Re version 17:
I can see what you're going for; a kind of medley of greatest hits of best scenes from your favourite Alien stories. Nothing wrong with that - this is the fan fic section of the forum after all. I recognise bits of Alien, Aliens, and Alien isolation in there.
As it stands, this draft is a bit unsure of whether it's a short film or a feature length movie. At 70 pages it's far too long for the former, and far too unstructured for the latter.
Let's say it's intended as a short (as stated on the title page). In this case brevity is key to the plot. The story should start at page 21, with all the Colonial Guards already on their way to the Anne Arundel. A quick mission briefing whilst enroute is all you need to lay expositional groundwork.
The same with the ending. Part 1 should end at page 46. Once the fireworks are over (the Anne Arundel blowing up) do we need scenes of Mac showering and getting into her night-clothes for bed? (Unless you plan on casting Megan Fox, then YES!)
But let's return to the start of the story:
None of that business about the Black Forge being shut down and what Gabe and Jeremy are going to do afterwards is necessary or relevant.
Focus in on Mac as the protagonist and POV character right from the first page.
You'll probably want to hint at something about Mac's parents and her history down on the planet, to foreshadow later events, but keep it brief.
Also, you're missing a description of the Colonial Guards' uniform and equipment, especially weaponry. All Mac seems to have is a sidearm. Is that the same for all the Guards? And yet Gabe thinks it's possible they're facing a hijacking. If so, they seem severely under equipped.
Are they not equipped with personal radios so they can maintain constant comms with each other, like Colonial Marines?
They also seem to be lacking a lot in military training and discipline.
Maintain some consistency with Mac's characterisation. One moment she's whimpering and panic struck, and later on she's taking charge of Gabe's rescue.
And in general, for a short film the entire adventure onboard the Anne Arundel needs to be drastically tightened up. I would suggest you pick the eyes out of what you've got and only keep the absolute best scenes.
The max length for a short is about 30 minutes (that's 30 pages). And most film festivals want them significantly shorter than that: 10 - 15 minutes.
In terms of writing style and screenplay formatting I suggest you read lots and lots of professional scripts. They are easily searchable and available on the internet.
Just my opinions.
Best of luck.
TC
