Depression, Anxiety, and Mood Disorders

[Samhain13]

I'm really struggling at the moment, emotionally, mentally... I don't really talk about this to anyone but its gotten to a point where I feel I really need to talk to someone. I used to suffer with it on and off during my early 20's but over the last few years I feel like its just become a lot more intense, this feeling of hopelessness... just questioning my existence, belonging. I can go weeks feeling ok but times like now where I'm just really low and I can't describe what triggers it. I shouldn't feel like this but just do... I've always come close to messaging on this forum, in this topic, but always stop.

I've dealt with stuff like that on and off since I was a teen and every day I wonder about how did things turn out this way? Why did it ever come to this? What triggered our mind to lose itself like that? Its like we are slaves of those negative thoughts that take away our freedom to feel better. What kind of person would want to keep going if they knew they were going to end up in a hell like this?

But most people are pushed by something, to keep marching right into hell, usually that something isn't of our own will. Their situation or others forces them to do it. But the kind of hell seen by people who push themselves into it is different. They can also see something beyond that hell. Maybe it's hope. Maybe it's yet another hell.

The only people who do known are the ones who keep moving forward.

[BlueMarsalis79]

It is never easy.

[BlueMarsalis79]

I slept all day, missed my appointment and, said something truly awful. Loathe myself so much

[BlueMarsalis79]

It is okay, now past me, future me recovered.

[Xenomrph]

I'm not sure my medications are right.

[BlueMarsalis79]

In what regard exactly?

[Xenomrph]

Been depressed, mood swings, occasionally suicidal. Gonna call the doctor in the morning.

[AliceApocalypse]

Been depressed, mood swings, occasionally suicidal. Gonna call the doctor in the morning.

I hope they can help you soon, this is scary.  Remember that you have friends here.

[BlueMarsalis79]

Been depressed, mood swings, occasionally suicidal. Gonna call the doctor in the morning.

I know that place you're in if you want to talk though I'm here.

[[cancerblack]]

Been depressed, mood swings, occasionally suicidal. Gonna call the doctor in the morning.

Oh, that looks familiar. So far I've found zero meds that work for me though (and some have had years long side effects that remained or still remain long after stopping), so I just live with it the bad feels.

[Xenomrph]

Yeah that's unacceptable for me

[[cancerblack]]

Understandable. It's pretty hellish.

[Local Trouble]

Found out yesterday that my Xanax gravy train is all used up.  Doctor says she can't prescribe it to me anymore due to some change in the law.

Now I have three months to wean off of it.

[[cancerblack]]

Oosh. Sorry to hear that.

[Local Trouble]

The good news is that I never abused it so I only took 1mg a night before bed.  She's going to prescribe me .5mg for the next three months and then nothing, but I read that reducing my dose by half every two weeks should do the trick.  I think I can handle that, but we'll see.

This is probably for the best anyway.