ALIEN : SANCTUARY

[LastSonofKrypton]

I've been working on a fan fiction script for the last few months.

ALIEN : SANCTUARY

SYNOPSIS

USCMC Corporal Jack Fieldstrom was part of what was meant to be a routine search and rescue mission after Weyland Yutani lost contact with a research installation on a jungle moon. Upon arrival, he and his squad of marines were attacked by an aggressive lifeform (the xenomorph) Fieldstrom, along with two others, his sergeant, and a science officer were the only survivors, the corporal losing a hand during the escape.
Two years later and Fieldstrom has been demoted from active duty, serving as an operator in military loading docks. He was forced to sign an NDA and ordered to attend weekly psyche evaluations due to being diagnosed with PTSD. He is a drunk and a chem addict, and in and out of trouble with law enforcement due to several drunken brawls within the span of several months, haunted by what he witnessed, as well as survivors guilt, and on the brink of being shipped off to a penal colony.

He is instead offered a place at The Sanctuary, a private off world colony tailored for those who have suffered major trauma/tragedy, and even out forward to become part of the colony's private security team.

Upon arrival, Fieldstrom finds a serene, idyllic colony built into a scenic mountain range. There is no access to alcohol, or narcotics, there is regular psychological treatment and a seemingly warm, and friendly community who offer support to him.

Fieldstrom begins to wonder if he can truly find peace and a sense of purpose for the first time in several years.

The colony has a religious sect, who gather under a nearby mountain to celebrate the 'ascendance', headed by a familiar face from his past.

But soon, colony members begin to go missing, and at first it is blamed on the local jungle wildlife.

As a member of the security team, Fieldstom takes it upon himself to investigate, but the deeper he delves, he begins to uncover the awful truth.

The colony is a front for a biotech firm who specifically deal in the production of xenomorph eggs.

A xenomorph is present on the colony, and after a series of unfortunate events, it escapes and begins to hunt the colonists down one at a time.

Fieldstrom must conquer his own inner fears, and face his past in order to stop the creature, and put an end to the biotechs plans once and for all.

The idea is a little rough round the edges, but I want to begin writing it in January 2024, so any critiques, suggestions or any other input would be greatly appreciated.

I want to strip it down to the bare bones of horror, particularly body horror,as well as psychological horror.

I already have several horrific scenes in mind, especially as I am toying with the idea that the alien chooses its subject for eggmorphing and disposes of those it deems unfit

[Neila]

That sounds very interesting and could be an exciting story if you think about it cleverly. It is important to make the main actor likeable in advance, you have to be able to empathize with him and understand his fears and trauma.
The problem with most of these stories is actually that many similar stories already exist in comics and novels and often result in an homage to James Cameron's Aliens. I love the film too, of course, but
The procedures and schemes have often been the same since then.
That's why I think your approach is pretty good, because the way you write you want to avoid the tired action route and focus on horror. The action can still occur if you don't overdo it.
Of course I can only give my opinion and I don't have the magic formula for good stories in my head, but I hope you have fun writing and that many fans will read your story.
Personally, I prefer stories in which only 1 xeno appears because this automatically puts the focus on horror. you could also say that the main part of the story deals with 1 xeno and he acts quite cleverly. If there were to be a later spread with a queen and a nest, one could explain the changed behavior of the warriors if they tend to attack everything blindly.
It is a well-known assumption that this will be the case when the xenos are in the majority and the queen then takes over the clever part while the warriors are used like cannon fodder to overrun the enemy. That would at least be a slightly more satisfactory thesis than portraying the alien as generally stupid, as Steve Perry did in his shitty AvP novel and also mentioned in the making of AvP-R.
What do you think about that ?

[solace97]

I'd like to see your horror ideas! Its a great storyline, I like the main character already. Im curious if the alien escaped or was purposefully released for the bio firm to track and assess how long it would take to wipe out a colony or for an outbreak to occur.

[LastSonofKrypton]

Thanks for the feedback

I intend to have only one xenomorph. The xenomorph is a result of the protagonists sergeant, who was facehugged during the failed mission that took place two years before the story begins. The sergeant survived having it removed, but at a great physical and mental cost. He has visibly aged by twenty years, and his lungs have been severely compromised.

The only major action takes place during that mission, and it will be shown sparsely through flashbacks and nightmares.
It takes place on a jungle moon, the nest is located in the jungle. The squad are quickly overrun by the aliens as they delve into the nest, showing men and women coccooned in the trees, along with local wildlife. You will barely see the aliens during the attack as I want to emphasise their speed and stealth, specifically the use of their tails as weapons.

The main character drags his sergeant back to the drop ship as his squad are torn to pieces around him, and as the ship is taking off, an alien appears in the doorway. The protagonist guns it down, but not before its tail takes off his hand at the wrist, and he blacks out soon after.

He is discharged from active duty, and can only find work on loading docks. He has lost his purpose in the world as the marines were his life, and he is slowly spiralling into depression, drinking and taking drugs to cope with the trauma.

The colony offers him a fresh start, so I want to show him evolving as there is no access to alcohol or drugs, and he goes through serious withdrawals, and has to face up to his trauma with a sober mind.

The discovery that the colony is a lie, and that an alien is present becomes his challenge, not only to do what is right and destroy it, but to face up to his literal demon when nobody else can

[solace97]

Very cool, do you have a draft I could read through. I like the direction with the alien. Also, the jungle moon is a cool concept you could really paint an imaginative scenery with that. It's nice that you already established the battle too. I feel like many fan fics try to recreate the mystery of the alien, so it's good to assume the audience already knows its life cycle. Might as well toss them right into some action with horror elements

[LastSonofKrypton]

I'm starting a rough first draft tomorrow.

[TC]

How does the religious cult tie-in to anything else? Or is that a spoiler?

Some plot ideas maybe a bit familiar, but success will hinge on the ways you put your own spin on them. (e.g. Protagonist with PTSD working the loading docks, getting into bar-room brawls, sounds very Ripley-esque and Jake Sully in the set-ups to Aliens/Avatar, respectively.)

Some Colonial Marines action at the start could be exciting. Maybe consider finishing the story with a return to some climactic physical action?

But sounds promising. Looking forward to reading it.

TC

[LastSonofKrypton]

How does the religious cult tie-in to anything else? Or is that a spoiler?

Some plot ideas maybe a bit familiar, but success will hinge on the ways you put your own spin on them. (e.g. Protagonist with PTSD working the loading docks, getting into bar-room brawls, sounds very Ripley-esque and Jake Sully in the set-ups to Aliens/Avatar, respectively.)

Some Colonial Marines action at the start could be exciting. Maybe consider finishing the story with a return to some climactic physical action?

But sounds promising. Looking forward to reading it.

TC

Spoiler

The religious sect worship a rebirth deity, not neccessarily from a child birth perspective, but given that the colony population is made up of people who have suffered great tragedy/trauma, it could be a spiritual rebirth

The twist is that the religious sect is used to choose for the egg morphing process. The twist is that, his former sergeant is the head of the sect, and the xenomorph present at the colony is the same embryo that was removed from his chest after the failed mission

I'm playing with a strange father/child mentality, as the sergeant has had what can be politely described as a full on break from reality

The sergeant paid a high price for his survival. He has physically aged around twenty years, his lungs and heart suffer greatly.

Once a month, two people are chosen from the sect for their 'rebirth/ascendance' and led into catacombs within a nearby mountail. The alien is released from its holding, and chooses one of them to be used as an egg, whilst the other is brutally dspatched.

Between the way the alien kills its victims, and the process of egg morphing, i really want to play around with body horror

As for the ending, I am trying to keep the action to a level that suits the slow burn of the story. It is supposed to represent a final battle between the protagonist and his demons both literal and figurative. Facing up to his fears, and facing off against a literal 'demon'

I also want to show rage in the xenomorph, it is cut off from any hive, and has been held captive for a long time. Each time it creates an egg, the egg is taken. i want to demonstrate both its rage, but also its intelligence

I'm also toying with the idea that the xeno has some kind of deformity, due to it being removed from its host early

I wrote a scene where the alien is choosing between two victims, and slowly kills one of them by crushing their skull with its claw but it is drawn out, slow, as the other victim is forced to watch

[close]

[TC]

Spoiler

i wonder if there would be greater benefit by having Fieldstom be the one who survives the chestburster extraction surgery. That way he would suffer from something a bit different than regular PTSD; rather, he would suffer the mental after effects of previously sharing his body with another mind i.e. the xeno mind. Perhaps he hears the xeno 'thoughts' in his head and needs drugs to silence it. Maybe the xeno-thoughts provide him with just the right kind of special ability he needs to defeat the rampaging alien at the end.

[close]

Just throwing some ideas out there.

TC

[LastSonofKrypton]

Spoiler

i wonder if there would be greater benefit by having Fieldstom be the one who survives the chestburster extraction surgery. That way he would suffer from something a bit different than regular PTSD; rather, he would suffer the mental after effects of previously sharing his body with another mind i.e. the xeno mind. Perhaps he hears the xeno 'thoughts' in his head and needs drugs to silence it. Maybe the xeno-thoughts provide him with just the right kind of special ability he needs to defeat the rampaging alien at the end.

[close]

Just throwing some ideas out there.

TC

I considered this concept initially, but I couldn't quite figure out how to make it work

Spoiler

Half the battle is when he discovers that there is an alien present on the colony

[close]

The initial failed mission when the main character first came into contact with the xenomorphs takes place on a jungle moon. There is a nest in the jungle within a few miles of the research station.

This was inspired by the podcast itself. I remember an episode where somebody mentioned always wanting to see a jungle nest. For the life of me I can't remember who said it. Should Hicks, or Xenomorphine or any of the guys who have guested on the podcast read this, can anyone remember who said it, and if so, what kind of features of a jungle nest would you guys like to see?