Just a sample

Started by KidPresentable, Oct 03, 2008, 12:21:36 AM

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Just a sample (Read 553 times)

KidPresentable

KidPresentable

I've had a story I've been working on since AvPR came out, but never actually got around to writing. I had made up an outline at one point, so I just picked a random point in the story to start writing, hopping that it will encourage me to actually get going on it.

This is just a work in progress, and takes place several chapters in - so if you don't know what's going on don't worry  :)

Feedback would be good. I've never actually written a story before so I'm not too sure I'm starting paragraphs in correct instances. But here it is.

***

   There had been more disappearances over the last few days.  There was seemingly no connection between individuals – the gender, age, and profession of each case varied.  Except their faith. Every one was a member of OCH. But Val didn't think it was of any importance. After all, if each were Christian it wouldn't be significant, would it? His security staff had been bumped out of the investigation by the Goon Squad, same as the first time. Val was told that he and his crew should stick to more "routine duties." There was another thing that struck him as odd: During each statement he overheard, inquiries where made as to whether or not the missing person was armed.
   Ever since the disappearances, no one was allowed outside after dark with out a security escort. Which is why Val was escorting Paul to his shift at the lab. A "routine duty" if there ever was one.
   "I still can't believe they won't let me handle it a second time." It was Paul complaining again. He was referring to a specific responsibility the doctors had left him with. Needless to say, it didn't end in a satisfactory manner.
   "Well you f**ked it up the first time," Val said matter-of-factly. "You really pissed them off."
   "Yea, well...you should see the job the new guy did. It's just as bad, if not worse, than mine!"
   Val smiled then said: "Hey, at the rate this is going the third guy'll be even worse. You'll look great by comparison!" Paul didn't find the humor in this. His face resembled that of a child, who's mother told him he couldn't have that expensive toy.
   When both men finally reached the entrance, the security officer hit the com-button to the right of the door. "Valentine here. We were able to locate your missing child."
    A male voice doing a poor imitation of a female one crackled through the speaker.  "Oh thank goodness, we were terribly worried!"
   Val looked over at Paul with a grin on his face. The lab tech was still scowling. Jesus, nothing made this guy laugh. The door slid upwards with it's familiar vmmmmmm and both men stepped inside the decontamination chamber. Directly in front of them was door that was the entrance to the laboratory building. To the left was a reinforced plexiglass window, though which they could see the tech working the control console as well a fat engineer Val recognized. Craig Hershel, loudmouth extraordinaire. A fine, sweet-smelling mist blasted both men inside the chamber. When the decontamination process was finished, the entrance door failed to open. The man working the console tapped a few keys, and still nothing.
   "Really? This thing still isn't working right?" said Valentine with a smile and mock-frustration in his voice. The man at the console shrugged at him through the glass. Hershel shook his head in  a tiresome fashion and knelt down to examine the machinery. He opened a panel on the side of the console and poked about with his pen-light.
   A loud noise, like someone getting hit by a truck, erupted inside the chamber. Paul let out yelp that didn't sound as masculine as he liked. The ceiling now protruded downward as something hit it with great force from above. One of the lights shattered and now hung from a wire, sparks occasionally emitted from where it had been mounted. The second light made a humming noise and flickered on and off erratically.


Nobody

Nobody

#1
Continue please  ;D

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