The Recess Thread - It's Nothing Personal

[Immortan Jonesy]

There must be a deleted scene revealing what happened to Hudson's son after childbirth...

[The Old One]

[Huggs]

You know those big plastic swing seats that you put your legs through? The kind that were like a big rubber diaper?

I hated those.

[TheSailingRabbit]

You know those big plastic swing seats that you put your legs through? The kind that were like a big rubber diaper?

I hated those.

Really? I remember liking those better than the other ones.

[Huggs]

You know those big plastic swing seats that you put your legs through? The kind that were like a big rubber diaper?

I hated those.

Really? I remember liking those better than the other ones.

You couldn't launch out of them though. I needed clearance to fly.

[Voodoo Magic]

As with all her prior hakaishins, Cus held a spotty relationship with Ramu. She was the oldest of her siblings, and as such, had gone through many mortal students. After millions of years, their lives sometimes would barely register as a flicker of her eye. There was never any tension to speak of - her universe was always a laid back one. Perhaps that was the problem. All the same, it was this satisfaction that would lead Ramu to say nothing, in that first century, when Cus brought a mortal man home with her, in the dead of the night. She always had her men. Sometimes women. Usually men. Always young. Always screaming, in one fashion or another; ranging in variety in a single night. Should he say anything, he wondered? Did the god he replaced deal with this same issue? Is this what he had meant when he told him upon his induction, "Let her keep her pets, unless you want to shit scorpions for a year?" Or perhaps the strange, century year long absences followed by phone calls asking for "Granny Centipede" were another clue. Her duty as attendant was perfect, otherwise. It was best to say nothing. After all, what sign of mischief was there, really? What cause for alarm? The endless parade of slightly blue-skinned, sometimes white-haired children she might occasionally be seen teaching, raising and caring for, on some mortal world? Her so-called "spider god cave," where she sometimes would capture livestock in a vast steel web of her own invention, before balling them up into cocoons and siphoning their life forces into a nearby garden, whose fruits and vegetables she would sell for money she would then simply throw away? Or even the times she would tell him, "I love having sinful, carnal sexual relationships with mortal men, raising families with them without my father's knowledge or consent, and sometimes freaking them the f**k out with insects and shit. Hey, don't tell anyone, or your millions of years of life will become an eternity of hell?" No, these were nothing. Flimsy pretexts for pointless worries, in an otherwise perfect relationship with one of the cosmo's brightest angels.

?

[Huggs]

As with all her prior hakaishins, Cus held a spotty relationship with Ramu. She was the oldest of her siblings, and as such, had gone through many mortal students. After millions of years, their lives sometimes would barely register as a flicker of her eye. There was never any tension to speak of - her universe was always a laid back one. Perhaps that was the problem. All the same, it was this satisfaction that would lead Ramu to say nothing, in that first century, when Cus brought a mortal man home with her, in the dead of the night. She always had her men. Sometimes women. Usually men. Always young. Always screaming, in one fashion or another; ranging in variety in a single night. Should he say anything, he wondered? Did the god he replaced deal with this same issue? Is this what he had meant when he told him upon his induction, "Let her keep her pets, unless you want to shit scorpions for a year?" Or perhaps the strange, century year long absences followed by phone calls asking for "Granny Centipede" were another clue. Her duty as attendant was perfect, otherwise. It was best to say nothing. After all, what sign of mischief was there, really? What cause for alarm? The endless parade of slightly blue-skinned, sometimes white-haired children she might occasionally be seen teaching, raising and caring for, on some mortal world? Her so-called "spider god cave," where she sometimes would capture livestock in a vast steel web of her own invention, before balling them up into cocoons and siphoning their life forces into a nearby garden, whose fruits and vegetables she would sell for money she would then simply throw away? Or even the times she would tell him, "I love having sinful, carnal sexual relationships with mortal men, raising families with them without my father's knowledge or consent, and sometimes freaking them the f**k out with insects and shit. Hey, don't tell anyone, or your millions of years of life will become an eternity of hell?" No, these were nothing. Flimsy pretexts for pointless worries, in an otherwise perfect relationship with one of the cosmo's brightest angels.

I'd say she hasn't met the one yet.

[The Old One]

Spoiler

The body of Kos brought a destiny to Yharnamites. When Willem first saw the corpse of the unknowable god being prodded by a young child with a stick, he discovered a plan formulating within him. After several hours of setting off firecrackers in its asshole, that plan was complete. After several more hours of stuffing frogs into Kos' mouth, that plan was... it was laid in Willem's mind. It would only take several more days of throwing m-80s at the body of she that fell from the heavens before that plan would begin. And that plan was to cut out peoples' eyes and shove them up their noses. That's probably the best way to get them to the brain. That way those eyes would open, and humans would at last be able to see something or another. Probably. Strangely, the first volunteers began to go insane. Huh. After a few more rounds of shooting roman candles into Kos' four week old corpse, Willem and his disciple, Laurence, had a schism of philosophy. Willem, who wished to continue carving out eyes and putting them in holes, and Laurence, who wished to keep f**king with Kos' corpse. The division was never reconciled, the corpse of Kos was abandoned, and the local fireworks factory went out of business. Such was the destiny of Yharnam, and the beginning of the end.

[close]

[Samhain13]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8_eFgvIvyik

Plague managed to get even weirder over the last months. Miss his dragon ball videos though.

[The Old One]

Plague of Gripes is S-tier.

[TheSailingRabbit]

I didn't know there was honey cornbread and spicy cornbread.

[Voodoo Magic]

There's even cornless cornbread.

[Huggs]

Neither did I.

Honey cornbread sounds a bit nasty.

[TheSailingRabbit]

Neither did I.

Honey cornbread sounds a bit nasty.

I'll bet Spunkmeyer secretly likes it. It's like putting something on vegetables to get your kid to eat them.

[Huggs]

Neither did I.

Honey cornbread sounds a bit nasty.

I'll bet Spunkmeyer secretly likes it. It's like putting something on vegetables to get your kid to eat them.

They couldn't fool me. I threw up in my glass and that was the end of the cheese covered broccoli.

I was devious, but successful.