Things you just hate in the world

[SM]

Now what if the a random stranger complimented you on your good looks in a polite non-sexual way? How would you feel?

Mildly repulsed. I don't go around randomly complimenting guys I think are hot on their looks down the aisle of the supermarket--why do that to a woman? It's not flattering, it's creepy, and makes many of us feel like nothing more than pieces of meat.

Which dovetails into another thing I hate: when men on the street randomly tell women to "smile." Once again, f**k you. I am not here to be a pleasant part of the scenery, nor do I have any obligation to brighten your day with my facial expressions. You don't randomly look at another guy on the street and tell him to "smile, honey"--so don't f**king do it to me.

The hell kind of guy tells a random woman to "smile"? That's just weird. If I can say something to a girl I've never met before, and make her laugh with what I tell her (believe me, I do it all the time since it's my job to make guests have a great experience while eating) than she isn't offended by it. How else are is someone supposed to meet a potential friend without breaking the ice by saying a simple "hello"? Anyways, I can sense that you're kind of a 'prude' and fight for 'feminist rights' with what we're debating here (I could be wrong though). I respect you and your opinion but please, just remember not all men are the same. I treat women with respect and not in an immature disgusting way like you think.

Yeah I think the issue is assuming every man who uses 'sweetie' or 'honey' has some sort of anti-female agenda.

Same as assuming Cvalda is a raging femmo for getting worked up about it. (I could be wrong though)

[Cvalda]

The hell kind of guy tells a random woman to "smile"? That's just weird.

The "smile" thing happens all the time. You can even Google "men telling women to smile" and you get a ton of hits from women who hate it.

If I can say something to a girl I've never met before, and make her laugh with what I tell her (believe me, I do it all the time since it's my job to make guests have a great experience while eating) than she isn't offended by it. How else are is someone supposed to meet a potential friend without breaking the ice by saying a simple "hello"?

Making a joke or something is fine. Never said it wasn't. I'm not talking about trying to get to know someone, I'm talking about guys who don't even know you, or have any desire to, just walking by and saying "Hey, you should smile more!"

Anyways, I can sense that you're kind of a 'prude' and fight for 'feminist rights' with what we're debating here (I could be wrong though). I respect you and your opinion but please, just remember not all men are the same. I treat women with respect and not in an immature disgusting way like you think.

What? I suppose not wanting to be treated like a child is prudish. Nor have I even commented on what you're like as a person, so why drag that into this? And I'm not "fighting for feminist rights" (those bitches!), I'm complaining about something I hate on a personal level in the thread for where you do such a thing.

Yeah I think the issue is assuming every man who uses 'sweetie' or 'honey' has some sort of anti-female agenda.

I never said that. I said it's rude or patronizing in a work environment or general setting where I don't even know you. Bottom line is that a straight man calling a woman he's not close with "honey" or "sweetie" is just another way of establishing dominance, subconciously or not. It's not appreciated.

Same as assuming Cvalda is a raging femmo for getting worked up about it. (I could be wrong though)

Ah, c'mon, just say "feminazi." Why hold back?

[SM]

I never said that. I said it's rude or patronizing in a work environment or general setting where I don't even know you. Bottom line is that a straight man calling a woman he's not close with "honey" or "sweetie" is just another way of establishing dominance, subconciously or not. It's not appreciated.

Trying to assert dominance over a woman is anti-female, non?

Ah, c'mon, just say "feminazi." Why hold back?

'Cos it's not a terribly nice term, so I avoided using it.

Mind you if you'd prefer I use that, sweetie...

[Cvalda]

Trying to assert dominance over a woman is anti-female, non?

It often is, but not always. Men generally assert dominance over everything--not just women. It's only anti-female when it's explicit. If a guy does it unconsciously, it's not anti-female, it's just unwittingly rude. If I knew a guy didn't mean anything rude by it, I wouldn't get angry with him or say anything about it. I'd still hate it, though. When a guy is clearly doing it to be patronizing, and knows it, that's when it crosses the line and I say something.

[SM]

Which is the distinction I was getting at.

[Cvalda]

'Cos it's not a terribly nice term, so I avoided using it.

Mind you if you'd prefer I use that, sweetie...

Considering "terribly nice" is seemingly not your forte, why care? (I could be wrong, though.)

Which is the distinction I was getting at.

Doesn't lessen my hatred for it whatsoever, though.

[SM]

Hating someone for unwitting rudeness seems like an enormous waste of energy.

Mind you hating anything is waste of energy.

[maledoro]

Hating someone is a bit like letting them live inside your head rent free.

[Cvalda]

Hating someone for unwitting rudeness seems like an enormous waste of energy.

It's not hating someone, it's hating something.

Mind you hating anything is waste of energy.

Hating someone is a bit like letting them live inside your head rent free.

Oh lord, are you two in the wrong thread.

[chupacabras acheronsis]

Mind you hating anything is waste of energy.

'Cept videogames.

[SM]

I could make some exceptions I guess...

[Rick Grimes]

I'm talking about guys who don't even know you, or have any desire to, just walking by and saying "Hey, you should smile more!"

Well maybe they say that because either you or someone else 'looks' depressed or sad. I tell some of my friends to "turn that frown upside down" or "hey, cheer up and smile" to both men and women because we (women included) say that to cheer a person up and make them happy. If it makes you feel uncomfortable to have a stranger say that to you, then that's fine, that's who you are and how you perceive men of treating women. And about this whole "men dominating women" crap, how is that dominating? It may be in some cases but their are a lot of powerful women in the world.

What? I suppose not wanting to be treated like a child is prudish. Nor have I even commented on what you're like as a person, so why drag that into this?  And I'm not "fighting for feminist rights" (those bitches!), I'm complaining about something I hate on a personal level in the thread for where you do such a thing.

Didn't say it was Ignore that I said that, I only thought of those things since you keep bringing up 'dominance in men over women' and 'men looking at women as pieces of meat' seemed a bit like feminism  to me.

I said it's rude or patronizing in a work environment or general setting where I don't even know you

That's acceptable in terms of why you hate being called that. Generally I thought wrong (my bad, I'm sorry) and thought you said that you hate being called "honey" or "sweetie" by anyone including hypothetical 'boyfriend/husband' family members, and/or friends. If it's one of your pet-peeves then let it be a pet-peeve of yours. I'm not trying to convince you likewise just stating my opinion on how depending on the 'situation' being called "honey" or "sweetie" counts as sexual abuse or 'male dominance'. Speaking of which, you know who wears the pants in the house at my home? My step-mom, yep that's right, she has the higher power upper hand in the marriage then my dad (her husband) does in the house. Funny huh? lol!

[Cvalda]

Well maybe they say that because either you or someone else 'looks' depressed or sad.

That's not why they do it. You don't even have to look "depressed or sad"--you can just be watching where you walk as you cross the street. They don't care how you feel, they just care how you look in the 2.5 seconds they spend walking past you.

And about this whole "men dominating women" crap, how is that dominating?

Addressing a woman you don't know, or are not in a relationship with, in a way that equates her with a child is immediately ceding authority to yourself. It's a matter of power dynamics between people, and how language is used to establish who in the conversation is the "superior."

It may be in some cases but their are a lot of powerful women in the world.

Yeah, right.

Ignore that I said that, I only thought of those things since you keep bringing up 'dominance in men over women' and 'men looking at women as pieces of meat' seemed a bit like feminism  to me.

And we wouldn't want that, now would we?

[Rick Grimes]

That's not why they do it. You don't even have to look "depressed or sad"--you can just be watching where you walk as you cross the street. They don't care how you feel, they just care how you look in the 2.5 seconds they spend walking past you.

Ignore them, you don't have to listen to their demands. Just because they want to see someone like you smile as they walk past you doesn't mean you do what they say. Let yourself smile naturally when someone who pleases your eye walks past you on the sidewalk.

in a way that equates her with a child is immediately ceding authority to yourself. It's a matter of power dynamics between people, and how language is used to establish who in the conversation is the "superior."

Understandable. I see that happen all the time with my grandparents. He treats her like she is a dog and has less power then him. I don't like because let's face it, this ain't the 30's anymore women need to be treated with more respect.

[Cvalda]

Helpful hint for the fellas who want to know what "treating women with respect" should actually mean: don't treat them how you expect they should be treated as women--treat them how you think they should be treated as people. Treat everyone equally, the same way you'd like to be treated yourself, regardless of gender, and you can't go wrong--because that's the way it should be. If only we lived in such a world, because we never will.