So I left this forum in the run up to Covenant as all of Prometheus' marketing material really spoiled a film I already didn't enjoy and I think that marred some of the experience for me.
I watched A:C at the cinema and gave myself a week to mull over it. I haven't read the average review here or even voted in this thread's poll to see what popular opinion is, but here is my review for Alien Covenant.
I feel absolutely nothing for this movie. No hatred for tarnishing the franchise - At this point I've begrudgingly accepted that Ridley's vision is the direction of the Alien franchise whether I like it or not. No joy of seeing the Aliens return and stalk corridors like the original movie, and certainly none of the fear.
This film left me numb. Everything felt bland - The locations, the characters, the situations. Nothing stimulated my senses. The reveal of the crashed Juggernaut is a good example - In the original, it was seen through mist in the distance, and on monitors flickering with feedback. You never quite got a good look at it until after a lot of tension building. In Covenant it was a sudden shot of the ship, it wasn't a slow panned shot as it emerged towering from behind the tress. It was just there. It felt clumsy or like Ridley simply didn't care enough for what should be quite important beat in the plot.
The storyline just happened. It felt like the story was written like 'Gets signal > Goes to planet > Infected > Protomorphs > David' and someone less that competent went in and wrote dialogue over the top. I know this is how most screenplays are written, but this felt unfinished with no polish. It didn't flow for me at all. As I was watching I was processing the information like writing down a mental list "The Captain is dead. Ok, he's the new Captain. He's religious. He's lacking in confidence.' At no point did I feel immersed in the film.
The cast were good enough. No stand out performances. I found James Franco dying immediately took me out the movie before it had even properly started. Thoughts like "Hmmm, maybe it was a favour to be in this movie because he is friends with Danny McBride. That must be it." This person should have been an unknown actor. It was odd and I'm sure it confused some audiences, maybe thinking he wasn't dead and would be returning somehow. Also, the more I saw of Daniels made me feel like her and James Franco would be such an unlikely pairing.
Daniels was good enough. I felt sorry for the actor as Ridley had just chucked her in there as a substitute Ripley and she has huge Powerloader boots to fill, it's an almost impossible feat, but she did well enough. Again, nothing exceptional.
Now I see people praising Danny McBride. I found his appearance distracting too. Knowing him primarily as Kenny Powers meant I could never take him seriously. When they establish contact with the team on the Planet after the storm and he says something like "I can't wait to see my wife again and tell her I love her" in such a clunky way it made me laugh out loud.
Shaw's fate just made me care even less for Prometheus. I couldn't believe they were making the same mistake as Alien 3, killing off key established characters from a previous movie depicting their struggle and triumph to survive horrible adversity.
David did annoy me. He was by far the best part about Prometheus, but in this he has been reduced to an artificial Hannibal Lecter, spouting out pretentious quotes like Bishop's severed torso. I found him quite irritating, his motives a bit blurry and Walter's accent didn't sit right with me at all.
Now comes the lore, which is pretty much most of the movie. I hate all of it since Prometheus. I wish it never happened. And the more that I watch of the prequels, the more it sullies the best sci-fi horror of all time.
When I was 7, we moved into this old house and my bedroom had a boiler room attached to it. That room terrified me, but not the room - It was the door. The door facing directly in my line of sight from my bed. Knowing that behind that door was complete darkness and strange clunking noises stopped me getting to sleep for the first few weeks, and I always kept an eye on the door to check if something was coming through it.
But then after a while I familiarise myself with the room behind the door. It was full of old pipes and a furnace, which explained the noises. The room had no windows, which is why it was so dark. It was nothing but an empty room with some pipes.
After that, I didn't care about the room. In fact, I was kind of embarrassed at myself that I'd ever be so scared of the room in the first place. The room I imagined as a portal to hell swirling with demons was in reality just some boring brick wall and plumbing.
That's this movie and the whole prequel lore. The Space Jockey is an Engineer pilot. The aliens are genetic experiments by an android created on Earth, using the same biotech that created all life on Earth. So really they are not Aliens, but Cousins.The magic trick is explained, I've seen the man behind the curtain, and it's all underwhelming. The film was called 'Alien' and it should remain as it's namesake. From the unknown, too different to comprehend. Now Ridley is helpfully showing us it's just a lab experiment by a crazy robot.
I can understand why people like this film. There is nothing particularly wrong with it. If you're hungry enough, the most average burger can be delicious. But I seem to have lost my appetite for the Alien films since Ridley took over. The fact that I, a huge fan of this franchise, sat through these two hours, saw the genesis of the Alien, the homeworld of the Engineers, and the closest thing we've had to the claustrophobic tunnel chases of Alien and felt absolutely nothing is a testament to just how bland this film is. The whole experience was quite depressing. Didn't hate it enough to slam it, didn't like it enough to give it any praise. And for that, it gets a 5/10.
