Started by Prince77, Sep 10, 2023, 05:03:13 PM
Quote from: GetThat81 on Sep 10, 2023, 06:09:26 PMhttps://youtu.be/vWo7miKSpDg?si=euWpb8mU2drQwW4y
Quote from: Acid_Reign161 on Sep 10, 2023, 05:24:54 PMHonestly? In the interest of finding something positive to say; you've managed to do the impossible and make AvP:R look like a masterpiece in comparison, congratulations! 😃
Quote from: [cancerblack] on Sep 10, 2023, 07:02:44 PMAnswer my question please, Prince77.I can't critique your idea properly until I know if it's the work of a child or an adult.
Quote from: [cancerblack] on Sep 10, 2023, 08:00:17 PMI'll be real with you, it's so I know how brutal to be. The critique will not be positive either way, but I don't want to discourage a younger person too badly.
Quote from: [cancerblack] on Sep 10, 2023, 09:02:22 PMThe soldiers: Good grief. While crossovers are almost universally terrible anyway when it's just two worlds colliding, you've thrown in the entire kitchen sink, then gone looking for more. Don't do this either. It sucks and nobody except you will ever like it.
Quote from: [cancerblack] on Sep 10, 2023, 09:02:22 PMf**k it.First off, this should be in the Fan Fiction section, not the Alien Films section, and will likely get moved to the appropriate subforum by a Mod or Admin.Second. You have not written an idea for a movie, you have written an idea for a videogame. It's even broken down into maps/arenas like a classic FPS or well, like the Contra games people keep linking you to in these threads, that you're basically beat-for beat recreating. I'd like to give you the benefit of the doubt in never having heard of Contra, but that seems unlikely given the extreme similarities. I cannot stress enough though that this is the outline for an action game, not a film. Films don't work like this, and you need to study how they do work. Then, pick a small number of these locations, and expand them into living, breathing places that actual narrative can take place in. No, a firefight is not narrative on its own.The name you've given this mess sounds like what someone with English as a second language* would call their terribly made, totally-not-call-of-duty asset flip game on the Steam store. If you're going to continue with this, then for god's sake, name it something better. Something that sounds more science fiction-y would be a start. *If English is your second language, then you're doing very well with it on a technical level, the spelling and grammar is fine. It's the ideas that are bad.Diabolomorphs: No. Stop it. If you want something like that, then look into writing Warhammer 40k fanfiction, because the Tyranids are just this idea but better and 35 years older. Fundamentally changing what the Aliens from the Alien franchise are, and then getting into power-level wank with it, is incredibly cringe and childish. So just don't do it.The soldiers: Good grief. While crossovers are almost universally terrible anyway when it's just two worlds colliding, you've thrown in the entire kitchen sink, then gone looking for more. Don't do this either. It sucks and nobody except you will ever like it.It seems like Umbrella is the most important part of this crossover to you, so if you're going to push on with this and try to make something worthwhile, my genuine advice is as follows:- Change the name of the idea to something that actually sounds like it's in a science fiction setting. Use less words in general, and avoid giving it a subtitle if possible. If you do give it a subtitle, make the main title Alien or Aliens. That's how you get people to care enough to even bother looking.- Get rid of all the characters from other movies. Every single one of them. They add nothing, it's not as cool as you seem to think it is, by a long way, and if some movie executive (I can only assume while suffering a stroke) did pick up your idea, the licensing issues would torpedo the whole thing minutes later. Create your own characters. Homage to other films and media is great, but don't lift things or people wholesale. Especially not from a dozen other well known franchises at once.- Get rid of the Diabolomorphs. If you're going to use Aliens, use Aliens. a small amount of Umbrella style Zs or mutants you can possibly get away with as an isolated event. Not an entire Bigger Batman species. Don't try to re-invent the wheel here. - Get rid of Umbrella. An evil biotech company f**king around with the Aliens is cool, but we already have a lot of them. You can choose an existing one from the Alien setting, or create a new one similar to Umbrella, but ditch the overt lifting from Resident Evil. It's not helping you at all.- Play the Contra games, or at least watch videos about them. The similarities to what you're putting out there are striking, and again, I'm not entirely convinced you aren't fully aware of them and just filing the serial numbers off then adding a distracting amount of other crossovers. But assuming you're acting in good faith, go check them out. It's helpful to know what's come before you, especially when it's so incredibly similar.I know this has been very negative, but it's honestly for your own good. You may well be a capable writer one day, but you'll never get there without being told why the things you're doing now are bad. And they are bad. You need to ruthlessly strip 95% of this out and start again with a few core concepts that mean something to you, and grow your setting from there. Then start populating it with original characters who have real motivations beyond "saving the universe". Be more reserved with the Aliens, or create your own original species and don't try to tie it in with the Alien franchise. The Dark Horse Aliens comics Labyrinth, Genocide, Music of the Spears, and Rogue all have elements of what you seem to want and I suggest reading any of them that you haven't, to see where other people have taken similar basic concepts.I don't think you should give up, but I do think you need to start again after learning more about how movies are structured, and get over the desire to make it a huge crossover.
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