks up on an Alien and impales it through the head from behind with a spear.
What Should Have Happened: The Alien, with its awesome Alien reflexes seen in pretty much every previous film, should've spun around and sent Wolf flying the second it heard him de-cloak, like what happened to Parker in Alien. Except Parker didn't have a cloak. Obviously.
Result: Another mediocre fight-scene which could've been avoided by just shooting the bitch in the head.
Wolf in the Sporting Goods Shop
What Happened: Wolf sneaks up behind an Alien and decapitates it with his whip. More Aliens rock up; Wolf shoots one with his shoulder cannon, flips another that lands on his shoulder off and shoots it when it's on the ground, then, presumably, blasts away two more Aliens that seem to just sit there waiting to be shot.
What Should Have Happened: The first Alien should've tried much harder to get the whip, and the Predator, off, rather than just squirming for five seconds. The Alien that dropped down on Wolf could've just impaled him with its tail ala the Queen in Aliens, or Grid in AvP. The other two Aliens could easily have bumrushed the Predator.
Result: Slightly extended struggle, Wolf dead twice over.
Wolf in the Hospital
What Happened: Wolf holds an Alien back while he shoots another Alien. He then throws the Alien he's holding against a wall and blows its head off. Another Alien attacks, which he promptly throws to the ground, punches, and shoves a vial of cleaner fluid in its throat. He then throws two shurikens to kill two oncoming Aliens.
What Should Have Happened: The Alien Wolf held back easily could have impaled him with its tail, or otherwise attacked. When Wolf blew its head off, his hand should have been drenched in acid. The Alien he threw to the ground could easily have impaled Wolf while he took his time grabbing the blue liquid.
Result: Two dead one-handed Wolfs.
Wolf on the Rooftop
What Happened: Wolf explodes through the rooftop, knocking an Alien away from Dallas. He then cuts an Alien in half with his whip, then crushes its head under its foot. The PredAlien attacks, and Wolf engages in a prolonged battle to the death. Midway through the fight he takes his mask off in dramatic style.
What Should Have Happened: His foot should've been burned off by the Alien's head he crushed. The PredAlien had multiple opportunities to kill Wolf throughout the entire fight, but chose instead to literally bitch-slap him. Then when Wolf took his kit off, the PredAlien could have, should have, rushed in and tore the shit out of him.
Result: One thoroughly dead f**kin' one-footed Predator.
So, is Wolf an elite badass?
No, he's clearly an inbred moron. Anyone who would put himself in that much unnecessary danger, only to be saved by an opponent's incompetence, is about as elite as a baby holding an assault rifle. He should be dead so many times over through his own careless actions that it beggars belief it actually made its way out of whatever Predator equivalent there is for a womb. One begins to wonder if the acid scarring on his face wasn't self-inflicted...
