Quotewhat do you mean, making notes?
Just making notes about the problems with it.
I dunno if you want a copy of all the notes I made, but the short version runs thusly:
- Too many characters have expository dialogue. ie. They ask questions about things they should already know about solely for the benefit of the audience.
- There's lots of overly wordy dialogue, that could be cut right back.
- The romantic angle between Lex and Max is completely unnecessary.
- Max is a sook. It's hard to have empathy for a leading man leaves his employer to die - and in fact didn't get his employer to safety in the first place - and then spends most of the rest of the film in tears.
- There's no tension in the piece. This is down to:
a) Showing way to much Aliens duking it out with Predators early on - the prologue and the Predator ship. Prologue is fine as long as it's all done with tight angles. Fight on the Predator ship is a waste of time.
b) Miller is flagged as a bad guy way too early. He needs the audience to be suspicious about him rather than knowing he's a bad guy right from the word go.
c) Once the shit hits the fans, too much of the action plays out like a video game. Run down corridor - shoot Alien - rinse - repeat. It's repetetive and dull.
- There's plot holes too numerous to mention for a 'short version'.
Mind you a couple of bits stood out:
- Scarface replaying Conner's "Got you, you bastard". The voice recorder stuff was severely lacking in Anderson's version.
- Miller's "That's right, Harlan. Push!" Gold! Pity Grid showing up and slaughtering Miller was so anticlimactic...
Yes there were more fights and they're described as being more bloody, but as I said above, they're too short, arbitrary, and video gamey.
The best idea for this sort of thing is to use Aliens as a template. Not the plot, but the basic structure which is a) give the characters a goal ('stop the Aliens from getting in' which becomes 'the Aliens are in - lets get out') and b) throw a shitload of obstacles (Burke, Aliens, minimal ammo, exploding AP Station, remotely piloting a dropship, can Bishop be trusted?) in their way.
I think the overall basic plot (Predator egg carrier lands - somewhat conveniently - near people who happen to be looking for this sort of thing, eggs open and infect people, Predators show up to kill Aliens) is okay - though the basic story of AvP wasn't that bad either and your script simply borrows from it. However, the characters and dialogue need a complete overhaul.
