A battle scene from my script

[Prime113]

This is a Predator vs 8 Somali Pirate battle. Just lookin for any thoughts

Ext. Jungle. Day

Their leader walks ahead of them with a AK-47 strapped to his shoulder.
He hears something. He stops, then his men.
Something is in the bushes. It moves again. Tall and black.
The pirates form a circle trying to get a good look at it.
The leaders AK-47 blazes soon followed by his men.
It doesn't stop. It goes up into the trees.
WHOOM!
A blue plasma ball streaks through the air. Blows the Leader in half.
The now leaderless men panic. Fire in all directions.
It stops. REAPER, an elder Black Super Predator stares at them.
They unleash on it. Nothing. No bullet wounds, no blood, nothing.
They stare at it in awe.
The real Reaper jumps down into the middle of the group. He looks like death probably would.
The Holographic image disappears.
Reapers single writs blade extends from his right hand then followed by another one on his left.
In a split second he stabs two of the men through the chest.
5 left.
They rest panic and run.
Reaper aims his left hand at a pirate.
CRACK! A net flies out. It wraps itself around the target and causes him to fall. It begins to squeeze with incredible force.
4 left.
His Plasma caster comes to life. The Laser extends onto a pirate. It follows.
Reaper aims his right hand at another pirate.
WHOOM! The Plasma caster fires. Blows a huge hole through the targets chest.
We hear what seems like BB gun being fired from Reapers right hands device.
Whatever was shot out only caused a tiny hole in the targets back. Then.....
Beat.
BOOOOOOOOOOOMMMM!!!
The target implodes. Blood, guts, and bones fly in all directions.
2 left. One runs through the Jungle the other falls and begins to beg.
Reaper walks over to him. Right wrist blade extended.
Whack. No more head. 1 left.
The last pirate runs through the Jungle. Blindly firing his AK behind him.
PREDATOR POV: Heat Vision. The targets heart rate rises.
Reaper grips something in his hand. Hurls it at the pirate.
A hole explodes in the pirates head then again on the other side.
He continues to move forward from the force of the object.
It sticks in the tree.
We finally se what it is. Slim, sleek, black spear. Some covered in red.
Clocked Reaper walks up to him.
The Pirate is actually a couple feet off the ground. He threw it that hard.
Reaper takes his spear. We leave him-

[FUZION PREDATOR]

  Wow i really like it super great job 

At least you Super black Pred, knows how to shoot accruatly his Plama caster contrary to Mr Black how has a Stormtrooper accruacy level 
Your badass pred isn't the kind of Pred that get is ass kicked by a HelloKitty director, armed with katana


It would so cool if you had some new toys to the Black Preda Example : exploding smart disk or others.

Still great job 

[Feral_PRED]

This is a Predator vs 8 Somali Pirate battle. Just lookin for any thoughts


Their leader walks ahead of them with a AK-47 strapped to his shoulder.
He hears something. He stops, then his men.
Something is in the bushes. It moves again. Tall and black.
The pirates form a circle trying to get a good look at it.
The leaders AK-47 blazes soon followed by his men.
It doesn't stop. It goes up into the trees.
WHOOM!
A blue plasma ball streaks through the air. Blows the Leader in half.
The now leaderless men panic. Fire in all directions.
It stops. REAPER, an elder Black Super Predator stares at them.
They unleash on it. Nothing. No bullet wounds, no blood, nothing.
They stare at it in awe.
The real Reaper jumps down into the middle of the group. He looks like death probably would.
The Holographic image disappears.
Reapers single writs blade extends from his right hand then followed by another one on his left.
In a split second he stabs two of the men through the chest.
5 left.
They rest panic and run.
Reaper aims his left hand at a pirate.
CRACK! A net flies out. It wraps itself around the target and causes him to fall. It begins to squeeze with incredible force.
4 left.
His Plasma caster comes to life. The Laser extends onto a pirate. It follows.
Reaper aims his right hand at another pirate.
WHOOM! The Plasma caster fires. Blows a huge hole through the targets chest.
We hear what seems like BB gun being fired from Reapers right hands device.
Whatever was shot out only caused a tiny hole in the targets back. Then.....
Beat.
BOOOOOOOOOOOMMMM!!!
The target implodes. Blood, guts, and bones fly in all directions.
2 left. One runs through the Jungle the other falls and begins to beg.
Reaper walks over to him. Right wrist blade extended.
Whack. No more head. 1 left.
The last pirate runs through the Jungle. Blindly firing his AK behind him.
PREDATOR POV: Heat Vision. The targets heart rate rises.
Reaper grips something in his hand. Hurls it at the pirate.
A hole explodes in the pirates head then again on the other side.
He continues to move forward from the force of the object.
It sticks in the tree.
We finally se what it is. Slim, sleek, black spear. Some covered in red.
Clocked Reaper walks up to him.
The Pirate is actually a couple feet off the ground. He threw it that hard.
Reaper takes his spear. We leave him-

This is awesome, I really like the Reaper, he's so cool!!!

-alienhunter14

[FUZION PREDATOR]

^ Yeah badass and effective Preds are geting so rare todays. Human glad to finaly see a competent Pred and not a new p*ssy 

[Prime113]

Thanks, guys. Glad you found it to be a good read.

Stormtroopers accuracy.

Fuzion, you got the little BB bomb thing right?  And I was thinking of giving Reaper a small scythe but I figured that might be a little much.

[Everlasting Undead]

I liked it. My forte's more with Alien fiction, I've not touched on Predators too much, but I liked the action. As I read it, I could flesh it in my mind, and imagine it would work really well as something from a novel, too: You should maybe give that a try?

Something that I didn't follow, though: if someone was hit with an implosion device, I wouldn't have thought that anything would fly OUT - more sucked in on itself? Instead of a shower of gibs and gore, I would imagine they'd invert into a shapeless quivering pile of raw meat... Maybe it's the sadist in me, but I like to imagine that they'd stay alive for as much of this process as possible... nothing like the gurgling death cry of someone choking on their own trachea to make you sit up and hit the reverse button on the DVD player to watch it again...

But I liked it.

[Prime113]

OK I can see where you are coming from.

The thing that Reaper shots into the mans pack is not an implosion device, but an explosion. He basically shot C4 into the man and then it blew up.

Glad you liked to though, man.

[SM]

It's decent, but needs context, other wise it's simply violence for violences sake.

Should we be cheering that these guys are getting slaughtered or should we feel sorry for them because they're so shit-scared?

And avoid lines like this:

He looks like death probably would.

It's neither here nor there.

[Prime113]

Well dude it's just an excerpt.

Did you care for the Jamaicans when City Hunter killed them?   

[SM]

Not especially - though I can barely remember it, and Predator 2 may not be the best example to use.

[Prime113]

Sorry, if that last message sounded like me being a douche. I didn't mean it come come out that way.

I think if I put the whole scene up you would be cheering(I guess you wouldn't be if you were somalian) that they are getting killed.

[SM]

Sorry, if that last message sounded like me being a douche. I didn't mean it come come out that way.

No worries.

I think if I put the whole scene up you would be cheering(I guess you wouldn't be if you were somalian) that they are getting killed.

Then that's what we need.  If they're pricks who get their comeuppance, all well and good - though you don't want to glorify the Predators too much, since they're supposed to be the bad guys.  The other that was missing was a location.  Should've kicked off the scene with EXT. JUNGLE - DAY. 'cos until the mention of a tree, I thought we were on the deck of a boat.

[Prime113]

Oh. LOL. Yeah I will do that, man. Thanks for the heads up.

I'm still not sure though. They are only in the script for like 3 pages including the one you read. So I'm not sure if people will be sad or happy. I'll have to go back and read it again a few times myself to see if I can get more out of it.

And heck I guess I'll spill the beans on what I'm writing. It is a sequel to PredatorS. Takes place about 2 years from when the previous one left off. There is a lot of prey on the planet. 8 Somali pirates, 2 S.A.S, 4 US Black Ops, 3 alien(Not xenomorph) death squad members, and Royce and Isabelle.

[SM]

Doesn't matter if they're only in it a short time - just give the scene some purpose beyond violence.  Have it so the pirates have captured some hostages from a tanker or something and the Predators kill them but leave the hostages - except for one who picks up a gun while trying to escape and is also killed.  These hostages might be able to pop up later to fill in the protagonists about the whole 'they won't kill unarmed prey' or something.

Doesn't have to be that, but you see what I mean about the scene doing something to drive the plot along.

[FUZION PREDATOR]

Oh. LOL. Yeah I will do that, man. Thanks for the heads up.

I'm still not sure though. They are only in the script for like 3 pages including the one you read. So I'm not sure if people will be sad or happy. I'll have to go back and read it again a few times myself to see if I can get more out of it.

And heck I guess I'll spill the beans on what I'm writing. It is a sequel to PredatorS. Takes place about 2 years from when the previous one left off. There is a lot of prey on the planet. 8 Somali pirates, 2 S.A.S, 4 US Black Ops, 3 alien(Not xenomorph) death squad members, and Royce and Isabelle.

Wow that's gonna be hugely badasss  . Keep doing.

EDIT: i remember well each jamaican and colombia killed by City hunter  . I don't personaly need to know the full biography of a caracter or need to fell sorry for him to enjoy Predator's battles . Just a :
-A good and orginal Choreography during battle
- Use of new Predator weapons (original weapons)
- And Predatorish behavior of the Pred. I mean that by his behavior we immediatly reconize that a Predator is in the place

Also : i don't think the sythe would have been to much if his design is correctly Predatorised. But you where right to be cautious with that, and not include it.