Thanks for sharing! I liked that
I generally refrain from criticizing people's fanfic unless they explicitly invite it, so I only have two comments:
- It's traditional in Alien stories that everyone to gets referred to by surname. Not vital of course, and it doesn't affect the story one jot, it's just a trope that's grown up with the franchise. (General exceptions are children and androids.)
- If you want to improve the layout you can try submitting it to ChatGPT. Tell it to convert it to screenplay format. But it will definitely screw up unless you manually go through it first and before each scene type in a scene heading e.g.
INT. CAPTAIN'S CABIN - NIGHT
or
EXT. PATH TO CAVE - DAY
The results will still need tweaking but it will at least give you a head start.
Hope that helps.
TC