Alien Morpheus Treatment

Started by diesektor999, Apr 29, 2020, 03:16:25 AM

Author
Alien Morpheus Treatment (Read 5,430 times)

diesektor999

diesektor999

Dear Brother and Sister Alien fans

So around a year ago I published a short brain stormed beat sheet/ treatment for an idea I had for Alien 5 and direct sequel to Covenant. Back when I first put this the whole thing online it was massively rushed a littered with million spelling mistakes and the flow of it a little all over the show. However, the main idea did receive a really positive feedback from you all and as a result I've been adding little bits to the treatment here and there and yesterday I finished a version I would say is a much better shareable effort.

Since the first version - I've been refining and tinkering with everything I've written and have taken time to add some cool dialogue as well adding some names of characters and location etc. This should make for an interesting read for you guys! I'd be honoured by your feedback and any kind words about how I could flesh things out further. Any ideas are welcome, and if a any Disney/fox execs are looking please get in touch 😊 Even if you think there could be major changes then please let me know in the comments section below. Many thanks in advance for taking the time to read my story, I hope you enjoy it as much as I enjoyed writing it and put everything together.

I will be adding more parts and changes soon. Really want to get this over at least 100 pages so feel free to chime in so this can be the best it can be #f**kdepression

you can read / download the doc in pdf via yumpa https://www.yumpu.com/en/document/view/63306912/alien-morpheus-alien-5

Parting I'll leave on a poem. David style.

She stood on the bridge
In silence and fear,
For the demons of darkness
Had driven her here.

They cut her heart
Right out of her chest,
Making her believe
That the demons knew best.

They were always there,
Sometimes just out of sight,
Waiting in the background
Till the time was right.

These demons were destructive,
Knocking down the life she knew,
Hating everything about her;
She hated herself, too.

These demons can't be seen,
But they're far from fairy tales.
They live inside your mind;
Their evilness prevails.

So on the bridge she stood,
About to end the fight.
Then she stopped and thought
I'll fight them one more night


you can read / download the doc in pdf via yumpa https://www.yumpu.com/en/document/read/63297908/alien-morpheus-main-20

Kradan

Kradan

#1
This is about Shaw, isn't it ?

Man, I think this has potential in being something fans really wanted - story about whatever the hell happened with Shaw in between Prometheus and Covenant. The fact it's lyrics and it's allegoric makes it even better. It's like telling the story from David's POV which leaves so much room for interpretation !

diesektor999

diesektor999

#2
Quote from: Kradan on Apr 29, 2020, 07:08:48 AM
This is about Shaw, isn't it ?

Man, I think this has potential in being something fans really wanted - story about whatever the hell happened with Shaw in between Prometheus and Covenant. The fact it's lyrics and it's allegoric makes it even better. It's like telling the story from David's POV which leaves so much room for interpretation !

Hey buddy i felt the poem was very much aimed at shaw however I can't take credit for it. I'm glad you liked my script link in the description What was your favorite part or do you have any ideas we can add.

Many thanks

TC

TC

#3
I enjoy reading fan-fic, but have to admit i will often get a couple pages in and bail because, quite frankly, a lot of it is poor. However, it's also true that anything Alien related is far more likely to grab my attention.  ;)

Anyway, congrats on reaching the end of your story. Now is the time to critically appraise it, before launching into the screenplay proper.

Do you know what script coverage is? It's an analysis of a prospective film script that a Hollywood studio or producer uses to determine whether or not it is good enough to commit to. Professional readers (yes, it's an actual job) do a critical analysis of the screenplay, grading it's qualities on a number of key points. You can do a Google search on "what is script coverage" if you want to learn more.

Or, you could go to this link and follow the key points like a checklist to grade your story for yourself, in effect doing your own "coverage."

https://nofilmschool.com/2016/03/script-readers-checklist-60-things-will-land-your-screenplay-trash

Best of luck.

TC

diesektor999

diesektor999

#4
Quote from: TC on Apr 29, 2020, 10:58:39 AM
I enjoy reading fan-fic, but have to admit i will often get a couple pages in and bail because, quite frankly, a lot of it is poor. However, it's also true that anything Alien related is far more likely to grab my attention.  ;)

Anyway, congrats on reaching the end of your story. Now is the time to critically appraise it, before launching into the screenplay proper.

Do you know what script coverage is? It's an analysis of a prospective film script that a Hollywood studio or producer uses to determine whether or not it is good enough to commit to. Professional readers (yes, it's an actual job) do a critical analysis of the screenplay, grading it's qualities on a number of key points. You can do a Google search on "what is script coverage" if you want to learn more.

Or, you could go to this link and follow the key points like a checklist to grade your story for yourself, in effect doing your own "coverage."

https://nofilmschool.com/2016/03/script-readers-checklist-60-things-will-land-your-screenplay-trash

Best of luck.

TC

Hi TC

Just wanted to say a big thank you for making it to the end and for the links you kindly provided. And yes i am aware of the check list. I've been study screen play writing since last and plan to start a degree come September. i can imagine ill still do even more work on the treatment which currently stands miles apart from the original beat sheet that i did over on the AC forum.

what were your thoughts on the main concept for the story. do you think its somethings fans would enjoy either seeing transformed into a comic or a novel?

Best Regards

Luke

Kradan

Kradan

#5
Quote from: diesektor999 on Apr 29, 2020, 10:28:59 AM
Quote from: Kradan on Apr 29, 2020, 07:08:48 AM
This is about Shaw, isn't it ?

Man, I think this has potential in being something fans really wanted - story about whatever the hell happened with Shaw in between Prometheus and Covenant. The fact it's lyrics and it's allegoric makes it even better. It's like telling the story from David's POV which leaves so much room for interpretation !

Hey buddy i felt the poem was very much aimed at shaw however I can't take credit for it. I'm glad you liked my script link in the description What was your favorite part or do you have any ideas we can add.

Many thanks

Oh, really ? Whoops. I just thought the link was the same poem. I'll need to check it out some time later then. But I'll stick to what I've said before.

TC

TC

#6
Quote from: diesektor999 on Apr 29, 2020, 11:49:19 AM
what were your thoughts on the main concept for the story.

Fanfic can work in other ways to please its audience besides the way a 'normal' commercial movie or novel works. Sometimes what a fan wants is a type of 'fan service' in which what they want is to see their own prescribed story realised in words on the page (or pics in a fan comic, or scenes in a fan film). What you've got there ticks quite a few boxes of what fans have said they want in a 3rd prequel. So,

Quote
...do you think its somethings fans would enjoy either seeing transformed into a comic or a novel?

if we're talking about the realm of fan fiction, then: Yes.

However, if you're going to study screenwriting at a degree level, fan-fic is definitely not the model you should be using. If this is some sort of practice exercise for a professional effort, I would even suggest that writing a tag-on sequel (this one rides on the coat tails of Covenant) will only make it even more difficult. (Because a lot of the set-up, the precious stuff that makes up a 1st act, is in the previous story.)

Just my 02 cents.

TC

diesektor999

diesektor999

#7
Quote from: TC on Apr 30, 2020, 01:52:03 PM
Quote from: diesektor999 on Apr 29, 2020, 11:49:19 AM
what were your thoughts on the main concept for the story.

Fanfic can work in other ways to please its audience besides the way a 'normal' commercial movie or novel works. Sometimes what a fan wants is a type of 'fan service' in which what they want is to see their own prescribed story realised in words on the page (or pics in a fan comic, or scenes in a fan film). What you've got there ticks quite a few boxes of what fans have said they want in a 3rd prequel. So,

Quote
...do you think its somethings fans would enjoy either seeing transformed into a comic or a novel?

if we're talking about the realm of fan fiction, then: Yes.

However, if you're going to study screenwriting at a degree level, fan-fic is definitely not the model you should be using. If this is some sort of practice exercise for a professional effort, I would even suggest that writing a tag-on sequel (this one rides on the coat tails of Covenant) will only make it even more difficult. (Because a lot of the set-up, the precious stuff that makes up a 1st act, is in the previous story.)

Just my 02 cents.

TC

Thanks TC and that again is great feedback indeed. i have other projects im working on that are my own ideas all in prep for starting my degree. i expect all of this will develop over time until i good portfolio of marketable material. recently i completed an entire first draft of a screen play called ' The Mine' its a mystery sci fi horror set around a family who move to a farm house and are terrorized by something that comes from the surrounding abandoned mines. its got the great elements inspired by predator where you see through the eyes of whats watching them with that same claustrophobic fear and dread of alien. really need to work on the ending some more but that one is coming along nicely. The alien Morpheus project is merely for fun, to see what i can do with something concerning a franchise a really care about. be insane to see it made into comic or novel though. i have a friend who is really good with story boarding so i hope to treat the alien community with a visual interpretation as well.

what did you think of the character butler by the way - do you think it would be fun to see two evil droids working together ? do you think they should be the same or should butler be a totally new charter  .

thanks again for all the kind words and advice. i will certainly take all of it on board . regards L


UPDATED : Ive a done some more work corrected some bits and pieces as well as added a few more parts and made some sections read better . I've also started adding all the int ext views etc as well a s few Close on shots.

TC

TC

#8
Quote from: diesektor999 on Apr 30, 2020, 04:55:35 PM
The alien Morpheus project is merely for fun, to see what i can do with something concerning a franchise a really care about.

I used to overlook fan-fic as a waste of time but then I realised what fun it can be as a writer because, as already stated, it plays by other rules. The chief one being that it has no commercial imperative, therefore no pressure to please any audience other than yourself.

Also, not to put too fine a point on it, but fan-fic is an unofficial license to steal. As long as you follow 2 unwritten rules you can basically get away with theft of another author's work. The 2 rules are:

1. Don't pretend it's anything other than an amateur's fan-fic.

2. Don't make money from it.

And as you said, it's also a good testing ground to hone your skills using story material in which you have a pre-existing knowledge and interest. So it's a helpful short cut to getting a story off the ground - which is very useful in a writing exercise.

Quote from: diesektor999 on Apr 30, 2020, 04:55:35 PM
what did you think of the character butler by the way - do you think it would be fun to see two evil droids working together ?

Apart from enabling David's escape early on, he has no other purpose to the plot. You need to find other things for him to do.

I don't understand how David's "olive branch" message corrupts Butler's programming and turns him evil.

Ericks says Butler's mission is to return David intact, at all costs. Butler asks what "at all costs" means. Ericks says his mission notes will explain that. This sounds like it might be significant, but I don't know how. I never got to see the notes.

Quote from: diesektor999 on Apr 30, 2020, 04:55:35 PM
do you think they should be the same or should butler be a totally new charter  .

Do you mean if they should be identical twins or not? At this stage of the writing, I'd say this is rather trivial, but sure; make them twins!

Once again, there's plenty of info available on the internet explaining what goes into a good protagonist. Here's just one:



Have fun!

TC

diesektor999

diesektor999

#9
Quote from: TC on May 01, 2020, 10:41:26 AM
Quote from: diesektor999 on Apr 30, 2020, 04:55:35 PM
The alien Morpheus project is merely for fun, to see what i can do with something concerning a franchise a really care about.

I used to overlook fan-fic as a waste of time but then I realised what fun it can be as a writer because, as already stated, it plays by other rules. The chief one being that it has no commercial imperative, therefore no pressure to please any audience other than yourself.

Also, not to put too fine a point on it, but fan-fic is an unofficial license to steal. As long as you follow 2 unwritten rules you can basically get away with theft of another author's work. The 2 rules are:

1. Don't pretend it's anything other than an amateur's fan-fic.

2. Don't make money from it.

And as you said, it's also a good testing ground to hone your skills using story material in which you have a pre-existing knowledge and interest. So it's a helpful short cut to getting a story off the ground - which is very useful in a writing exercise.

Quote from: diesektor999 on Apr 30, 2020, 04:55:35 PM
what did you think of the character butler by the way - do you think it would be fun to see two evil droids working together ?

Apart from enabling David's escape early on, he has no other purpose to the plot. You need to find other things for him to do.

I don't understand how David's "olive branch" message corrupts Butler's programming and turns him evil.

Ericks says Butler's mission is to return David intact, at all costs. Butler asks what "at all costs" means. Ericks says his mission notes will explain that. This sounds like it might be significant, but I don't know how. I never got to see the notes.

Quote from: diesektor999 on Apr 30, 2020, 04:55:35 PM
do you think they should be the same or should butler be a totally new charter  .

Do you mean if they should be identical twins or not? At this stage of the writing, I'd say this is rather trivial, but sure; make them twins!

Once again, there's plenty of info available on the internet explaining what goes into a good protagonist. Here's just one:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zci-54NbeMo

Have fun!

TC

yes you've definitely hit the nail on the head on all points there - and again great feed back.

really appreciate you getting stuck into the content too. to give you some extra scope on ideas that haven't been included yet is that butler was teh first to the transmission and the company had instructed him' crew expendable' Erick's was only privy to so much despite him being such a corporate boot licker - that should Erick's decide to stray from corporate instructions that hes to assist David in any way he can- their way of returning the olive branch - so they only tell Erick's half the story - so butlers kind of working on the same perimeters that Ash was in alien. Bring back life form, priority one, all other priorities are rescinded. another idea i had was to make butler look like Weyland himself? i dont how that would go down though..bishop was made in the image of his creator ? - and your right about David needing more to do..that's something im giving serious thought to today. i was thinking of him giving butler an in depth tour of the hive pyramid, kind of an insane David attenborough style walk through of all the the wonderful creatures inside. some other ideas were to use an element from alien 3 we haven't seen in any alien films for a long time, only comics and games. well i planned to have the marines fighting off different styles of xenos, born for the live stock on board the covenant they would all take on a slightly different form - some faster and  more agile, some bulkier and more heavily armored. i also had a strange idea for a bat like xeno that hung from the walls in caves and swooped down. in fact as im writing this im having tons of ideas so ill prob go crack on before i end up writing down everything from here.

also in the words of the late bill paxton ' if you like that then you are going to love this; - i made an audio trailer to promote my treatment and fan fic - you can listen to it via https://soundcloud.com/diesektor/alien-morpheus-trailer-music

ill upload another version of the script to yumpa and hit you back up here when its updated:)

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