I took the time and read all the chapters. Here is my review of each episode. Please beware SPOILER ALERT! Also exuse my exaggerative enthusiasm for some scene, probably caused by long absence of any good book in my hands for a very, very long time. I tried to stay objective but overall i couldn't help myself in some places. I Know its not proper constructive criticism but i did my best. So take with a pinch of salt.
PrologueI really enjoyed description of atmosphere and aliens. Feel of hopeless run for comm. tower surrounded by hungry shadows all around was intensive and thrilling as any alien story should be with appropriate ending. I was expecting more thoughtful moves from aliens wounding characters bit by bit with unexpected actions but fatal ending will do too.
Chapter 1Its funny, as i have similar thingy floating above earth orbit as your gatekeeper in my project lore. It has a bit different purpose but still i often found myself reading your FF but dreaming and imagining every scene inside my version of "gatekeeper". As i progressed reading this start to happen way too often.
Captain related joke is hilarious same as whole cigarette play. I was expecting a bit more drama from captain weird behavior and ignoration of protocols on such controlled environment as control station.
Small issue i noticed from this point there is no word regarding how is ship towing ship(how it looks at least) and how can such big and WIDE ship be hidden "in shadow" of towing-ship Sulaco which is pretty slim. Does it use some kind of beam? If not, how can you affect gained momentum of another ship?(like stopping whole ship)
Lance Corporal enforced morale is described excellently and i loved every second of his presence in scene. I wasn't personally in military however it fit perfectly and even beyond what i would expect.
Base scenery was majestic.
I am a bit confused what was the marine-introduction-shooting about. Doesn't seems like regular procedure and felt a lot... off. Was it just a joke from marines by themself to make a brutal impression? If yes it was planned as they entered room from 2 sides which mean they had to have it planned ahead, right? One way or another, shooting deep inside HQ feel really silly.
father Ben - scar on face and long absence instantly *blimped* in my head memory of peter wayland trip in prometheus and his encounter with joker/engineer which slapped him. Also "send for my Andrew" ...is andrew version of your David?
(coincidence or inspiration?
)
Chapter 3Exercise was nice. I have to say i predicted "watts and drakes" good heart regarding injured recruit. From this episode i feel that repears are cruel, violent but care for their buddies too. Which is expected however feel as a bit fast transition/reveal. I know that just killing everybody till there are 2 guys left is crazy, but for sake of "epic repears" maybe there should be a bit more drama/careless stuff before exposing this fact. Also ending with final fight/storm coming seems forced.
Chapter 4Alien birth? One world... Tasty!
However after this it felt a bit anti-climatic. Alien staid ehm, stuck or resting/relaxing not bursting around, smashing glass walls or anything. Rest of chapter followed Anna and not much happened. Revealing facts and family business took place instead of "most dangerous alien" which was left behind. I hope its not too bold to say that from my point of view, this episode was a bit incoherent regarding scale of its content or priorities. Maybe i just get too excited from first scene and felt unfulfilled with just talking and no alien blood.
Chapter 5Including Ryan wife,kid,divorce was a huge surprise for me as big emotional addon to this sci-fi FF. Cant say if good or bad but it blended nicely and was even moving.
Chapter 6Religious talk while you have most deadly creature gradually destroying the only visual connection you have with its cell? Sounds legit... and hilarious at the same time. Kinda didnt get properly the ending what was alien doing(making new kind of alien? morphing?) but i am too tired and want to finish this review. Probably something which will get him out.
So apart of my poor english, not perfect knowledge of AVP universe and decreasing focus after chapter 2 i have to say you are one hell of a good writer. Despite any criticism above, reading was very pleasing, professional and detailed. Description of environments, people, personality was AAA quality and quantity. It was very immersive experience of top quality. And btw all jokes and even slightly funny moments have been actually funny. I had a great honest lough with all of them which is pretty rare these days and especially for me. I dont know if it was spectaculary smooth presentation of story or some kind of writer trick. Hands down, sir... i didnt expect so great writing for FF.
