Everything you need to know:
1. The opening 20th century Fox logo is a rip off of Alien 3. The way the music fades out is almost the exact same way Alien 3 did it. Get used to this, you're going to notice a lot of these forced references.
2. The opening credits start and we see the credits are spelled out in a cheap, cliche' metal font and we hear the sound of motion trackers. Why? There are none in this movie, why are we hearing motion trackers? This movie hasn't even started and I'm already annoyed.
3. We see scar lying dead on his alter from the first AVP, except now everything is different. The interior of the ship is different and the ship is clearly heading in a completely different direction than it was at the end of the first movie. Continuity? What’s that?
4. The Predators have facehuggers onboard their ship and not only that, we see a predator skinning a dead alien’s head. Soooo...What was the point of the pyramid if you could just breed and hunt aliens onboard your own ship? In the first AVP, they made it seem like the Pyramid was their only means of doing their hunting ritual, that's why they returned every 100 years. But no, they could have done it anywhere and anytime. *beep* stupid.
5. The Predalien proves that he's an effective killing machine: he wastes no time killing two predators, just like any alien would. REMEMBER THAT!
6. The third predator on the ship opens fire on the predalien and like a complete moron continues to open fire thus causing the ship to crash. Are Predators really this stupid? No, it's just an excuse to get this story centered in Dawson's Creek....I mean Gunnison.
7. How long does it take for a predator ship to leave earth? We see the Predalien being born, we see him grow, we see that a predator has had enough time to breed, fight and kill an alien. So why is it that when the ship gets damaged they are still in earth's orbit? that thing should have been half way to Saturn by the time the first predator died. We're not even 5 minutes into this thing and the film already has the biggest plot holes in the series.
8. Why is it that when this huge, loud, crashing ship lands outside of Gunnison, no one sees it except for some father and son hunting team in the woods?
9. The surviving Predator is badly injured and lying on the floor, he's so hurt that he can't even get up and he notices the facehuggers are escaping. So instead of, you know, just blowing himself up like any predator would have done. He sends a distress signal instead. Why didn't he just blow himself up and save Wolf all the trouble? I’ve seen Predators blow themselves up for less.
10. The biggest and most glaring problem with this movie is WOLF. The fact that the Strause brothers thought it was a good idea to send one predator instead of a team shows how much they don't understand the alien series, the importance of tension, or the expectations of the common movie goer. In the alien series and even the first AVP movie, they made it absolutely clear that the aliens can never reach earth or they would spread and take over the world. "They mustn't reach the surface! They mustn't reach the surface!" At least Paul W.S Anderson understood the importance of keeping the aliens from reaching civilized land. This is everything Ripley feared and died to prevent and how do the Strause brothers treat the situation? Oh they just send a glorified predator janitor to clean up the mess. As if that’s all the aliens are to the predators: a minor nuisance that can be taken care of by just one of them. The strause brothers just went up to Ridley Scott,James Cameron, David Fincher, Jean-Pierre Jeunet and Paul W.S Anderson and said; "Hey guys, you know that creature you all spent so much time trying to make scary and menacing? Well we're about to *beep* all over your efforts." If there is only one predator then there is no tension in the fights, we know he has to live until the end or else the movie couldn’t justify its title. Of course, as we all know, the Strause brothers’ justification for sending one predator is that Wolf is an ubber-dooper-super –dooper-mega-awesome-most-experienced-predator that ever lived…..ever. Too bad everything wolf does proves otherwise.
11. So after that *beep* is over, We get to meet our human characters. All 7 of them…in a movie that’s only an hour and half.
We got an ex-con trying to reconnect with his younger brother.
-A Mother back from overseas trying to reconnect with her daughter.
-The jail bird’s younger brother trying to get the attention of some hot chick.
-A mother looking for her husband and son.
-A sheriff trying to figure out why people are disappearing.
All of these subplots and characters are given little to no development because of the short running time and the fact that we have to cut away from all of these stories to see Wolf hunt aliens. They should have just stuck to one human story and developed it. Not juggle 5 at once.
12. The predalien and the facehuggers have managed to birth a few aliens and they look absolutely pathetic. What happened to the 8-foot-tall Giger beast that towered over everyone? Now a homeless woman is looking down on one like a dog. Wolf arrives on earth and crashes into a lake. He rises from the water just like the predator in the first movie. What a rip off.
13. It’s at this point you realize something about the night time scenes in this movie. THEY ARE WAAAAYYY too Dark. Yeah, I know it’s been said a million times but there is no excuse for this in a major motion picture.
14. Wolf runs through the woods and finds the crashed ship….I think, I can barely see anything.
15. He loads up his weapons….AFTER he lands on earth and finds his dead friends. Yeah, I’m sure that’s what an expert cleaner would do: land in a potentially hostile environment, enter the crashed ship, search for his friends and THEN arm himself.
16. The Strause Brothers try so hard to make Wolf LOOK like a badass but never give him any badass things to do. It’s like I can hear the strause brothers saying “you know how most predators only have one symbol on their masks? Well Wolf has like…50…yeah, and he sits in this huge throne, like a king and he’s got like….two shoulder cannons. See how cool he is?” Wolf is the worst predator ever conceived just for the fact that he was made to please fan boys and not tell a story. I’ll delve into that later.
17. Wolf blows up the ship and sets out on his mission….and nobody heard or saw this massive explosion just outside of town? Is everyone in Gunnison blind and deaf?
18. Wolf tracks down the dead bodies of the hunter and his son and uses some blue liquid to dissolve the bodies. So this is how Wolf is going to erase evidence? He’s going to go place to place and just drop this *beep* everywhere? The funny thing Is, I didn’t see any other vile of this stuff in his case. He only brought one vile? I guess, you don’t ever see any others.
19. Wolf notices a cop spying on him and kills him. Why? He erased all the evidence of the aliens and dead bodies, so why would he care to kill this harmless cop? He didn’t threaten him, he didn’t do anything. Was it because he didn’t want the humans to be alerted to his presence? No, that can’t be it because later he skins the cop and hangs him up for the world to see.
20. Wolf finally tracks down the aliens in a sewer and it’s here where we finally get to see Wolf’s skill as a hunter. He walks cautiously through the sewer and….doesn’t notice the alien casually hanging to his left. With his Alien vision, that thing should have been as easily spotted as headlights on a dark road. But that’s ok because he keeps on going and…walks past another alien without noticing. Boy, Wolf really is aware of his surroundings…just like a true elite, right?...Right?
21. Why didn’t those two aliens kill him? Oh right, because we can’t have our one and only predator dying before the climax.
22. Wolf sets up some grid like laser nets and then screams out to the aliens to come and get him. Yeah, they’ll only attack when Wolf is good and ready for a fight…good thing the aliens are such good sports.
23. He fights the aliens and it’s painful to watch. ( If you can see anything at all that is) He tosses the aliens around like rag dolls and holds two of them up by their throats like they were nothing. Are these the 8-foot-tall perfect organisms from the original alien series? Are these the ultimate Prey from the first AVP movie? No, they’re 4 foot tall pussies who can’t even get out of the grip of the predator’s hand. And before you bring up the whole “experienced elder” get out of jail card: Keep in mind that grabbing someone by the throat takes no skill or experience at all. I can grab a cat by the neck and he’d scratch the living hell out of my arm. What do these aliens do? Nothing, they don’t scratch him with their claws, they don’t stab him with their tails or spit acid in his face or just you know, simply over power him.
24. And since Wolf Is such an expert at killing aliens, he’s going to do the most logical execution move on these aliens…He’s going to shoot them at pointblank range. Yeah, because that’s what you want to do to a creature with acid for blood.
25. The predalien shows up and smacks wolf with his tail. Why didn’t he just kill him like he did with all the other predators at the beginning of the movie? Oh right, we can’t have our only Predator die too early.
26. The aliens leave the sewers and wolf follows them and because he doesn’t want to draw attention to himself, he uses his Nintendo power glove to blow a giant hole in the middle of the street and rises out of the hole uncloaked. He’s quite the expert isn’t he?
27. While Wolf follows a single alien to a power plant. The predalien and his crew invade a restaurant and impregnate a waitress with like 5 or 6 new aliens: more than making up for the two wolf killed in the sewer. So far, Wolf hasn’t made a stitch of progress in his mission to wipe out the aliens.
28. By the way, you’re probably wondering why I’m not mentioning any of the human characters. Well like I said, they’re so
underdeveloped they aren’t worth mentioning.
29. Wolf tracks an alien to a power plant and you won’t believe this: an Alien actually gets the better of him. He surprise attacks him and shoves him over a railing and impales him on a metal pipe. Yeah, gravity and a conveniently placed pipe did the real damage, god forbid we actually let the aliens get some real hits off Wolf. So after inflicting damage on wolf, what does the alien do? Nothing, he just goes for a casual stroll somewhere. Isn't he going to finish the job? Did he get bored or something? I also love how he slowly walks away even with wolf shooting at him. Thank god a bunch of metal was blocking his shots otherwise that alien would have died.
30. After Wolf causes a blackout, the aliens begin taking over the town. There’s an alien at a school who just killed some kid. Wolf shows up and kills him. Why did wolf come here? How did he know there was an alien in this school? Why this alien? Doesn’t he know the Predalien is his primary target? While he’s wasting his time killing all these aliens one by one, the predalien is giving birth to like 50 more.
31. Wolf hides in a tree to heal his wound from the power plant. You’ll notice a huge trail of green blood going up the tree, he’s bleeding like crazy and yet he chooses NOW to heal his wound. Not before he made his pointless trip from the power plant to the school…nope, now is the time. Damn Wolf really knows what he’s doing, huh?
32. Wolf’s healing scene is retarded. He got pierced with a thick pipe, he’s bleeding like crazy and how does he heal himself? He sticks a small metal staple in his wound, that’s it. He doesn’t stitch himself up like the predator from the first movie or burn the wound like the one from predator 2 did. He just sticks a small…thing in his wound and is good to go. Never mind the fact that he should still be bleeding from both the front AND the back.
33. So after that, he looks to his side and sees….traffic. He then rises into a badass pose as if he’s going to do something about it. What the *beep* is he going to do? Direct traffic? What was the motivation for that scene?
34. Wolf finds some humans in a department store. He uses them as bait to lure some aliens. Even though the aliens were already breaking into the store to begin with.
35. Once again, the aliens embarrass themselves by trying to attack wolf. He shrugs them off like nothing as expected. No tension, no suspense, no fun.
36. Later we see the dead aliens lying on the floor. Apparently wolf doesn’t give a *beep* about erasing evidence anymore.
37. Wolf throws away his broken shoulder cannon and leaves it on the roof. Apparently, he also doesn’t care about leaving his tech around either. He also left his laser grids in the sewers. Something Humans would have easily found after he left a giant hole in the middle of the street.
38. Wolf notices that the aliens have taken over a hospital….and pretty much the whole town. Wolf has failed at his mission. So what exactly was the point of sending one Predator to stop an alien outbreak? I thought wolf was supposed to be god among predators: the best of the best; the ultimate elite badass? I guess not, he’s just an incompetent moron whose only purpose is to make predator fanboys wet themselves.
39. Wolf goes to the hospital and like a true predator, he quietly sneaks in through a window….nah, I’m kidding, he breaks through the front door and makes as much noise as possible.
40. Wolf walks through the hospital and once again the Predalien gets the drop on him and instead of killing him, smacks him with his tail…again.
41. the Predalien is a pussy who backs off from a little scratch from Wolf’s wrist blades and would rather let one of his worthless drones attack Wolf. Something he knew was pointless because he had to save two of them earlier in the movie.
42. Wolf stabs the alien and doesn't get any acid blood on him. He then shoots it at pointblank range and STILL doesn't get any acid blood on him. The Aliens once again prove to be weak, stupid, and worthless. Except for that one part where they took out an entire military unit in under a minute. Yeah OK, they can work together to take out an entire military unit but not a single predator? A stupid Predator who just walks around announcing his presence to the world?
43. Wolf kills some guy’s girlfriend. And the guy unloads a machine gun at him and not one bullet makes contact with his skin. His armor only covers 30% of his body and not a single bullet or drop of acid blood touches his skin. GOD THIS MOVIE SUCKS!
44. Wolf finally goes one on one with the predalien but not before giving one final insult to one of cinema’s greatest monsters. He slices an alien in half and as if to add insult to injury he walks over and crushes his head like a beer can.
45. Wolf fights the predalien and stabs it with his spear and the predalien responds by punching him in the face. Whatever happened to the pussy who backed off from Wolf’s wrist blades? Oh, now the predalien has some balls. Too bad he doesn’t have any brains since he once again just smacks him with his tail instead of just killing him…for the third time.
46. Wolf takes off all of his gear and the predalien just stands there and lets him do it. Aliens love a fair fight now?
47. During their fight the predalien manages to stab Wolf in the shoulder with his inner jaw. Why didn't he just stab him through his head like he did with...ahhh you get it by now.
48. The predalien manages to beat the crap out of wolf and instead of finally letting the aliens have a victory over him: wolf rips out the predalien’s tongue and stabs him in the head, the predalien then stabs him with his tail. It’s a draw. It has to be a draw, otherwise it wouldn't be fair to the predator fans.
49. The government decides to nuke the town just because one military unit was defeated. They have no information about the aliens that would justify them nuking a town. and to top it off: the government just did Wolf's job for him. So what purpose did Wolf have in this movie? They could have done this whole movie without him and nothing would change.
50. At least Paul W.S Anderson knew how to balance out the creatures so both of them had their moment in the spotlight.
51. at least Paul W.S Anderson Knew you can't have the aliens running around Any-town USA because that means the world would end.
52. Making the Aliens this weak is not only an insult to the aliens but the predators as well. Why would the Predators, a race of hunters who live for the challenge and thrill of the hunt, waste their time with a bunch of pathetic little insects? What bragging right would they have for hanging an alien skull on their wall? They might as well mount the skulls of kittens while their at it.
53. Aliens can all of a sudden barf embryos into people? I know the strause brothers said it was because the pred-alien was a queen or some stupid *beep* like that but I shouldn't have to look up the answer online. The movie should tell me why and it didn't.
So there you go, the whole movie is a perfectly woven tapestry of shit.