Good evening. I'm Arnold Butthang, and this is "Playground Gossip".
The search for extraterrestrial life came to an end this morning with the discovery of biological life forms on the recently colonized planetoid affectionately named "Planet X". Unfortunately, it appears the news is no call for celebration, as scientists have determined them to be primitive to the point of lacking any form of verbal or physical communication skills. On a day which so many generations of humanity longed to see, newspapers around the world deliver Headlines which will no doubt stifle the hopes and dreams of millions, "Alien life found at last, and it's dumber than sh*t". A representative for NASA declined to comment, but was overhead saying, "it's official, we are are not alone, but we may as well be".
And in other new, Bill Gates celebrated his 270th birthday yesterday on the moon. The party was marred only by a brief incident in which a 50ft coil of hose-pipe suddenly became self aware and attacked popular German pianist Salvador Mancini. During the attack, Mr Mancini was quoted as saying, (choking noise).
