*AvP:3 (Mesozoic Era)[Very Gritty/BLOODY Take on AvP/ Raptor - Alien Fight]*

Started by SublimeDBC, Jun 21, 2007, 11:56:08 PM

Author
*AvP:3 (Mesozoic Era)[Very Gritty/BLOODY Take on AvP/ Raptor - Alien Fight]* (Read 15,761 times)

SublimeDBC

SublimeDBC

AVP 3-                   
(Earth 73,000,000 Years Ago..)-
   The quiet wind rustled the soft green leaves on the tall trees and bushes. Small leaves and dust particles flowing silently, briskly dancing in the cold summer breeze. Far off in the distance, the sun rising slowly on the western horizon created a slightly yellow tinge in the late evening sky. Crouched down on a long and slender tree branch, an elder predator precisely stalks its unaware prey. The predator, camouflaged and unseen, stares down eagerly, anxiously watching a fierce battle unfold 50 or 60 feet below taking place on the dense, dark, rainforest floor below.
********************************************************************************************   
           An adult raptor stares angrily and ferociously straight ahead at its oncoming attacker; a massive bug like beast, long, black, an ultimate killer. The raptor gazed carefully, it curiously examined the alien creature facing it. The creature just stood there, standing hunched over, crouched, with its long skeletal arms reaching outward. The alien hissed angrily and fiercely, screeching at the raptor. The alien slowly opened its mouth, and protruded its smaller, secondary mouth. Thick slime and drool began to seep through its razor sharp teeth. The hot liquid slowly began to ooze its way down the beast's boney chin. The mysterious creature's long, skeletal tail fiercely swung back and forth, kicking up dust and gravel as it hit the hard soil. The raptor fixed its eyes on the creatures sharp, needle like barb, that was located on the far end of the monsters long tail. The tip was drenched in dried blood. This was obviously not the beast's first fight. The raptor swung its head back, and let out a blood curdling screech showing off its razor sharp teeth, eagerly ready to tear apart the black monstrosity opposing it.
        The raptor, without further delay, quickly made the first move. It charged with amazing speed towards the alien beast. Arms extended, head forward, it would no doubt emerge victorious over the opposing force standing before it. The alien expecting the attack, hissed angrily, it was ready to kill its opponent no matter the circumstance. Blood thirsty and angrier than ever, the alien would fight to the death. It charged towards its massive attacker meters away. The lone raptor, charging at full speed, stared down its oncoming opponent with unholy rage. As it ran it let out a bloodthirsty roar of anger. The opportunity came quickly, this was its chance. The alien was in range, the raptor leapt at the large alien, arms and feet reaching outward. Its razor sharp claws fully extended, mouth open wide for the kill. At the same time, the alien realized its quick opportunity to strike and pounced at the ferocious beast yards ahead of it. It reached out its hard, boney hands, exposing its long double jointed fingers, at the same time the alien kicked out its long, powerful legs, eager to butcher the creature daring to face it.
       In an intense battle of the fiercest, the jungle quickly came alive as the two merciless killing machines met perfectly in a bloody mid-air collision nine or so feet above the forest floor in the cold evening air. A bloody mix of fierce screams and painful hisses tore through the air, raw blood and acid flying in all directions, covering the lush environment. In mid-air the massive raptor grappled the alien beast and with it's claws tore into the aliens rough hide, slicing into its rock hard skin. The raptor bit fiercely at the attacking alien, taking a massive chunk out of the creatures elongated, bulb like skull. Massive chunks of brain covered in fluorescent green slime poured out of the creature's skull, gushing into the raptor's mouth.The bloody alien hit the ground hard smashing everything underneath it as it fell; it unwillingly let out a bloodcurdling scream of pain. The alien without hesitation quickly slammed its razor sharp claws into the raptors scaled flesh. Blood spewed everywhere as the alien tore open the raptor's massive, bulging chest. The raptor screamed in pain. The alien clawed at the raptors neck and shoulders ripping apart its flesh. The raptor cringed in pain yelping at the top of its lungs. Blood began to spew out of the raptor's near fatal wounds and pour onto the alien. The raptor was stronger and weighed more, it pinned the wounded alien to the ground. The raptor without a moment's hesitation quickly dug its long, knife-like claws into the aliens thick, black shoulder blade, easily tearing apart its shell like skin. The raptor used its strength and dug its claws in deep, nearly cutting the aliens left arm off. Acid bled out of the open wounds on the aliens deformed shoulder and squirted onto the raptor's claws and fingers. The raptor hissed angrily, it glanced down to see two of its fingers melt off its hand. Smoke rose as acid began to burn away the rest of its hand. The alien, determined, took advantage of the situation and with perfect timing used its last ounce of strength to kick the heavy raptor off its wounded body using its hind legs.
         The raptor screamed in pain as it was flung backward into a massive tree yards away. The alien, covered in blood and acid, hissed fiercely and quickly leapt upright. Acid still pouring down its deformed skull and torn shoulder blade, the creature stood crippled and hunched over. Many of its bones were crushed and broken from the near fatal fall it had taken. It's hide was torn and tattered, the fight leaving two of its exposed ribs torn in half. Muddy dirt and debris from the forest floor covering its sleek black body. The raptor breathed hard, taking in short harsh gasps of air, smoke and dust clouding the air around it. The raptor lay still and silent against the earth below it. The beast was scarred and wounded from head to toe, it continued to bleed out onto the dirt and leaves beneath its large body. It desperately used the little strength it still had to lift its heavy body off the blood-stained ground and stand in an upright position. It refused to give up.
         Both creatures stood crippled and exhausted, not moving a muscle, just gazing intensely at one another with raw anger. The environment was torn apart, blood and acid covering the once beautiful landscape. The tired raptor stood still, blood running down its muscular chest and seeping out of its mouth. It was so sure this would have been an easy kill, how could it have come to this? It quietly gazed at the alien, the suns rays reflecting off the creature's hard, black skin. As it stared down the creature, it felt a sudden burning rage take over its body. The alien, yards away, stood leaning over on its left side, hissing angrily at its attacker, acid oozing off its long, boney fingers. Its broken skull throbbed, the sheer pain was incredible, acid continued to pour out of its mouth falling in clumps on the tainted earth beneath it. As the acid landed on the ground it burned into the dirt and leaves, causing steam and smoke to rise. Then a calm and deadly silence wreaked the still air.
           The raptors instincts told it that the time to finish off its opponent was now. The raptor charged and lashed out at the alien beast. It screamed and thrived as it charged, blood spraying out of its mouth. The alien didn't move or react. The velociraptor was confident it would take down its opponent. It let out a bloodthirsty scream of fury, glanced at the alien, and pounced once more at its prey unwilling to make the same mistake it had made minutes before. It opened its jaws wide, revealing its sharp, bloody teeth snarling at the alien. It lived for this moment, it was unstoppable, a true hunter, it would slaughter its opponent for scars it had left.
        It lunged for the bloody alien's revealing neck, showing absolutely no mercy. The raptor tore the aliens neck apart like paper, yellow and green gore spraying in all directions. The raptor gripped tightly and clenched its jaws decapitating the alien effortlessly. The raptor pinned the aliens lifeless corpse to the ground, smashing its ribs and internal organs with its strong legs, it cut into the beasts bare chest with its razor sharp claws, digging them deep into the aliens hide. The raptor sensed movement and glanced up quickly, it spotted the alien's bloody skull still hurling through the air, a crude and vicious facial expression still shown on its wretched face. The aliens inner mouth still biting and spitting furiously at the raptor staring curiously at it. The skull hit a rock amazingly hard cracking some of its frame. Slowly, the deformed skull slid down the large curvy boulder till it came to a stop, just feet away from where its wasted body lay, hot saliva still oozing out of the vicious aliens mouth. The raptor cocked its head back and let out a blood curdling scream of triumph over its decapitated enemy. It angled its head down and stared at the dead alien's body curiously, its long, black fingers still twitching.
         The raptor continued to stare at the corpse examining it, until it knew for sure the mysterious beast was dead. The lush air wreaked with death and decay. The raptor turned around slowly, it was exhausted, and it desperately needed a place to rest and recover. As it slowly and anxiously limped back in the direction it had come just before it's savage confrontation, it suddenly saw a quick movement disperse from the corner of one of its large, sensitive eyes. It instantly turned its exposed body and faced the direction from which the movement had come. It stared in horror and disbelief, trying desperately to believe what it was seeing yards away. The raptors blood stained body frozen in fear. In the darkness, a bloodthirsty alien queen stared at its prey with pure rage and raw anger. It stood absolutely still, its entire body camouflaged in the dark shade being provided by the thick, massive trees surrounding it. Its terrifying silk black body standing hunched over like the rest of its vicious creed, the queens hard, boney figure standing easily fifteen to twenty ft. above the soft, bright green bushes and plants scattered across the forest floor beneath it. Its wide, lengthy skull, fixed on the raptor gazing at it The queens massive jaws opened up extremely wide, revealing it's thick, razor sharp teeth, glistening in the ghostly darkness. It slowly shot out its deadly inner mouth covered in thick slime and saliva that slowly dripped off its tiny jaws. The queen raised its huge, boney skull, and let out a bloodcurdling scream of sheer rage and unimaginable anger. The hellish scream rattled the trees and echoed through the dark forest. The raptor quivered and shook in fear. The raptor stared at the queen as if it was confronting death itself. It slowly and steadily backed away from the monstrous queen, hoping to escape alive.
        The queen hissed and screeched, it raised two of its huge, boney arms in anger as it gazed at the terrified raptor. The queens massive arms scraped and clawed at the windy air in front of it, as if it was trying to tear apart some unseen enemy. Its gigantic feet stomped and smashed the ground beneath it. Dirt and plant life were undug and torn to pieces by the beast's massive claws as they pierced the earths crust. No longer hesitant, the blood thirsty queen charged, its mouth spraying hot transparent saliva everywhere as it picked up speed. Its monstrous skull swaying back and forth as it moved, the savage creature eager for the fresh meat that stood before it. The weak raptor used the little strength it had and leapt towards the oncoming queen yards ahead. Seeing the desperate attack the monstrous queen showed no mercy and opened its jaws wide and with near perfect timing, caught the raptor by its boney skull. The raptor was brutally decapitated as the powerful queen swung its mighty head back still clenching tightly on the velociraptor's hard skull. The raptor's mortally scarred, blood stained corpse flailed and twisted vigorously as it was savagely tossed straight up into the cool, windy sky above. For nearly twelve seconds the once clear sky rained down blood as the headless velociraptor flew through the air, its exposed neck and torn flesh spewing streams of blood in all directions as its limp body forwarded. The butchered beast continued to fall to the earth until the creatures lifeless body struck a massive tree. Its corpse slid slowly down the trunk of the tree and fell limply down onto a hard, thick, tree branch. There was a loud "Crachkkk!" as the beast landed stiffly on the pine wood, the raptor's fragile ribs snapped on impact. Three of the bloody bones tore through the gored creature's chest, crushed bones, blood, and body fluids proceeded to fall silently down to the forest floor beneath...


Give me feedback if you liked this, tell me if you liked it, hated it, etc..

I changed it up a little (January 14, 2009)...
    
   


ShadowPred

ShadowPred

#1
Didn't the dinosaurs die out 65 million years ago?

How is this time frame possible?

Dachande

*looks at title*

'Prehistoric Era'


ShadowPred

ShadowPred

#3
Quote from: Dachande on Jun 22, 2007, 12:01:45 AM
*looks at title*

'Prehistoric Era'



The story has Velociraptors in it.




Oh, the story is amazing, a lot of detail into everything, it was as if i was reading a freakin book, great job.

Dachande

Prehistoric merely means, before written history, so everything before the first written word, is all prehistory

ShadowPred

but it is set 45 million B.C.

The dinosaurs died in 65 million B.C.

25 million years down the road, i highly doubt some would still be alive.

SublimeDBC

hah hey sorry about that i just realized i never payed much attentn to the title just the story..
but thnx. :)

SublimeDBC

Im proud of the fact that it has no humans in it...

Nychus

Well written. I still think you should have closed the story with the Raptor's other packmates surrounding the Queen and preparing to avenge it's death in another battle. Velociraptors never hunt alone.

Uncanny Antman

Uncanny Antman

#9
Quote from: Nychus on Jun 24, 2007, 11:41:53 AM
Velociraptors never hunt alone.

  Wow, a blanket statement about a species which died 65 million years ago.   Y'know, I think there may be a little wiggle room on that whole "hunting together" thing.  :)




Oh, by the way, Sublime...you might wanna go through and fix the tense of the story.  You seem to fluctuate between present and past tense in the descriptions.

Nychus

When we know barely anything about any of the extinct species there's very little room left for real world accuracy in fan fiction, if even any fiction either, Uncanny Antman. ;)

As for pack hunting, an animal usually as small as a Dromaeosaur, in even distant hopes of taking down anything larger, would need to be a wolf-like packhunter. Besides, it's a popular theory.

Uncanny Antman

Quote from: Nychus on Jun 25, 2007, 07:48:35 PM
As for pack hunting, an animal usually as small as a Dromaeosaur, in even distant hopes of taking down anything larger, would need to be a wolf-like packhunter. Besides, it's a popular theory.

  Emphasis mine.  My point isn't that they didn't...my point is that writing a story where they don't hardly warrants being called inaccurate.

SM

Especially since a real velociraptor is about half the size of an Alien.

Quotethe sun rising slowly on the western horizon

And the sun apparently rises in the west.

Quoteit bit fiercely at the attacking alien, taking a massive chunk out of its elongated, bulb like skull

And the fight was actually over when this occurred.

SublimeDBC

How did you guys like the fight scenes?

SM


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