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Author Topic: Aliens: Home  (Read 2845 times)

Murfy426
Apr 13, 2015, 09:02:18 PM
Topic on: Apr 13, 2015, 09:02:18 PM
Q
Hey everyone this is my new aliens fan fic. Posted an early idea for a prologue a few weeks ago to get some feedback. Now the story is revamped and the project is rolling have a read and let me know what you guys think. Big shout out to my fiancée for dealing with my resurrected aliens fascination and Everlasting Undead author of the terrific Aliens: Blood, for his massive help and feedback Here is the link enjoy.
[url][https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11183049/1/Aliens-Home/url]



Murfy426
Apr 15, 2015, 08:10:09 PM
Reply #2 on: Apr 15, 2015, 08:10:09 PM
Q
Haha cheers man sorry the Scottish way for fixing a technological mistake or error is usually to smack the device repeatedly shouting "f**king work" lol


Murfy426
May 05, 2015, 12:15:45 PM
Reply #3 on: May 05, 2015, 12:15:45 PM
Q
Hey for whoever is viewing my fanfic through the link on this page. Chapter 2 should be released soon. Apologies for the wait I have been spending a lot of time brainstorming and researchin for it. please leave reviews  guys if you do read it. Let's me know if I've made any mistakes thank you.


Murfy426
Jul 13, 2015, 04:49:50 PM
Reply #4 on: Jul 13, 2015, 04:49:50 PM
Q
Just letting anybody who has read the first chapter of my fan fic that I apologise chapter 2 has not been released yet. I have been extremely busy with personal business and I hope to release it within a week. Also have had a personal cover created for it by my friend and writing mentor Everlasting undead thought id post it to show the fire hasn't gone out on this project.


Murfy426
Jul 29, 2015, 11:30:30 PM
Reply #5 on: Jul 29, 2015, 11:30:30 PM
Q
Update: After much correction and time, chapter 2 for this story numbered into 47 pages on word. It was quite a time-consuming effort without keeping to a good publish schedule and for that I am sorry so will be cutting it into at the most 4 smaller chapters. Once organized it shall be published very soon thank you for anyone who has waited for their patience


Murfy426
Jul 31, 2015, 11:52:47 PM
Reply #6 on: Jul 31, 2015, 11:52:47 PM
Q
Chapters 2,3,4 and 5 including the new cover image are now live on fan fiction.net please bear in mind though that the site sometimes takes a while to upload it. Sorry for the wait and credit to Everlasting Undead for the awesome cover image.


masterzh
Aug 10, 2015, 07:26:06 AM
Reply #7 on: Aug 10, 2015, 07:26:06 AM
Q
I read first 2 chapters and plan to finish rest today. Do you want me to post short review for each chapter here or rather in PM ?


Murfy426
Aug 10, 2015, 08:45:08 AM
Reply #8 on: Aug 10, 2015, 08:45:08 AM
Q
Thank you my friend you can just post them on the topic unless they are gruesome lol :laugh:


masterzh
Aug 12, 2015, 08:41:07 PM
Reply #9 on: Aug 12, 2015, 08:41:07 PM
Q
I took the time and read all the chapters. Here is my review of each episode. Please beware SPOILER ALERT! Also exuse my exaggerative enthusiasm for some scene, probably caused by long absence of any good book in my hands for a very, very long time. I tried to stay objective but overall i couldn't help myself in some places. I Know its not proper constructive criticism but i did my best. So take with a pinch of salt.

Prologue

I really enjoyed description of atmosphere and aliens. Feel of hopeless run for comm. tower surrounded by hungry shadows all around was intensive and thrilling as any alien story should be with appropriate ending. I was expecting more thoughtful moves from aliens wounding characters bit by bit with unexpected actions but fatal ending will do too.

Chapter 1
Its funny, as i have similar thingy floating above earth orbit as your gatekeeper in my project lore. It has a bit different purpose but still i often found myself reading your FF but dreaming and imagining every scene inside my version of "gatekeeper". As i progressed reading this start to happen way too often.

Captain related joke is hilarious same as whole cigarette play. I was expecting a bit more drama from captain weird behavior and ignoration of protocols on such controlled environment as control station.

Small issue i noticed from this point there is no word regarding how is ship towing ship(how it looks at least) and how can such big and WIDE ship be hidden "in shadow" of towing-ship Sulaco which is pretty slim. Does it use some kind of beam? If not, how can you affect gained momentum of another ship?(like stopping whole ship)

Lance Corporal enforced morale is described excellently and i loved every second of his presence in scene. I wasn't personally in military however it fit perfectly and even beyond what i would expect.
Base scenery was majestic.

I am a bit confused what was the marine-introduction-shooting about. Doesn't seems like regular procedure and felt a lot... off. Was it just a joke from marines by themself to make a brutal impression? If yes it was planned as they entered room from 2 sides which mean they had to have it planned ahead, right? One way or another, shooting deep inside HQ feel really silly.

father Ben - scar on face and long absence instantly *blimped* in my head memory of peter wayland trip in prometheus and his encounter with joker/engineer which slapped him. Also "send for my Andrew" ...is andrew version of your David? :D (coincidence or inspiration? :D )

Chapter 3
Exercise was nice. I have to say i predicted "watts and drakes" good heart regarding injured recruit. From this episode i feel that repears are cruel, violent but care for their buddies too. Which is expected however feel as a bit fast transition/reveal. I know that just killing everybody till there are 2 guys left is crazy, but for sake of "epic repears" maybe there should be a bit more drama/careless stuff before exposing this fact. Also ending with final fight/storm coming seems forced.

Chapter 4
Alien birth? One world... Tasty!
However after this it felt a bit anti-climatic. Alien staid ehm, stuck or resting/relaxing not bursting around, smashing glass walls or anything. Rest of chapter followed Anna and not much happened. Revealing facts and family business took place instead of "most dangerous alien" which was left behind. I hope its not too bold to say that from my point of view, this episode was a bit incoherent regarding scale of its content or priorities. Maybe i just get too excited from first scene and felt unfulfilled with just talking and no alien blood.

Chapter 5
Including Ryan wife,kid,divorce was a huge surprise for me as big emotional addon to this sci-fi FF. Cant say if good or bad but it blended nicely and was even moving.

Chapter 6
Religious talk while you have most deadly creature gradually destroying the only visual connection you have with its cell? Sounds legit... and hilarious at the same time. Kinda didnt get properly the ending what was alien doing(making new kind of alien? morphing?) but i am too tired and want to finish this review. Probably something which will get him out.

So apart of my poor english, not perfect knowledge of AVP universe and decreasing focus after chapter 2 i have to say you are one hell of a good writer. Despite any criticism above, reading was very pleasing, professional and detailed. Description of environments, people, personality was AAA quality and quantity. It was very immersive experience of top quality. And btw all jokes and even slightly funny moments have been actually funny. I had a great honest lough with all of them which is pretty rare these days and especially for me. I dont know if it was spectaculary smooth presentation of story or some kind of writer trick. Hands down, sir... i didnt expect so great writing for FF.


Murfy426
Aug 23, 2015, 02:48:33 PM
Reply #10 on: Aug 23, 2015, 02:48:33 PM
Q
Update: Next chapter is drafted and being sent out to test readers so shouldn't be too long in being published. Hope readers are enjoying it so far, on a side note writing the next chapter may be a little longer, going on holiday next week for my birthday so need to do some unravelling. Peace out.


Murfy426
Aug 29, 2015, 02:18:31 PM
Reply #11 on: Aug 29, 2015, 02:18:31 PM
Q
Test readers are done with the chapter, just editing and adding the final pieces. Should be released in the next few days probably Monday night. Have to say I am very excited that after a lifetime of unfinished artwork and creative projects I know in my heart this story will live to see its brutal, bitter end.
 The slow burn of introduction is almost over and the ember of armageddon is beginning to be fanned into a global inferno.
 A quote from terminator two is all I can use to sum the meaning of this story. Something overlooked among so many other great quotes;
 "It's in your nature to destroy yourselves."


Murfy426
Sep 01, 2015, 04:50:04 AM
Reply #12 on: Sep 01, 2015, 04:50:04 AM
Q
Chapter 7 is now posted on fan fiction.net people to whoever reads I I hope you enjoy it. I am now away to go on holiday, get pished and eat some birthday cake. Peace out everyone.


Murfy426
Sep 04, 2015, 09:42:38 AM
Reply #13 on: Sep 04, 2015, 09:42:38 AM
Q
Back from the bday holiday with a recovering liver lol. Basis for next chapter is already laid out just need to write it out. Also if my anonymous reviewer from fan fiction.net reads this page could they please private message me their email I would dearly love to have them as a test reader.


Murfy426
Sep 11, 2015, 08:59:26 AM
Reply #14 on: Sep 11, 2015, 08:59:26 AM
Q
Finally decided to start naming chapters, chapter whatever number seems a bit boring lol. Next one when released will be titled Meet the Monster'


 

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