“You Are One Ugly Motherfu…” – My Wishlist for the Next Alien vs. Predator Film

Respect the Creatures

Understandably it would be impossible for a crossover film to be able to please both fanbases as a clear victor on either side as the other would undoubtedly take to the internet to vent their rage. So I accept that the humans will inevitably come up victorious in some fashion or another.

What I won’t accept is poor treatment of either creature. I’m looking specifically at Aliens vs Predator – Requiem for this. In an effort to make the solitary Predator character seem more empowered and badass, he is seen dispatching a multitude of Aliens, reducing their effectiveness and demeaning their portrayal to do it.

I’m not sure about everyone else but I sure didn’t think it was badass when Wolf was holding two Aliens by their necks, seemingly unable to do anything against the solitary Predator. They must have missed tail class during their Alien combat training.

What I would love a future Aliens vs. Predator film to do is balance their portrayal of the creatures, to respect them and their earlier portrayals in the films. To do this both species need to be deadly, to each other and the human characters. Every single encounter needs to make an impact, every single conflict needs to leave one of the creatures (or human characters) wounded or dead.

The best way to do this, I feel, is restrict the number of creatures on both sides. I’ve had enough with hordes of Aliens being easily dispatched (why must people continually misinterpret Aliens like that?). Understandably the Predator (and human characters) are capable of taking out the Aliens at range, so make the Aliens focus more on their stealth. That way they can get into close quarters where their very body chemistry is advantageous to combat.

The Predator should be hesitant to fight at close quarters like that, aware of the damage the acid blood can do. Let’s show off their combat mastery and tactics and see how intelligent they truly are. Let’s make the fights brutal and raw, not like something from a wrestling program.

Be Brutal! (But Sensibly)

Alongside the time setting of Paul Anderson’s Alien vs. Predator it also had another major fault – the PG-13 rating. Whilst it ultimately received the same rating over here in the United Kingdom that Alien had when the Director’s Cut was released in the cinemas, the desire to get it to PG-13 in the States left the brutality of the film somewhat lacking.

Leading up to the release of the film, I wasn’t too bothered as that rating applied more to the degree of human violence we would see. I kept telling myself ” it’s okay, there’ll still be plenty of creature violence and gore”. I was wrong. I was so wrong.

Alien vs. Predator was a watered down effort with very little brutality or gore. That’s not to say that gore and brutality are essential components to quality. It’s just that both Alien and Predator are adult franchises with blood thirsty extraterrestrials as their titicular creatures.

Alien had people feinting in the aisles! It certainly didn’t pull any punches when it came to gore or violence. But it had substance to accompany the visual violence. This was a lesson half learnt with the Strause Brother’s sequel.

As part of it’s “going back to the roots” – may that phrase be forever condemned – Aliens vs. Predator – Requiem was heavily marketed for its R rating. The Requiem subtitle has absolutely no bearing on the film, they just wanted a word starting with R so that AvPR could be used.

And, of course, the movie had no substance to back up its gore. Instead we had the wonderful pregnant belly-bursters, intended only as a shock moment that had absolutely no narrative reason and served only to further muddy up that film and fail at any attempts to shock the audience.

It’s vitally important to me – and I’m sure many of us – that the next Aliens vs Predator film ensure it keeps its adult nature and doesn’t shy away from the violence. However, it’s as important that the film doesn’t do it just because. It needs to serve a purpose and be in service of the story.

Calm Down With the Homages!

Specifically the reuse of dialogue. This isn’t a problem specific to the Alien or Predator films, but something of a pandemic within all sequels at the minute. It will continue to annoy me every time single time.

The re-use of dialogue often feels forced into place, all in an effort to invoke some sense of nostalgia towards the original films. However, this very sense of nostalgia that the film-makers try so desperately to create also serves to kill those homages because let’s face it – their delivery will never be as good as the original actor/ess. I know that’s somewhat of a generalization but I think it stands.

A specific moment in Paul Anderson’s Alien vs. Predator that will always make me groan in dispair is towards the end of the film when Scar and Lex are about to escape the ice grotto. The pair are attacked by Aliens and Lex takes the time to say “You are one ugly mother…” and then the piton gun discharges to conveniently cover the “fucker” for the censors.

It might be a bit of a bad example for me to choose as it is said in Predator, Predator 2 and Predators. However, in all those films it is about the timing. In Predator it serves for comical purposes and is timed as such, taking place at a point where the Predator is specifically taking the time to toy with Arnie’s characters.

In Predator 2 it is a surprise where Detective Harrigan had the time to make the remark before the Predator woke up. And in Predators it was said in Russian – I don’t mind it when it is subtle like that but that homage suffered the same issue I have with the inclusion in Alien vs. Predator, the forced delay in the timing to allow for the delivery of the line. In “reality” the Alien and the Predator shouldn’t have allowed either character the time in which to sprout the needless homage.

And then there’s things like Wolf stripping off his equipment to fight Chet during the climax of AvP – Requiem. Now there’s nothing inherently wrong with that – it’s the fact that Chet just stands around waiting for Wolf to finish to necessitate the tribute to the original Predator.

None of the Alien films felt the need to endlessly self reference and until Predators (like I said, that particular example was a bad one as it is one of the few in Predator 2). It is, I think, the mark of a film that doesn’t believe it can stand on its own merits and it reeks of lazy writing.

In order for a film to truly stand apart, it needs to take what came before it and build on it, to expand upon it, not look back at it for aspects to repeat to tick the green boxes that they think the fans so desperately want.

This applies to the story as well. I think an original story would serve better as well. I wouldn’t want to see them basing the narrative too heavily on the comics. Paul Anderson has done that already. Let’s see something original, something world building.

Maybe introduce another species that the Predator hunts which also allows the Aliens to expand and maybe introduce another hybrid creature. Expand, build outwards! Stop looking back.

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The above article was a list of my major grievances with the previous Alien vs. Predator films and what I’d like to see improved upon in any potential sequels. I’ve not addressed the obvious points but for the sake of clarity, I would also like to state the usual in that I’d also want to see a good crew & cast attached to the film. All these points are moot if there isn’t something talented involved in making the film. Do you agree? Disagree? Feel free to comment and let us know.