Depression, Anxiety, and Mood Disorders

[Eva]

Yup.

I went to hospital because of how bad it got before and they didn't find anything wrong with my heart or lungs or blood work. But it did make me feel terrible.

hugs

[Vickers]

Thanks. I'm "fine" now but I do know where you're coming from.

[Topazora]

I really need a place to speak my mind about my depression, and this place seems like the place to do it, since no one I know personally, looks at this site.  Forgive me, I've had several glasses of wine, but I'm still coherent.  I've been dealing with depression for a long time, mostly from the feeling of worthlessness.  Like I didn't mean anything to the world and anything I had to offer was unwanted.  I was getting better, but the early death of one our cats, because of my carelessness, put me back down into a deep depression.  I know I shouldn't feel this way about an animal, but I can't help it- that cat was still part of the family, had a lot of love to give, had a soul and was strong and healthy.  I work for Lyft, and while I was out, he got a hold of one of my beading needles and thread and swallowed it.  We got the thread and needle out, but the needle made it into his brain, and even though the vet got it out, it caused an infection and that's what took his life.  That's just a recent story to my depression.  I do get thoughts of wanting to kill myself- but too cowardly to do it on my own.  My strength comes from the fact that I am spiritual and I believe that I will see my kitty when I too pass.  I hope that by joining the military, it will give me structure and purpose, and I will feel like I am worthwhile, that my life is worth something.  That I'm not just some parasite.  I don't want to hurt my family and friends, I know they love me- so to kill myself would only hurt them.  I don't think that suicide is a sin, and I don't think that God is so merciless that He would send someone to hell for suicide.  But that is my belief.  I just don't want to hurt my family.  I hate being in this dark place.
I apologize for putting on you guys.  I needed to pour my heart out and if anyone, close to me, saw this, I know I would never hear the end of it.  I just needed to say this to strangers.  No I don't need medication or to see a professional.  I need something that will give meaning to my life and help me move on from the fact that I accidentally killed an amazing and loving cat.  Again, I'm sorry.  I am going through a very hard time and I don't know how to deal with it.
I don't blame you if you don't respond, but I am depressed and I'm trying to work through it.  I'll probably regret it in the morning, like most people regret over drinking when they wake up in the morning.  Funny, my skin feels very numb... I'll just take some advil PM when I go to bed.  Anyway, thanks for giving me an outlet to speak my troubled mind.  I hope I'll heal eventually.

[Aspie]

it's going to be okay Topa <3

you'll find what you are looking for. the mind can be an awful thing sometimes, but we can never let it beat us.

[Cal427eb]

It's not really something you ever recover from. One can only hope to distract themselves long enough to not notice the depression gnawing away at them. The military could be good for that I suppose, unless it ends up being too much for you. Then, it would only making everything much worse. I recommend taking up some kind of hobby or learning some difficult skill.

[SM]

I really need a place to speak my mind about my depression, and this place seems like the place to do it, since no one I know personally, looks at this site.  Forgive me, I've had several glasses of wine, but I'm still coherent.  I've been dealing with depression for a long time, mostly from the feeling of worthlessness.  Like I didn't mean anything to the world and anything I had to offer was unwanted.  I was getting better, but the early death of one our cats, because of my carelessness, put me back down into a deep depression.  I know I shouldn't feel this way about an animal, but I can't help it- that cat was still part of the family, had a lot of love to give, had a soul and was strong and healthy.  I work for Lyft, and while I was out, he got a hold of one of my beading needles and thread and swallowed it.  We got the thread and needle out, but the needle made it into his brain, and even though the vet got it out, it caused an infection and that's what took his life.  That's just a recent story to my depression.  I do get thoughts of wanting to kill myself- but too cowardly to do it on my own.  My strength comes from the fact that I am spiritual and I believe that I will see my kitty when I too pass.  I hope that by joining the military, it will give me structure and purpose, and I will feel like I am worthwhile, that my life is worth something.  That I'm not just some parasite.  I don't want to hurt my family and friends, I know they love me- so to kill myself would only hurt them.  I don't think that suicide is a sin, and I don't think that God is so merciless that He would send someone to hell for suicide.  But that is my belief.  I just don't want to hurt my family.  I hate being in this dark place.
I apologize for putting on you guys.  I needed to pour my heart out and if anyone, close to me, saw this, I know I would never hear the end of it.  I just needed to say this to strangers.  No I don't need medication or to see a professional.  I need something that will give meaning to my life and help me move on from the fact that I accidentally killed an amazing and loving cat.  Again, I'm sorry.  I am going through a very hard time and I don't know how to deal with it.
I don't blame you if you don't respond, but I am depressed and I'm trying to work through it.  I'll probably regret it in the morning, like most people regret over drinking when they wake up in the morning.  Funny, my skin feels very numb... I'll just take some advil PM when I go to bed.  Anyway, thanks for giving me an outlet to speak my troubled mind.  I hope I'll heal eventually.

Seek help.

[Kimarhi]

Don't join the military in a state of depression.  The first couple of months of initial training where they are trying to get inside your head and see what your made of will only be amplified to the point where you are believing everything your head is telling you and the cadre are telling you.

Seek treatment and if you still want to go in completely healthy go for it. 


There is a stigma about mental illness in the military.  But they won't know if you don't tell them and they won't care if you don't bring it up.  You have to be a little crazy to join anyhow.

Also cats do dumb shit.  They will do dumb shit with you watching everything they are doing, and they will do dumb shit on their own.  I doubt that cat is in the next stage of existence wishing ill on you because he ate a needle.   

[Eva]

I really need a place to speak my mind about my depression, and this place seems like the place to do it, since no one I know personally, looks at this site.  Forgive me, I've had several glasses of wine, but I'm still coherent.  I've been dealing with depression for a long time, mostly from the feeling of worthlessness.  Like I didn't mean anything to the world and anything I had to offer was unwanted.  I was getting better, but the early death of one our cats, because of my carelessness, put me back down into a deep depression.  I know I shouldn't feel this way about an animal, but I can't help it- that cat was still part of the family, had a lot of love to give, had a soul and was strong and healthy.  I work for Lyft, and while I was out, he got a hold of one of my beading needles and thread and swallowed it.  We got the thread and needle out, but the needle made it into his brain, and even though the vet got it out, it caused an infection and that's what took his life.  That's just a recent story to my depression.  I do get thoughts of wanting to kill myself- but too cowardly to do it on my own.  My strength comes from the fact that I am spiritual and I believe that I will see my kitty when I too pass.  I hope that by joining the military, it will give me structure and purpose, and I will feel like I am worthwhile, that my life is worth something.  That I'm not just some parasite.  I don't want to hurt my family and friends, I know they love me- so to kill myself would only hurt them.  I don't think that suicide is a sin, and I don't think that God is so merciless that He would send someone to hell for suicide.  But that is my belief.  I just don't want to hurt my family.  I hate being in this dark place.
I apologize for putting on you guys.  I needed to pour my heart out and if anyone, close to me, saw this, I know I would never hear the end of it.  I just needed to say this to strangers.  No I don't need medication or to see a professional.  I need something that will give meaning to my life and help me move on from the fact that I accidentally killed an amazing and loving cat.  Again, I'm sorry.  I am going through a very hard time and I don't know how to deal with it.
I don't blame you if you don't respond, but I am depressed and I'm trying to work through it.  I'll probably regret it in the morning, like most people regret over drinking when they wake up in the morning.  Funny, my skin feels very numb... I'll just take some advil PM when I go to bed.  Anyway, thanks for giving me an outlet to speak my troubled mind.  I hope I'll heal eventually.

So sorry to hear you going through this. I (and others here) suffer or suffered from depression as well. Have you seen a doctor about this? It's very important that people understand that depression is not a state of mind, but an illness that needs treatment.

Please pm me of you want to talk, ask anything or just... speak what's on your mind.

[Aspie]

f**k ocd and it's false guilt and intrusiveness

[BANE]

f**k ocd and it's false guilt and intrusiveness

Did you wash your hands Aspie?

[Aspie]

LOL I miss those days 

[Vickers]

Topazora, there's nothing more I can add to what has already been said but I do want to emphasize on the posts saying seek help. That is very important.

Psychologists and psychiatrists aren't all bad and all out to make money off of you not really caring about your wellbeing. Sometimes you just have go through more than one to find the right one. The same thing goes for medication.

I'm going through yet another dip but I'll be okay. I've been through this shit before. Trying to live in the present, and not in the past and future, is not always so easy.

Depression, anxiety and a bit of OCD is truly no fun.

[SiL]

Some days you just need someone to talk to. Not even necessarily about anything. Just shoot the breeze.

[OmegaZilla]

I really need a place to speak my mind about my depression, and this place seems like the place to do it, since no one I know personally, looks at this site.  Forgive me, I've had several glasses of wine, but I'm still coherent.  I've been dealing with depression for a long time, mostly from the feeling of worthlessness.  Like I didn't mean anything to the world and anything I had to offer was unwanted.  I was getting better, but the early death of one our cats, because of my carelessness, put me back down into a deep depression.  I know I shouldn't feel this way about an animal, but I can't help it- that cat was still part of the family, had a lot of love to give, had a soul and was strong and healthy.  I work for Lyft, and while I was out, he got a hold of one of my beading needles and thread and swallowed it.  We got the thread and needle out, but the needle made it into his brain, and even though the vet got it out, it caused an infection and that's what took his life.  That's just a recent story to my depression.  I do get thoughts of wanting to kill myself- but too cowardly to do it on my own.  My strength comes from the fact that I am spiritual and I believe that I will see my kitty when I too pass.  I hope that by joining the military, it will give me structure and purpose, and I will feel like I am worthwhile, that my life is worth something.  That I'm not just some parasite.  I don't want to hurt my family and friends, I know they love me- so to kill myself would only hurt them.  I don't think that suicide is a sin, and I don't think that God is so merciless that He would send someone to hell for suicide.  But that is my belief.  I just don't want to hurt my family.  I hate being in this dark place.
I apologize for putting on you guys.  I needed to pour my heart out and if anyone, close to me, saw this, I know I would never hear the end of it.  I just needed to say this to strangers.  No I don't need medication or to see a professional.  I need something that will give meaning to my life and help me move on from the fact that I accidentally killed an amazing and loving cat.  Again, I'm sorry.  I am going through a very hard time and I don't know how to deal with it.
I don't blame you if you don't respond, but I am depressed and I'm trying to work through it.  I'll probably regret it in the morning, like most people regret over drinking when they wake up in the morning.  Funny, my skin feels very numb... I'll just take some advil PM when I go to bed.  Anyway, thanks for giving me an outlet to speak my troubled mind.  I hope I'll heal eventually.

I'm terribly sorry for this. As others have said, seeking help is the best option. Even finding someone to just talk with is a good idea. Stay strong.

[LastSurvivor92]

I really need a place to speak my mind about my depression, and this place seems like the place to do it, since no one I know personally, looks at this site.  Forgive me, I've had several glasses of wine, but I'm still coherent.  I've been dealing with depression for a long time, mostly from the feeling of worthlessness.  Like I didn't mean anything to the world and anything I had to offer was unwanted.  I was getting better, but the early death of one our cats, because of my carelessness, put me back down into a deep depression.  I know I shouldn't feel this way about an animal, but I can't help it- that cat was still part of the family, had a lot of love to give, had a soul and was strong and healthy.  I work for Lyft, and while I was out, he got a hold of one of my beading needles and thread and swallowed it.  We got the thread and needle out, but the needle made it into his brain, and even though the vet got it out, it caused an infection and that's what took his life.  That's just a recent story to my depression.  I do get thoughts of wanting to kill myself- but too cowardly to do it on my own.  My strength comes from the fact that I am spiritual and I believe that I will see my kitty when I too pass.  I hope that by joining the military, it will give me structure and purpose, and I will feel like I am worthwhile, that my life is worth something.  That I'm not just some parasite.  I don't want to hurt my family and friends, I know they love me- so to kill myself would only hurt them.  I don't think that suicide is a sin, and I don't think that God is so merciless that He would send someone to hell for suicide.  But that is my belief.  I just don't want to hurt my family.  I hate being in this dark place.
I apologize for putting on you guys.  I needed to pour my heart out and if anyone, close to me, saw this, I know I would never hear the end of it.  I just needed to say this to strangers.  No I don't need medication or to see a professional.  I need something that will give meaning to my life and help me move on from the fact that I accidentally killed an amazing and loving cat.  Again, I'm sorry.  I am going through a very hard time and I don't know how to deal with it.
I don't blame you if you don't respond, but I am depressed and I'm trying to work through it.  I'll probably regret it in the morning, like most people regret over drinking when they wake up in the morning.  Funny, my skin feels very numb... I'll just take some advil PM when I go to bed.  Anyway, thanks for giving me an outlet to speak my troubled mind.  I hope I'll heal eventually.

Wish you the best man. I think the military would be good for you. Suicide is never the answer man and your life is precious. You only got one and try to live it up. Keep fighting the depression man. You'll get through it.