An AvP Script I Did

Started by SiL, Aug 20, 2010, 10:47:32 AM

Author
An AvP Script I Did (Read 24,400 times)

SiL

SiL

In May I sat down and started writing an AvP script cos I had the writer's block and needed something to get over it. This seemed as good a way as any.

This was written between Saturday May 22nd and Sunday May 30th, with a revision on June 3rd. Of those eight days only five were spent actually writing, and all the revising was done in an afternoon.

Basically what I wanted to do was pull a script out my ass that was still better than what we got in cinemas. And as much as it reads like something written in 5 days -- Obvious exposition, a dire need of a thesaurus, and, oh. Every single character's name is a reference. Every f**king one. Jesus Christ. -- I still think it kicks those movies' asses in terms of actually doing the creatures some kind of justice.

There's a lot I would change about this, because there's a lot wrong with it, but seeing as it did its job and broke my writer's block, I'm actually spending that time on writing other non-franchise things.

So here it is, if only to put my money where my mouth is:

[It's moved! Check page 7 for a post with it attached! ~ SiL]

(And no, Sean Pertwee is not in it.)

(Also, the very last scene was a place-holder for when I got around to doing draft 2, which will never happen. It's cheesy, it's stupid; I know. God, do I know.)

[I still haven't redrafted it properly, but I got rid of the wank ending... kind'a ~ also SiL]

FUZION PREDATOR

 ;) Really not bad

But i have some question (i'm french so i possibly didn't understand everything i the script)

1 question
Spoiler
Do the Preds were responsible for the arriving of the facehugger on this planet?
[close]

2
Spoiler
Can you confirm that in the first AvP encounter the warrior Pred killed 3 xeno (1 with the spear , the 2nd with the disc and an other with the plsam caster)?

And when after he gets "inner jawed" did he have his helmet?
(i just want to be sure i've understand)
[close]
3
Spoiler
Can you confirm that the Hunter Pred killed 1 xeno with his smart disc and a second one who get wound on his shoulder with the spear? before getting killed after the last epic fight.

Oh and does he had his helmets? (i usually ask you this question given the facte they both get "inner jawed" )
[close]
And finally

Spoiler
Do the Warrior and Hunter were the only Preds to have a fight with some xeno.? ( i just want to be sure i missed any AvP battle)
[close]

Otherwise great job  :D
I personnaly give you a 14,5 /20
in comparison i gave a 5/20 for AvP and a 8,5/20 for AvPR

Spaghetti

Spaghetti

#2
Ah finally.


I liked it. The predator voice mimic baby laugh was a nice touch. Reeaaaaly amped up the creep factor. Well done.

I was hesitant to the pred/alien ratio but I think it worked well given the circumstances of the fights. You really get the feel for the pred=ranged alien=melee. Still woulda' liked more Predators though.

I knew you'd put egg morphing somewhere in there. I can picture this scene filmed. Grotesquely beautiful.

SiL

SiL

#3
Quote from: FUZION PREDATOR on Aug 20, 2010, 03:04:45 PM
Spoiler
Do the Preds were responsible for the arriving of the facehugger on this planet?
[close]
Spoiler
Not directly. The eggs were on the lifeboat; the Predators tagged it and waited for it to land somewhere, then let the huggers out.
[close]

Quote
Spoiler
Can you confirm that in the first AvP encounter the warrior Pred killed 3 xeno (1 with the spear , the 2nd with the disc and an other with the plsam caster)?

And when after he gets "inner jawed" did he have his helmet?
(i just want to be sure i've understand)
[close]
Spoiler
In the first encounter the 'Warrior' Pred wounds one Alien and kills another; the 'Hunter' Predator kills the third Alien.

I'm fairly sure Warrior's mask is knocked off before he's killed.
[close]

Quote
Spoiler
Can you confirm that the Hunter Pred killed 1 xeno with his smart disc and a second one who get wound on his shoulder with the spear? before getting killed after the last epic fight.

Oh and does he had his helmets? (i usually ask you this question given the facte they both get "inner jawed" )
[close]
Spoiler
Yeah, he kills those; I think he does still have his mask on at the end. Honestly I forget :P
[close]

Quote
Spoiler
Do the Warrior and Hunter were the only Preds to have a fight with some xeno.? ( i just want to be sure i missed any AvP battle)
[close]
Spoiler
They're the only two Predators in the script, so yes :P
[close]

Quote from: Spaghetti on Aug 20, 2010, 09:26:55 PM
I was hesitant to the pred/alien ratio but I think it worked well given the circumstances of the fights. You really get the feel for the pred=ranged alien=melee. Still woulda' liked more Predators though.
I couldn't really fit any more in, though - The script's 103 pages as it is. It's the same problem the original AvP had. Sure, I could throw in even another three Preds, but for time considerations they'd have to be killed off pretty damn quick.

Draven

Draven

#4
You know I liked it, so hey.

You actually managed to back-up your statements regarding the creatures in 'Predators' and give your two Preds different personalities with simple actions, rather than going "THIS IS WARRIOR AND HE IS A WANK".

The humans could maybe be given more to do, but since it's only a second draft (I think) it ain't such a big-deal.

Bringing voice-mimicry back is great considering how it was criminally absent from both AvP movies (seriously, what the hell?).

Fights are awesome, so that's all good.

And now, I dance.

Kriszilla

Kriszilla

#5
Quote from: Draven on Aug 22, 2010, 03:22:13 PM
Bringing voice-mimicry back is great considering how it was criminally absent from both AvP movies (seriously, what the hell?).

As much as I hate AvP-R, Wolf did mimic the ex-army woman's (I can't remember any of the humans' names) voice.

EDIT: Forgot to give my thoughts on the script...

I liked it, gives a much more balanced and rational view of the two species and how they would fight eachother. Well-written, too. That said, there's always room for polishing it up a little.

SiL

SiL

#6
Quote from: Kriszilla on Aug 22, 2010, 04:49:01 PM
As much as I hate AvP-R, Wolf did mimic the ex-army woman's (I can't remember any of the humans' names) voice.
He doesn't actually use it at any point, though.

Quote from: Kriszilla on Aug 22, 2010, 04:49:01 PM
That said, there's always room for polishing it up a little.
Lawdy, yes there is.

FUZION PREDATOR

Quote from: Kriszilla on Aug 22, 2010, 04:49:01 PM
Quote from: Draven on Aug 22, 2010, 03:22:13 PM
Bringing voice-mimicry back is great considering how it was criminally absent from both AvP movies (seriously, what the hell?).

As much as I hate AvP-R, Wolf did mimic the ex-army woman's (I can't remember any of the humans' names) voice.

EDIT: Forgot to give my thoughts on the script...

I liked it, gives a much more balanced and rational view of the two species and how they would fight eachother. Well-written, too. That said, there's always room for polishing it up a little.


;D  Well as a predfan, more xeno kill from these Predators would be welcomed. But it would at the same time troll Alienfans.
So finally i consider this script pretty good to sastisify Pred and Alien fans at the same time (a bite more the alien fans but that's normal after all, given the fact SiL wrote it. If it was Raka Theiw then the Pred fans would a bite more satisfy)

;) Still great job

SiL

SiL

#8
A Pred fanboy's ideal script would have six Predator killing every Alien in existence without getting hurt.


Hive Tyrant

Hive Tyrant

#9
Read it in one sitting - loved every bit of it! I have a question, though.

Spoiler
Was the Alien that killed the Hunter the same as the one that killed the Warrior - the one with the bullet wound in the neck?
[close]

Kimarhi

Kimarhi

#10
It wasn't terrible for a script written in five days by any means.  Give yourself more credit homie.


SiL

SiL

#11
Quote from: Hive Tyrant on Aug 23, 2010, 02:42:03 AM
Spoiler
Was the Alien that killed the Hunter the same as the one that killed the Warrior - the one with the bullet wound in the neck?
[close]
Spoiler
If it doesn't say it in the script, then no -- I seem to remember that one being the one that got hit with Hunter's disc. Or at least it was in my head.
[close]

Space Sweeper

Space Sweeper

#12
So I finally finished it, and I've gotta say- if you pitched this to Fox along side the Strausses AvP: Requeef, yours would have been chosen. The world missed out.

I know that's somewhat a bold thing to say, but really, those are my thoughts. Terrible script? Ha.

FUZION PREDATOR

Quote from: SiL on Aug 23, 2010, 12:33:30 AM
A Pred fanboy's ideal script would have six   one Predator killing every Alien in existence without getting hurt.

;) ;D :D

Kimarhi

Kimarhi

#14
I'm going to write one now. :)

I need something to do now that our busy season has started and my nerves are on edge from wizzork.

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