f**kign torn in shreds as of yesterday and today. A proposal of mine fell off a cliff to the deepest depht of hell. As you guys don't know, I phoned this girl I like on the 19th of December I think, to invite her at the cinema. Since that date, there has been only a large quantity of remittals, coming to the cherry on the top of a cake, alas this.
Spoiler
I'm Me, other person is []:
So I'm like,
Me: is it all okey?
[]: fine, gimme a minute.
*A quarter of an hour passes through the damn school, because of course I had to follow her in her journeys with her friends, and it all felt like a fleeing plan*
Me: You... have a minute now?
[]: Yes.
Me: is it all okey for that thing we talked abou-
[]: No, I can't sorry, can't do cos I have commitments tomorrow.
Me: What about the week after Christmas?
[]: I can't, going to the Mountains.
Me: Well, um, ok... [on the inside perhaps, I'm like FFFFFUUUUUUUU-]
During the whole dialogue she was either smiling at her friends or rolling eyes slightly.
We then go to the concert of last-day-before-Christmas-holidays.... some good cosplay'd Led Zeppelin tracks on there, they really nailed the sound to an extent (only redeeming thing of the day)... Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas, greetings blabla, kiss-on-cheek, go. I then went home by foot, it was raining and I guess it wasn't the only water getting on the glasses while I was listening to
Broken, Beat & Scarred on my iPod. During the whole thing (4 hours of embarassment, shyness and more shyness, of f**king course) I felt like a f**king mace was being striked at me, repeatedly. I'm such a naive guy, you know. I'm quite hard to get wink-wink-nudge-nudge type of words or actions. But I guess I got it this time...? Yeah, I f**king got it, nevermind. f**king love. And I can't even get rid of just about
everything I think or happen to dream at night. Can't remove it, can't remove f**king
anything at all... it's the same thing since 5 years now, always been in the Shadows. The moment I try to rise out of the depht of course, I fall even deeper. Right now, since I can't remove those feelings... I am trying to encase them in a steel box.
It has to be a big thing if I get up at f**king 8 am even if I know there isn't School!